Tuesday, April 28

mi hun kuey

in case yous peoples din knows....
caryn was/has been/ is sick...

urgh! dem tablets particularly this phlegm tablet upsets my stomach...
i feel like puking this whole freaking day...

anyways, back to my story.
its actually bout me dad.
he is a very interesting person.
gawd i love him so much...
but he has this habit....
this *urgh!!* habit which drives me nuts!!!

i woke up this morning feeling oh-so-green-i-wanna-puke....
believe me... i feel like theres this disgusting ball of fur in my throat which is stuck!! *GAG*
dad comes in around noon...

"kiaaa.... go lunch"
"urgh...dowan la dee...sick...."
"i wait for u downstairs a!!"
"deeee...dun feel like eating....wanna puke...."
"woi, quickly so change! i wanna start car d!"

changed.... and hopped on the car...
reach the hawker centre...ordered drinks...

"wat u wanna eat?"
*shakes head* "dun feel like eating..nt hungry.."
"mmm... eat mi hun kuey la!"
*whines* "dowan can? really nt hungry, i feel like i'm gonna throw up."
"eh, stil dowan order? wat u wanna eat? mi hun kuey?"
*sulks* "dowan la....dowan eat can?? i ate breakfast d...."
"this is lunch ma.... go order la...."
"i dunno wat to eat..."
"eat mi hun kuey la..."


and so.... i had mi hun kuey...

dad has this habit of denying confrontations...
subtly implying a decision witout screams & yells...
but its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo frustrating!!!

btw, i took almost 1 hour to finish tat bowl of mi hun kuey... =.="
oso i tak habis~ :(

sick again

wheezing again.
asthma... even my family doc shake his head..
"ur asthma a.... seems to be nvr ending... so many years d..."

sore throat...
tday even worst.... NOSE BLEED!!!
sumore eye itchy itchy...seijor....

ello! i din go siam/peep ppl bath lo...


sick sick sick.
tat suke...

Saturday, April 25

new phone.

caryn has changed her phone!

sister bought the new maxis-nokia phone for me...

nokia 6212.

Near Field Communication.
NFC. this funky new technology.
now my handphone has TouchnGo as well as Maybank.
and loads of "touching & tagging" here n there!! personalize stickers!


Wednesday, April 22



You don’t have to be “ok” if you are not.
It’s alright to be “not ok”, you have all the rights to mourn and be sad.
It doesn’t make you any less of a man or a disappointment to others.
You have your emotions, it’s alright.
Cry, cope, and heal at your own pace.

He’s been through a very hard and tough time.
I’m sure it wasn’t any better for you as well.
But maybe it’s for the better, least he’s not in pain anymore.
He must have been a great man.
I’m sure.

He’s in a better place now.

I know it hurts and I am in no place to tell you that it’ll be better soon.
Hopefully in due time, everything will be alright.

mei’s here, kor.
meimei’s here.

Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard, but always near,

Still loved, still missed and very dear.

"Don’t tell me that you understand.

Don’t tell me that you know.

Don’t tell me that I will survive,

How I will surely grow.

Don’t come at me with answers

That can only come from me.

Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

Accept me in my ups and downs.

I need someone to share.

Just hold my hand and let me cry

And say, “My friend, I care"

My friend, I care

-to a man that has left, yet memories treasured-

Tuesday, April 21


i have such a huge high school crush on wang leehom!!

i wanna gooooooooooooooooo concert!

Monday, April 20


spent most of my time with my niece n nephew.

bubbly giggly happy little girl.
nicknamed "bulat-bulat"..

wahhha...scroll below lo...
*allie dun even tink about dem pinching and oogling over dem!!!*

lastly... korkor!!! kiss mei mei!!
more pictures (click)

Sunday, April 19













































i'm losing it.

i've elevated from merely impulsive buys of red and black lacy hair accessories...

quote from T :
"dude!!! hairy legs are so not hot!! guys with hairy legs i get, but chicks... HELL NOOOOOOOOOO"

and so i did it.


smooth and silky.



Friday, April 17

a little check ups & dirty talk

after sometime i tend to get the habit of being too absorbed.
for time to time, i need to check up on myself.

am i in tune?
is this what i want?
is there a purpose to all this?
am i still clear of what i'm pursuing.

i honestly do not want to be chasing after unicorns and end up crying in the corner coz unicorns dun exist.


on a totally random note, i keep receiving those invitations for dem quizzes on facebook.
ahaahha. did a few. gosh those sex related ones are hilarious! i cant help but grin and laugh... there quizzes on "how good are u in bed?" ---like clicking on a few questions and you'll know??
"whats your fav sexual position?" LOL.... wahhahah.

dirty talk. LOL. funny stuff. its even interesting that if ur really good at it... ANYTHING can be related to the subject!

johnny boi... could ask about dem boobs anytime! my most rmbed memories, SEJARAH exams!!
"eh caryn, how bg is A cup? like this a? (shows hand cupping the air) or like this??" gosh gosh...
ewan and his light sabers.... =.=" dun even ask.
loads more... ahahha... "whatever goes up will come down eventually" :)


zzz....its not even 12 am yet..... immma gonna hibernate now..

Tuesday, April 14

the long ones . the short ones . the thick ones . the thin ones :)

When there are no clouds in the skies, and the sun just refuse to come out.
When the flowers don’t bloom, and there’s no butterflies to catch.
When it’s raining again and it’s freezing cold.
When the colors are missing and you just simply feel blue.

When the train is delayed and the bus never arrived.
When you’re walking and it rains suddenly.
When that evil crow follows u and decides to POO on your shirt.
When your heels break halfway while you’re rushing to work.

When you walk out and step into a muddy puddle in your best shoes.
When you fall flat on the floor with an armful of stuff.
When your skirt is stained on the way to a meeting.
When you go out and your bag rips…or worst… your pants!

When I just stoned after hours and hours of work.
When my eyes water and my vision goes blurry.
When my back hurts and my feet aches.
When my head spins and I just feel like puking.

When someone hurts you.
When you feel betrayed.
When you feel left out and misunderstood.
When everyone just doesn’t understand.

When the weight is too heavy to carry,
And you feel like collapsing.
When your feet wiggle and shake,
And you feel like falling.

When you lose your balance and starts falling…….

It sure is nice to have you catching my back.
: )

free dinners . free rides . complimentary meals . starbucks brownie . CBF! . “ponampalam” memories . ranting & wailing . punching bag . picnis to look forward to . cartoon discussions . photos & memories . 080808 beijing coke . color string tied memories . knotting gifts . a green night lamp with STARS all over it. Sms . trips to look forward to . a picture of 5 silly girls during some really silly balloon moments. ipoh pictures . calls from genting . what-u-tink-of-me-is-not-my-prob talks in the bathroom . camp group shots . folded RM 1 note . wallet size KTM picture . saved messages . bringing me to see the stars . coke! Pictures. The wisdom hut . family . fa lv . friends . cartoonz . friends . completes ME.

Some things may put me down. Lots more can bring me to tears.
It’s okay. They make me stronger.

But it’s some of the smaller pettier things that make me smile & giggle.
Its some of these smaller pettier things that make me feel loved.

Monday, April 13

me and my fantasies~~

Days and Nights I would dream and fantasize about ……………

BURNING the goddammed KTMB down…

This unreliable trail of crappy scrap metal is what frustrates me most mornings to work.

“Harap maklum train the Sentul telah mengalami kelewatan. Terima Kasih.”
“Tuan Tuan dan Puan Puan, train ke Sentul pada jam 8.03 pagi telahpun dibatalakan. Train seterusnya akan tiba dalam masa 20 minit.”

And 10 minutes would go…. And another 15…. And 20 more…. Eh why still no train de??


Today was stuck in the train with this auntie who is a nurse. WHY DO I KNOW THAT SHE IS A NURSE? She’s been talking me for a whole hour in the train!!
I mean like… I got up the train… auntie comes… politely I offered the seat next to me…. AND DEN HORRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I’m actually a nurse, I work KL de lo. Actually I marry edi wan den I dowan work. Butthen this clinic lo… they gt not enough ppl so ask me go back help dem lo…. Haiyah I see I gt nthg to do at home ma help dem lo… 1 week hor… I go 3 days de lo…. Hahahah. But I very paiseh lo. Coz I always late de lo… coz of ktm ma… den hor I will go back early oso lo… must sit train ma…. bababababahahaalalalala yadada………”

*gasp* she never stopped!

………….*dadadadad dodododo babababa* …morning I will fetch my son go school… so far yunno. He study batu belah there. Den sometime I gt not enough time to come back here and take train lo… so I will catch the train from there…. Haiyoh is liddat de la…. All parents oso love their children de ma… so I will fetch him lo…even so far…. He study good good den can d lo… actually hor~~~ haiyoh we parents doneed them buy things for us de…. They happy they study good grow up can d la…. ………………..*dad a dadadada daddayaya yayatatatatr ararafafaf aalalalal*……

I was trying to like rest or sleep.

Saturday, April 11

the mechanism.

i've once heard of something called "the mechanism".
its a system of how ppl react to certain situation and people.

we're drawn to people whom matches us, have similar hobbies or perhap goals and personalities.
den we repent those whom (may not be bad people), but are just merely "unworkable" together.
people whom perhaps have different thoughts, different ways, different characters or just plain "dont like".

friends and people.
we can choose.

we can choose who we want to be friends with and who to mix around.
simple rite?
- (minus) those ridiculous high school drama and politics. *rolls eyes*.

but what about family?
people whom we are related to (some even the closest) not by choice, but by fate or "destiny"??
had this huge crappy arguement with mom the other day.
mind boggling.
me and my mom are one of those people who can NEVER NEVER EVER "work".
it frustrates us so much!

not like we dont love each other.
i mean c'mon. she's my mom.
i know she loves me too.
but sumhow "WE JUS CANT MIX!"
its always like a nuclear bomb when we're together.

i'll do smthg she hates.
she'll do smthg which i'll disagree.
anything! even chores as simple as organizing my closet.

she's always fiery and fast. everything oso want fast fast fast fast fast.
i'm a person that takes my time. i dunno y. but i always end up with more than i can handle.
mayb smthg is worng with my time management?? or mayb smthg is wrong with me...??
i always feel so tired.

that aside.
she'll be nagging.
i'll answer with no immediate actions.
she'll yell.
I'll get aggitated.
she gets annoyed.
I get frustrated.
she yells more.
i yell back.
then theres screams and stuff flying everywhere.
slaps and tears.
talks of "i shud never have gav birth to u!!" and screams of "if u hate me that much den just dont care!".
thundering voices of "i swear i could kill u!!!!" and of course the "if my dying wouldve made your life easier den DONE!!! think of me dead!!"

--- storms out of the hse----

honestly it just blew.
so far so big that even i cant control.
we say stupid things when we are mad.
we get defendsive when people critisize what you do.
and everything ends up in a brawl of anger, tears, frustration, dissapointment and ultimately sadness.

so how now??
seijor lo.
really wanna die meh???
siao... i cant.
i always see those people, when they say they wanna do smthg like leave the world and everyone there, AND THEY ACTUALLY DID IT!
btu sumhow i cant. call me a coward but i cant.

anyhoo. mom n i arent talking now.
we just dont talk.
we're not arguing.
we're not fighting.
we juts dun talk.
we totally ignore each other's existance unless we really need smthg from dem.

think if it another way.
mayb it is a good thing?
least we're not fighting anymore.


Friday, April 10


its been a long time since i blogged.
everything in my life has become such a routine...

nthg much to blog about.
i wake up. go work. come back. eat. sleep. and go back work the next day.

ahahaha. interesting huh?

i must admit.
i've learn alot from this short attachment.
the issue now is that.... where do i go from here?

as i teacher predicted. i've found myself yet again lost.
i started off with a purpose.
its a great company.
a great profile.
interesting training grounds for a field of work that I love.
opportunities, risks and chances.
but amidst trying to soak in EVERYTHING i can and learn as much...
I still cant figure out what would be my next step.
life at the office has gotten better.
adapting... friends... finding my way around...
its all getting better...
buthen again.

i honestly cant answer.
and with no definite purpose, least till i find my goal.
it'll be a day by day process whereby i just live as the days goes by.
try to figure out.

living life just for the sake of living it is a bore.
might as well never lived at all.

am i right?

Sunday, April 5

random updates

cheng meng.
Nilai Memorial Park
tday we went to see amah.
5am edi woke up and prepare.
because tday confirm alot of ppl.
without mistake, by 6.00am...when we reached the memorial park.
edi jammed.

everyone wan there.
from all our "branch member"
as usual for chinese.
every occasion is a family reunion.

after the prayers,
we sat "with amah". and we ate breakfast, chit chat.
mom & auntie prepared alot of amah's fav food
and also some "chinese good luck" food.
amah always loved it when we gather around and just have fun.
amah loved it when everyone of us is laughing and eating away.

auntie & uncle bought flowers when they went to china last week.
amah loved flowers.
when she was still here,
her house would be filled with pots and pots of flowers blooming all the time.
i rmb when we were young, she would yell whenever we plucked her flowers.

alot of ppl will always ask.
why burry so far???
because nilai memorial park is sooooooo far away.
it is neither near KL or Johor.
i had no idea why too.
as amah choosed it very long ago.

perhaps i was too young.
but tday my sisters told me.

"you know why amah choose this memorial park?"

"why o?"

"because it is near the highway."

*blurr* "why leh?? ppl always dun like highway wan ma!
always want face mountain or nice scenery wan ma!!"

"because amah say she wanna watch over us whenever we travel back to muar"

i honestly didnt know.
we travel back to muar several times a year.
everyone of us.
its not very far.
but the journey normally takes up to 2 - 3 hours of tiring driving.

its a pleasent yet touching thought.
that amah wants to watch over us when we travel.
so that we are safe and well.

gosh i miss her so badly.

i hate KTM.
its always late.
when rains its delayed.

its rarely on time.

angry a!its always jammed pack whenever i'm going back!
tu la.... multiracial.
but when its a hell alot of people.
at 6pm or 7 pm...
and everyone is sweating.
with KTM baaaad ventilation.

i do not noe the other 2 hands in the photo.
jus a shot. while waiting for the damned train to move.
and people looking at me weird~~


reasons y i tink my sisters loves me despite them denying it all the time.

my laptop sticker~

i've always loved retro vintage 60's 70's art.
with their colors and characters.
also those sexy pin up girls we always see tatoo-ed on army men's arm.


sis gave me one tday.
and i loved it!

Thursday, April 2

well fed.

my short weeks in kl so far....
ahahha. 1st dinner out.
KEN brought me to eat beef noodles at this road side stall nearby....
good food. relatively affordable price la.... (KL maaaaa)
but it was nice...

we had noodles and sugar cane drinks i tink.
sugar cane drinks is RM1.50.... i tink.... i'm being auntie again... O.O"
but the food was good. KEN was nice enough to pao me home tooooo!
ahahaha. :)

few days after that. tarquin bawa me to makan... that day emo la...
long day at work. and I"M BROKE!!!
so tarquin belanja-ed me food.
gooooooood food.

being the angmo tat he is....=.="
he brought me to one of his fav spots.
Finnegans. one of KL's oldest irish pub/restaurant.
One of the first Irish pubs in town, Finnegan's, with its authentic-looking wood panelling and furniture, is one of the most popular drinking holes in town. The menu consists of mainly traditional English and Irish favourites.

we had pies and mussels....mmmmmmm...cheesy mussels....
and a wholelot of COKE.

yes yes people. i can never run away from having coca-cola's.

to sum tat outing up. the food was sinfully delicious. the company was simply great.
we just chilled la... talked bout our shitty stories. wahahah.
i havent seen him for so long.
and i dint noe he stayed so near.
(nor the fact tat i'm working so near KL Tower...)
but thats another one of those caryn-kl-jakun-stories.
not food-related. ahahahah

the next day, colleagues bawa me for some good chicken rice.
its right opposite where i ate dem beef noodles.
i'm a fan of chicken rice.
so.... its ALL SO GOOD to me....

chicken rice...beef noodles....chessy mussels....
as i've told u all...
caryn maybe broke.... but she is well fed.


james recently called me too!
he nooes the inside n outside of KL...
wahahah. more glorious food awaits.



Wednesday, April 1

free planner!!!

hello people!!!
you busy busy people with your busy busy life.

all that juggling and time managing can be alot of work sumtimes.
if u are a fan of dem planners... den this will sure be a good tool for u!!


Dutch Lady recently introduced the only 0% fat drinking yoghurt with Green Tea extract, a blend of active life culture and real fruit juice that helps you balance your diet daily and stay in shape.

Choose from five Shine flavours:

  • Strawberry/ Raspberry
  • Orange Mango
  • Lemon Lime
  • Apple Aloe Vera
  • Peach Passion

and for this particular drink, they've launch this diary/planner widget!

when at this site. just click on the more info about SHINE Stay-In-Shape Diary.
and the frame below will pop out!
kindly sign up by registering your name and email and password.
when that is done sign in to the site and you will be able to download the diary widget!!!

you have to make sure that your pop-up blocker is temporarily disabled kays?

a zipped file will be saved and you just have to extract & install it.

its pretty fun. its this small green diary on your desktop.
(to move it around you just have to right-click&drag)

other than the diary. it also has a diet / calorie tracker and lots more!

i actually find the widget adorable. but if u think its occupying too much of your space you can always minimize it. and it will be tucked away in a bag on your desktop!
try it!

voices of new malaysia