Tuesday, November 30

10 years from now.

Ok i would admit that I am a bit of a stalker.
I can stalk and dig up alot of stuff if i had the time to.

I'm just KEHPO liddat. I also dunno why.

But I was stalking my bro in law and sister last week.
They're in their early 30's.
>> No i did not do it on purpose, you'll see the relevance soon as you read on. I promise

You see, as I was looking through their photos and tags, wall posts and well "wall activities" la.
I cant help but notice a few very familiar names & faces.
Names which I've head since i was a 6 yrs old.
Faces which would come over to our hse every CNY/gathering/birthdays etc.
A group of friends which they've met during HighSchool.

Now i shall not name mention. But i find it amazing, that a bond this strong can transcend and remain through out the years.
They went to high school together, lepak-ed together, went to form6, uni etc.
Now, ppl move on (thats what ppl always say).
But when my sis got married they were the brides maids & best mans (heng tais).
vise versa for them as well.

Just last CNY i found it so amazing that they still do their ritual CNY gathering/visiting.
The bunch of them, married or paktohing or single; with kids or just married.
They'd eat groundnuts, gamble alil, play some cards, drink and "talk cock" la!
A few of them even have kids of their own, who are btw around the same age as my niece & nephew!

These are the people who'd insist you fetch them on your 1st ride when you bought a car;
These are the people who you'd wanna introduce ur bf/gf to;
These are the people who'd throw your bachelor party;
These are the people who'd not only come for your wedding but help in every bit they can;
These are the people who'd be there anxiously waiting with their phones when you're delivering your 1st child in the hospital.
Not to say you're at any point remotely related at all.
But they are there none the less.

I found it so heart warming.
I wish I'd have the blessing of that similar experience as well.
As naive or innocent they say highschool besties are, I happen to think they are friendship in the purest form.
Without an ulterior motive, with no bad intentions.

I wish we'll never break up.
I wish we'll still be there for each other.
I wish we can complain about boyfriends to each other.
I wish we can bitch about work together.
I wish we can be "aunties" & "see lai" together.
I wish we'll grow old together.

i love my cartoonz.

Monday, November 29

Sunday, November 28


I wan the power to paint rainbows.

can i please?

Friday, November 26


going home.
suddenly i'm happy again.

daddy texted!
sorry, i'll forever be a Daddy's Girl.

i need to be surrounded by love again.

whine and wallow in self pity

today i am very whiny
i'm sorry
today i don't feel very good
i'm sorry
today i am very disappointed
i'm sorry

today things kinda got messed up
why today?
today i had to be alert and extremely patient
why today?
today sacrifices needs to be made
why today?

today i had to follow up on some stuff
why me?
today some stuff when missing
why me?
today i'm sick
why me?


i dun like being sick
i dun like walking around like a zombie
i dun like having milo for lunch and dinner
i dun like running up and down like some bitch during Boxing Day's Shopping Spree
(minus the excitement)
i dun like being yelled at
i dun like feeling that i haven't done my job
i dun like feeling incompetent


i'm sorry if i made your day not so good.
i'm sorry if my stuff troubled you.
i'm sorry if what i've said confused you, for what's its worth, i was confused too?
i'm sorry if my condition made me a lil annoying.
i'm sorry if i was a lil unbearable today, i tried to minimize it i swear.
i'm sorry i made you wait.
i'm sorry at some point i abandoned you today.
i'm sorry if i made you worried.


thank you for not yelling at me louder.
thank you for understanding.
thank you for being patient with me.
thank you for accommodating.
thank you for chatting with me.
thank you for smiling at me though i kinda made you go home late.
thank you for asking how i was.
thank you for noticing.
thank you for checking in on me.
thank you for the pat on the back.

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

Thursday, November 25

siao tah por

sudak balik budak ini.

Wednesday, November 24

I wanna be...

I wanna be the girl
who makes your bad days better.
The one that makes you say...
"My Life has changed since I met her"


stumbleupon it.

Monday, November 22

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Friday, November 19

I cried like chicken shit.

The two questions asked of the dead by the gods at the entrance to heaven
Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?
Those 2 questions baffle me all the time.
towards the end of your days, what would cross your mind?
what would you hold pride & glory to?
who would you want to be there to watch you go?

"Everyone's afraid of dying alone".

What are those things that you've always wanted to do? but didn't?
What were those "I could have" and "I would've"s?
Have we done all our duties as children, companion, husband/ wifes?
Have we said our "sorry" & "goodbye"s?
Have we said and done all our "I love you"s?

The phrase "Live like you're dying".
Ironic much?
Is it true that when you are facing death, only you'd come to realized.
"Have i really lived?"

It's not about the parties.
It's not about the heroic contributions.
It's not about the wealth and the money.

Ultimately, what do you want in life?
What would people remember you as when you're gone?


Thursday, November 18

full circle

its interesting how fate comes at you.
its interesting how things happen.

few days right after i came back from hobbitland, i received teacher's calls/sms/msn messages.
its really rare to see her online anyway. (must be smthg super duper urgent)
Loving Tree was having a story telling event. and they required an English MC.

now knowing me (being all anal, routined , well planned, and painfully boring) I'd squirm at these last minute requests. I'd go why cant it be planned earlier? why can things be more well thought through? why cant it be more well prepared?

i would. i really would.

but through the years (yes, years. Teacher has been with me since my high school days)
this was not my 1st last minute gig.
but through the years, i'll never say no to smthg like this.
reason is simple. I felt the purpose for it.

It wasnt like some commercial gig where i get paid for an event.
it was smthg that meant smthg to me.
smtg close to my heart.
I had nthg to lose. (ok, maybe a few hours of sleep). but i could sleep those hours away anytime any public holiday.

It's been months since i "did not work".
I've been busy working for months.
What i did last sat & sun did not feel like work. :)
i was tired as hell. but it doesnt feel like shit.

"happy-tired" someone told me.
I'd agree.

I came a full circle on 14th Nov.
I started 1 1st story telling competition on Sept 6, 1996 in SJK(c) Perempuan Klang.
I came back and took the stage again as MC on Nov 14, 2010 in SJK(c) Perempuan Klang.


Xie Xie Ni De Ai ( 謝謝你的愛 ) - Li Xin Jie

Saturday, November 13


we always judge people.
no matter how much we say we dont.
we do.

its a norm we do.
LV bag - oooh.... high class.
charles & keith - hmmm... stylish practical.
jimmy choo - diva?
happy energetic not bad looking dude - gotta have a gf, else he's gay.
some single apek in the cyber cafe - adult friend finders? O.o

you see a bubbly chirpy guy who loves colors, he's gay?
you see a uncle with a chinese girl eating dinner, she's a gold digger?
you see a auntie with a young lad shopping, she's cradle snatcher?

lawyers - drunken indians (i'm nt racist)
pharmacist - nice chinese girls
accountants - CINAAA.
designers - sloppy dude, with no routine and an attitude.
interior designers (guy) - gay


they're either labeled - wild, slutty, social, drunks, philanderer, sleep around, have parties, alcoholics.
i dun get it.
not everyone's like that.
the work is already difficult enough.
as though the stress isnt already unbearable.
now this?

i'm sick of my friends and family asking,
eh don't go clubbing la.
eh u drink alot a?
dun drink la.
do u smoke?
why u so wild one?

and it pisses me off so bad.
2 yrs of work.
i've been in a club 3 or 4 times.
i do not smoke.
i dun get piss drunk.
i dun fool around.
i kept track of my spendings.
i try to have friends.
i try to be friendly.
i go yumcha, not clubbing.
i dont buy designer labels.
i'm already dead broke as it is.
i've been effing rational!

i've done less that what some normal college kids do every week.
i see ppl getting piss drunk every day.
i still see clubs filled with 20 yr olds.
when i finish work early in the morning, i jam home with a bunch of drunk kids.

i dun mind strangers having that assumption.
i really dun giv a fuck.
but if u still claim u know me, and love me.
then please. don't make assumptions which are as hurtful.

the most hurtful words come from ppl who u care the most.
those sting like a steel knife cutting down your throat.

i dont even wanna explain.
if u understand me, thank you. you have no idea how much that means to me.
if you dont, i'm sorry i've wasted your time.

i'm sorry i've been a failure to you.
as a colleague, as a friend, as a bestie, as your sister, as your daughter.




沒有一句對不起 對不起是我太執迷
沒有一句話說清 說清楚離開的原因

也許他可靠 他實際 他不一樣
他能夠給你安全感 不只夢想

沒關係 我們分了沒關係
這不是你的問題 是我沒那個福氣
就算哭了沒關係 這不是你的問題
痛痛快快給我一槍 我沒關係 沒關係 沒關係

沒有一句對不起 對不起是我太執迷
沒有一句話說清 說清楚你離開的原因

也許他可靠 他實際 他不一樣
他能夠給你安全感 不只夢想

沒關係 我們分了沒關係
這不是你的問題 是我沒那個福氣
就算哭了沒關係 這不是你的問題
痛痛快快給我一槍 我沒關係

愛情裡面總有一個比較傻 怪就怪我放不下 NO~~
痛苦給我幸福留給你和他 沒關係 沒關係 沒關係

沒關係 我們分了沒關係
這不是你的問題 是我沒那個福氣
就算哭了沒關係 這不是你的問題
痛痛快快給我一槍 我沒關係 沒關係 沒關係

i'm the king of the world

sometimes i wished the world revolves around me.
i do.
i wish i have that power to control the how the world feels.
i wish i can dictate if you're gonna be happy or not today.
i really do wish.

but in reality. we're so small that it never matters how i feel.
u really think the world is gonna stop coz ur hurting?
honestly, u think everyone would be miserable when u had a rough day?
i'm sure everyone knows that life goes on.
unfortunately not alot of people understand it.

i find it delusional to think that way.
so u had a bad day. ok.
take a breathe, talk to some one.
cry urself out.
den take another breathe,
pick urself up.

the world is still moving.
why must others wait on you?

ideal right?
thats how i life my life.
i have bad days.
i have good days.
but i still do wish everyone would have good days, even when i'm having a bad day.
wouldn't u like to see smiles on other ppl's faces?
i would.

if i could make 1 person's day better, that would make my bad day a lil better too.

or am i the delusional one?

i came to see (bang wall smack in my face kinda obvious) that there are mean & selfish ppl around.
those that wouldn't give a fuck about how ur doing.
all they know is they should be the center of the universe.
and all us pathetic fools are merely there to entertain them.
it feels like cold water pouring down on you, dampen any existence of happiness & hope u still have.
criticizing every lil detail and issue.
over what? i still do not know.
coz they're unhappy i guess...

selfish ppl are everywhere.
and there'll never be a cure to make them better, or to make them less bitter.
so how now?

so you're not happy.
i wanna be happy.

i'm desperate.
dont rain on me please.

Friday, November 12



代表人物:《银魂》 善后屋猿飞小莎 还有整篇作者本人


所 有的一切都被虚化被美化,他们的内心认为朋友就是在危难时刻拔刀相助不计后果的,爱情就是简简单单没有伤害的,但事实并不是这样,现实的很多碰壁很多失望 令他们手足无措,原来世界并不是他们想象中的那样,而他们追求完美的天性和孤傲的本质令他们与孤独就此结缘,那种痛彻骨髓的冷,无处可诉的悲凉,看着自己 亲手毁掉曾经美好的梦想。

有人说孤独每个人都有,太自恋了吧。但双子的孤独只有双子自己知 道,那是没有可能治好的绝症。因为双子天生就是两个心,两颗脑,他们的感受,他们的所思所想都是双倍的。但他们却只有一个躯体,一个世界。 这是一个天生残缺的星座,天生在找寻能与自己契合的另一个人,但谁能找到一个相同的自己??所以,他们注定这样孤独而劳碌的用一个人的身体承受着两个人的 快乐与伤悲,还有永远的孤独。

双子不想孤傲,不愿独来独往,(其实大多数双子表面呼朋唤友, 内心却从来没有依靠,孤独无依)但他们的敏感和天生的优越感使他们无法妥协。双子,有很多人羡慕他,很多人嫉妒他,很多人厌恶他,几乎没有一个星座能有这 样大的争议性。我想说,双子的孩子们,他们的眼泪永远多于笑容,那些在阳光下微笑,却用眼泪洗涤如水凉夜的孩子,那些从不愿别人失望但自己却因此精疲力尽 的孩子,他们的名字是双子。如果你的爱人是双子,那么请你好好爱他,因为他真的不会自己寻找快乐。 如果你是双子座,你就要听清楚了—— 你的一生都注定你要去寻找你的另一半。 为了找到你的另一半,你会尝试着和各种不同的人相处、相恋。 在众人的眼里,双子都是花心的,你们花心却不会一脚踏两船,而是经常换船。 然而没有人知道你们这是为了找寻真爱阿! 只要找到了你的另一半,双子就不会再换了,双子的痴情与专一只会给一个人。

双子的痴情是让人 惊讶的,就像他们的花心一样让人吃惊。 然而双子又是可悲的,因为那另一半并不是每个双子都能找到的,因此双子总在茫茫人海中寻寻觅觅,找寻真正的爱情。 同时在无意之中伤害了身旁的追随者。 然而事实却是,与双子座的人谈一场恋爱是会让人永生难忘的,这段爱情绝对充满了惊喜与快乐。 所以,喜欢经常换船的双子总能轻易的找到另一条船来换。 爱上双子的人们啊,你享受到了多少快乐?那就不要在乎双子将会带给你多少无情的伤害了。除非你有信心让双子相信你就是他的另一半。 这是真正的双子! 很多人都说双子的不是,心不在焉,花心,等等,在大多人眼里双子似乎一无是处。其实双子是很脆弱的。双子害怕伤害,既不愿意伤害任何人,也不愿任何人伤害 他们,并且不信任任何人,所以即便是很要好的一群朋友在一起,有些时候他们也会表现得非常沉默,因为双子的心灵总是孤独的。 他们不愿意被人理解,也不屑被人理解,很多时候,即便跟你观点有分歧,他们也不会跟你争吵,他们不屑争吵,只有在偶尔无法忍耐的时候才会弄得面红耳赤;不 过对于性情温和的人,他们则极尽他们的口才以达到说服的目的,他们不愿意发生争吵. 双子的朋友基本都是泛泛之辈,感情深厚的朋友实在少的可怜。因此寂寞或是不开心时,他们通常也是一个人躲起来一言不发,不去理睬任何人,并且不希望被其他 人打扰。大家平时看到的他们并不是真正的他们,他们总是在掩饰自己,自己也不明白这到底是有意还是无意的。 他们的心事通常不会跟任何人讲,即便你刨根问底也徒劳无功,只有当他们愿意倾诉的时候,他们才会告诉他们知心的朋友,通常这种机会很少。他们对大多的人、 事、物都不怎么在乎,好象是以冷眼观世的态度活在这世上的,即便当他们非常在意某人某事的时候,他们也不会在他人面前轻易表现出来。 许多人蔑视双子,那是因为他们不了解双子,双子的真诚与执著我个人认为是其他人都望尘莫及的,双子想要做一件事不在乎其他人的感觉,双子对待别人虽然不甚 亲切,然而即便厌恶你的时候也不轻易表露,他们的承受能力惊人的大,可是又有谁会明白他们心中的苦闷。正如有些人说的,生活真的很不容易,又何必再给他人 增加烦恼。 如果哪位达人理解双子的话,那他会明白双子其实在寻找一个孤寂的世界,把自己一个人埋没于此,不让任何人知道,因为双子不愿意看到有人为自己伤心,他们的 苦他们愿意一个人承担。


Thursday, November 11


Sorry for the lack of updates and alot of random blabblings.

fyi, i went to GoldCoast Aussie & NZ.
indeed it was a great break.
it was awesome.

I've always been astounded by the miracles of mother nature.
NZ jus blew me away.
At so many levels, i'd jus feel humble by the amazing scenery, friendly people and the wonderful culture over there.

I could just open my window in the morning at 7am and see this:
whats not to love?

Being a geek by nature, anything worth studying - I love & remember.
Simply by the 1st few posters I saw at the airport, I was so intrigued by the Maori Culture.
No, not just because the have nice body and walk around half naked
(though i wouldn't mind as they do look awesome) :P

I am completely hooked on Maori symbol. These symbols are commonly carved into pendants from bone or stone sometimes attached to their cords with authentic, traditional bindings & knots.

Not only are these carved pendants very well crafted, highly detailed pieces of art. They also resemble various Maori symbols which in their turn represent Maori culture, history, and spiritual beliefs. Their function is to commemorate ancestors and honor mythological beings and their stories.

Hei Matau or Maori fish hook necklace
My personal favorite.
In short the Hei-Matau (fish hook) represents strength, determination and good health, as well as providing safety.

Koru (spiral)
The Koru depicts new beginnings, growth and harmony, taken from the symbolism of a unfurled silver fern leaf. The Twist
The Maori symbols or meaning for The single twist represents the path of life, it is the eternity symbol. The single figure eight represents the joining together of two people, and although people move away, their journey of life will have their paths cross again.

The triple and double twist represents the joining together of two people, or two cultures for eternity and even though they may experience life's ups and downs they remain bonded by friendship and loyalty for life. more photos will follow through with the journey.
now too busy with work d. LOL


remember how we were young (well, younger than now) and we use to dream?

remember when you get good results, and people would ask in interviews.
"what would you wanna do in the future?"
I'd always answer,
"i dunno what i'm gonna be yet. But i wanna do smthg that would make a difference."

I'd believe that people are nice.
I'd believe that good things happens to good people.
That everything happens for a reason.
I used to believe that dreams will come true.

as days goes by, i realized how i stopped hoping.
how i'd always plan for the worst to happen.
i'd hope for smthg bad NOT to happen rather than hope for smthg good.
how i'd always think that things are never the way they seem.
how i've come to realize good things do not always happen to good people.
being nice may not bring back nice returns.
how i hate feeling so vulnerable.

when i met aM3 in coll, i saw how she always hung her motto by her.
"making a difference" she said.
I'd scoff. "tough luck"
yet she still is optimistic.
she is so hyper sometimes i swear i wanna smack her.
she's like a tickle-me-elmo which i can never turn off.
guess that how we clicked.
she's a dreamer, i wish i was too.

i rmb us slaving thru coll. and the satisfaction of finish a design course when we were nerds & geeks from science.
guess we did kick ass. least we felt that way. :)

i remember telling myself, i din not wanna work for work. i was determined to do smthg that i'd love. i do not wanna work 10-30 yrs over a routine that i soon learn to hate. i do not wanna be working simply coz i needed the money.

and i'm here.

wondering, why am i doing this?
is this what i wanna do?
where would i be 5 yrs from now?

working in LB is insane indeed.
but working in LB also keeps me sane.
contradicting right?

its insane because its crazeeeeeeee work.
yet its insane somehow i still smile occasionally thinking "thank god i'm nt a pharmacist/engineer".
how when a campaign ended, i'd stare at the event photos and go "whoa, its done. not bad."
how u'd secretly smirk when a client says "good job"

but then again, by the end of the day.
i find myself struggling to keep myself driven.
i find myself so tired and my life have become nthg but a routine.
a routine of waking up- going to work- get all frustrated - and going home.
only to start the routine all over again.
is this really what i wan my life to be?

what happened to the girl who wanted to work and travel?
what happened to the girl who wanted to station in cambodia for 6 months for the sake of it?
what happened to the girl who was passionate about nature and hikes?
what happened to the girl who would part time for Paws & SPCA?
what happened to the girl who give bread to the strays outside & get yelled at by mom later and still be happy?
what happened to the girl who'd give things a try eventhough she's not sure what lies ahead?

i was a dreamer, till i became a realist.
now i wanna dream again.
tell me how?

Monday, November 8

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday.
thats all i can say.

happy birthday.

i wish you well.
i wish you health.

i wish peace & hope your days will be better.
i wish u'd stay safe and sail through the weather.

i wish u'd have less nighmares.
i wish u'd have better dreams.

i wish u all the best in work.
i wish u everything in life.

i wish u'd heal better.
i wish u'd hurt lesser.

i wish u love.
i wish u bliss.

i wish u everything with her.
i hope u will find happiness.

:) may she was the one all along?

happy birthday tzer.
after so many years, i sincerely wish u'd take care.

voices of new malaysia