Wednesday, March 28

all mixed up.


it feels like....
one of those vcr tapes that got stuck in the player...
when u pulled it out...
okay, the player is saved! *no big lost*
but everything else?
everythings a mess....
the sound dun sound right...
the video all scratched and torn...
and in the end?
it'll get stuck in the player again......


its weird...
i'm weird...
dun worry if u dunno watthecrap i'm yapping about...

jus let me yap...
i need to....


if u think ur gonna read bour anything good or progressive...
u can give up right now...
if u think ur gonna read on sumthing cheerful n perky...
try someone else's blog....
either way...
if u dun feel like it...
jus close this page...

its all about me tnite....
me...
the cold walls...
reflection on the window panes as cars passed by...
the old antique aircond working its magic in this warm night despite its annoying rusty sounds...

tday was basically jus so-so...
it started okay...
buthen...
it jus got worst....
wat am i thinking?

:: emo ::
i thought we had smthg.
i really did.
i thought tat this relationship would be diff.
i'm aware tat its hard.
i din even mind if u took a longer time.
but wat hurts the most is tat...
u din tell me about it till now.
if u knew tat its hurting me.
y couldnt u stop right there?
and there u go on n on n on about protecting me.
about nt wanting me to get hurt.
when its u tat hurting me the most.
i believed i've been sensible.
and rational.
after all these years...
i thought u of all ppl shud've known tat i'm tough.
i thought u of all ppl shud've known tat i despise being in the dark.
i still think u shud've told me n discussed.

:: jealous ::
i've always thought tat we were a match...
i dun know y am i feelin this way...
when u told me about it...
it din bugged me much...
but it started to soon...
the thing is...
i was bummed for the fact tat i was left out...
as i always am... left out of the picture....
mayb i din do well enough?
mayb results aint jus all....
c'mon... she had cheer n leo n random...
all with posts wey...
u would've jus died on the job....
perhaps...
mayb i had my hopes up too high....
mayb wat i did was jus he tip of the iceberg for them...
mayb i thought too highly of myself...
yea... i gt over confident...
and i started to compare....
who doesnt wan a lil' bit of recognition?
i think i gave more den i shud....
and i failed to get it back as i deserved.

:: sad ::
it is now 28th of march, 3.05am...
in 2 days time you would've been 84 years old.
u would've.
we could've been eating cake...
and by now i would've been buzzing around looking for the perfect bday gift.
yea...
i could've.
instead... i'm here drying my tears...
sitting on the floor in the middle of the night.
wishing tat somehow...
it din happen...
somehow, its was jus a bad dream.
tat i could jus wake up and everything would be fine.
but no..
the truth is staring right at me...
ur not here...
u'll nvr be...
it'll be jus me....
all by myself.....
in 8 days time...
i'll be standing at ur grave...
paying my respect.

its all mixed up...
three major issues..
three diff colors...

on a lighter note...
i found out tat ppl arent always as they seem...

serene seems to be pretty sweet...
hui min is actually from my primary school...

:: enigma ::
mourning.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Weih... Don't laiddat la =(

Better days to come okay...? =) The world's not that harsh girl. You're strong, I'm sure you'll make it k?

*hugs*

Sorry if I'm always not on msn and shit... =/ But I'll try to be there if you need anything k? Things always happen for the best... Maybe life might absolutely suck now... Hang in there girl ;-)

*huggggs!*

Anonymous said...

well since u like it so much...

Y LA??? >.<

it seems that life loves playing it's hand on u in mostly everyday of ur life...but wad can u do about it? we can't change time, the future, or the roads on which we'll walk on in the future...when trouble comes our way all we can do is suck it up n go on...it's that, that makes us stronger than we really are.

to be emo we must first have love,
to be jealous we must first respect,
to be sad we must first be happy...

when the emo-ness is gone, only love remains,
when the jealousy is gone, only respect remains,
when the sadness is gone, only happiness remains...

apoapsis-angel said...

are you okay? =((((. here's a BIG hug for you *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*.

i dont think i can do much for u but this is all i can give =\. cheer up babes. im here if u wan someone to confide in.

what ever tough times you're going through now will make you a stronger person in future =). better still, learn from them =). and guess what, i believe u can do it, and will go through this!

smile! and life wouldn't seem as harsh as it is.

easier said than done but no harm trying ;).

dearie, if u need to cry... *offers shoulder*.

take care =).

-3niGma- said...

thx guys. it means alot. i'm still trying to pick up the missing pieces. kudos to tz i'm nt alone in the depressing process...

to sbb: thx dude. who knows from despicable u turned out to be pretty okay... *smiles*

to ben: sorry for being cold and cruel. thx for always being there. ur preeeeeeety ok to despite the being annoying and TALL.

to stephy: ur an angel u noe? and its my blessing to have know u! *hugs back!*

Anonymous said...

and dat is supposed 2 make me better??? zzz well it's a start =D
hang in there...u'll always have us 2 pull u up when u're down ;D

-3niGma- said...

see?? tats y ur soooo tall n me so short!!! physics works!!

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