Sunday, May 17

decision

finally.
i've made a decision.
not to plan too far.... (sum ppl call it being irrational).
to do smthg that I truly enjoy (right now).

i'm not gonna go "oh~ the whole world is against me! no one understands me!"
grow up la~ ish.
i understand why everyone is worried.
i understand why my family is not-entirely-supportive of tis decision.
which was wat made this decision so hard to make.

so the decision is made.
frankly i'm scared.

all i noe is that this is smthg tat i wanna try doing.
i really love this job right now.
mayb in 1 yr, i might burn out or i might love it even more.

if i do burn out, i will continue on with a degree.
(i noe i might be several years later den ppl. but heck, least i did give it a TRY)
to me tats all that matters.
isnt it?

if i really wanna continue on with the job.
then the next hitting point would be a masters.

:)
for so many weeks, different opinions, different point of view.
either way i choose.
one side is gonna get hurt.
either way i choose.
sumone is gonna be disappointed.

amongst finding a way to please everyone else.
doesnt the question ultimately boils down to:
what do I really wanna do?

i want.....
a change.

doin smthg different.
this is an opportunity.
its not like a job which is mundane and stand still.
the challenge of this work excites me.
and gives me a chance to put my emotion, rationality and mentality to the test.

AM I REALLY READY FOR THIS?
i can prepare for years and years.
guess the only way to really find out is to give it a try.

i know my capabilities.
i noe that going on with the original plan would be a safer choice.
i noe that this decision is a risk.
but... when would be the time, if i dun take a risk now?
when i'm 25, 26 and i really need a job?

i'm 21 now.
so this is a risk i want to take.
its one of those choices where, its smthg i choose to do.
thus, no regrets.
(i hope)
even if it doesnt work out.
continuing at 22 would hurt me much.

:)
i'm just pep talking myself.
honestly i'm desperate for help and support.
SOMEONE to tell me that this is right.

but at this point.
all i have is myself.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Helo! Was just wondering what was the decision about? Working and not studying? Whatever it is.. do whatever you feel is right. At the end of the day, you are the one going thru it, make sure you're happy with what u are doing. =)

pui said...

hey

dun worry i am supporting u
i have ur back in case anything happens
i agree that u should do something that u want and live up to other's expectation be it ur parents or anyone else
nothing matters more than what u want in ur life
and that is the only thing that make u happy
trust me

i m doing what i want now
despite my age and the workload
though i feel old among my friends
though i noe i m not as smart as they are
but this i wanna do right now at this moment

so carry on with ur effort
i can c that u r happier now than before
when u were studying, u were so stressed up
n even though now that u r working with even more stress
u r just the opposite
everything seems brighter to u now rite?
coz it's what u WANT..

hugs!

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15Malaysia