Saturday, November 11

:: you :: me :: love :: lost :: hope :: faith ::

who can say for certain... maybe you r still here...
i feel u all around me...
your memories so clear...
deep in the stilness i can hear u speak...
you are still an inspiration...
you are mine, forever loved...
your are watching over me from up above...




i went to JL's dad funeral tday... TZ went wit me... i picked sk n mp up on the way too...
no...TZ din noe JL...but he came wit me anyways... i wasnt prepared for this..not yet...not now...
i stepped into the funeral parlour... everything was so familiar... the casket... the ppl...every whole thing... the faces... the sadness... the lost... the hurt...
JL was typical of him...being the strong, carefree, ever smiling johnny boi... he's always tough...he's always been... he's been smiling n chatting wit us as tho nthg jus happened... but deep in his eyes... smthg is missing..he's lost the little twinkle in his eyes... u can see the hurt in his eyes...how hard it is for him to continue like this...we were introduced to his mom... jus looking at her makes my heart whithered n broken... she looked so pale...
 
having frens around really helps... it felt alright at the start... nthg was wrong...JL was cheerful..we were chatting along... den it was time to send dem home...we dropped sk 1st...she has exams tml.... den we dropped mp.. after that... it started... the memories...the tears...almost instantly... i was clentching my hands to get a grip of my own crumbling emotions... gawd i missed her so much! i couldn't stand it... if TZ wasnt driving...i would've drove up the curb coz my eyes were blurred....

he held my hand n he told me softly... " now do u noe why i insisted on following?" "sometimes, u may think that the wound is healed... yet fresh blood is still flowing inside... dun deny it... it doesnt mean that if u ignored it, choose not to think about it... it will heal itself... becoz it wouldn't..."  "it hurting... i noe it... but no matter what u still need to face it... i'm nt asking u to forget her... neither am i asking u to wipe everything away..." "what i am asking is for u to accept  the truth... n let yourself live again... stop hurting yourself out of guilt... you're jus causing more pain to yourself..." "you noe i'm here... you're not alone..."



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