as if you dun feel fugly enough?

----------------------------WARNING-------------------------------
-----------------------RANTING POST AHEAD--------------------

sometimes you say things like
"ah, screw them la~"
"they dunno what they're saying."
"they dun understand ma."

simply because they are outsiders and you wouldn't care about their 2 cents worth / 1 ringgit worth of opinion. simply because they dun mean nuts to you.

i do that too. which is probably why i'm always very detached to alot of ppl.
strangely enough, i'm actually not that indifferent.

what people think do effect me. what people say do hurt me.
its just that only people i deem as "important" has that control over my emotions.
people that matters, family, close friends. they mean the world.
and it jus hurts like a steel knife chugged down your throat when they as things like that.
as u try to not be a baby and be more sporting, you try ur hardest to swallow that steel knife in ur throat without crying or whining.

suck it up babe.
they dun understand.
but shouldnt they?
i mean, this is coming from the same person that'd say smthg like "family means, no matter what shit u end up with, they'll back you up."
really?
doesn't it cracks you up how ironic some situations can be?

i guess, if it doesnt suck, its not life huh?
life is about ppl telling you how inadequate you are.
life is about ppl telling you how you're never good enough.
life is about ppl showing you how they can do better than you.
life is about ppl complaining that you're not trying to hard enough.
life is about ppl judging you if you're worth 2 minutes of their time.
life is about ppl criticizing you in front and behind you.
life is about ppl telling you "u can do it! :)" but actually meaning to say "simple only la, if u cant do it ur plain dumb la"
life is about ppl saying, "try to understand our situation" when they mean "this is nt worth my time, i'm already being nice, please shoooo! go away".
life is about trying to prove to the whole world that ur strong.
while deep down inside, u even doubt the reason and purpose WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS?

looking back, why are these bugging me again?
simply because they echo what i think of myself.
i really do not understand (i try as i may) why do i have so low self worth?
i dun see me being adequate enough. i dun see me being good enough.
i dun see me being... enough.
this amount of self loathing is very destructing.
really.

u can ask the panadols & happy pills i eat daily to stop rashes & thumping headaches.

blergh! too much emotions girl.
take a drink, a deep breath, cry it all out and u're OK to go!
:)

你不知道的事

你不知道我为什么离开你

我坚持不能说放任你哭泣

你的泪滴像 倾盆大雨

碎了满地 在心里清晰

你不知道我为什么狠下心

盘旋在你看不见的高空里

多的是 你不知道的事

3 and a half bottle of beers

phuket thailand.

sun sea sand

and a whole lot of funky crazy work stressed people

crazy people

alcohol

booze

black underwears under sheer white mini skirts

pole dancers

through the night

they conquered PHuuuUUUket la~

i was never a very "happening" person

not keen on the rowdy scenes as well

fun tho. even for a lil while.

to let loose.

shake it all off

(stress i mean)

garden overlooking the whole patong beach

bangla street's music thumping along

laughters and giggles from people walking downstairs

clear dark sky

stars up above

moonlight shines through

mild warm sea breeze

3 and a half bottles of beer

serene

peace

warm

comfortable

safe

i'm happy

That Okay Song

Hey, it's OK. We gotta live for a better day.
now we give a lil ♥ and we're on our way.
kita kaotim everything. badapalaweh.

u say dun play play, kita mudah lupa baru we say NAY!
now we got a lil ♥, keep it on reply.
U say semua x boleh tapi we all OK. :)

mid autumn festival

every year during this time.

i think of you alot.

how u'd wear the suit "samfu" with pretty flowers.

how u'd make us quilt blankets, everyone of us.

how u'd tell us stories about all the has beens.

and how u'd smile no matter what as long as we're together.

I rmb sitting outside in the garden.

all of us.

as we munched on a whole lot of gift mooncakes.

u'd steam yams and "bull's horns".

we'd drink beer and sweet potato soup.

some groundnuts, char yeh tan (herbal egg) occasionally.

i rmb playing with those litted folded paper tanglungs.

as they sway in the air with the candle burning in them

as we ran out of places to hang them,

u'd forbid us from going anywhere near ur plants.

you have the most beautiful plants and flowers.

you garden was always blooming.

how every pot is delicately and carefully trimmed and taken care off.

indeed it was a garden of love.

and yet, we'd still find ways to ruin it.

i cant rmb how many times my tanglungs burned ur flowers.

yet u'd only be mad a little while.

guess u love me more than them?

hoho.

i really miss u.

really really i do.

as tears welled up in my eyes when i was looking up in the sky today.

i cant help but wonder...

amah, are you still there watching over us?

would u still be around?

i miss u dearly.

as the half moon glisten in the night, tonight the clouds din hide you away.

as the moon shone oh so brightly tonight, my heart ached with emptiness.

how i wished i could jus picked up the phone and call....

"hello amah, slept d a?..."

how i wished that i could drive down to usj and u'd still be there... sitting in the hall watching wahlaitoi.

its been 4 yrs my dear.

4 yrs already.

its evident that we still miss u tremendously.

i really do wish u'd still be here.

You

habit?

got use to it?

why i do sometimes still miss having u around?

urgh.

note to self: will get better.

:(

worth a re-watch

小压与小松

Xiao Ya Yu Xiao Song | Upload Music

Waaaa... Moon Jie Jie & Loving Tree very geng a! Gt song de wo!!
http://lovingtree-family.blogspot.com/

小压与小松 (Lil' Stress & Lil' Relax)
词：邱满媚
曲：陈厚松

松松松 松松松 我怎么担心啦
Lil Relax, why are you worried?
压压压 压压压 深呼吸一下吧
Lil Stress, breathe in deep and stay calm.

松松松 松松松你怎么做到呀
Lil Relax, how do you do it?
压压压 压压压 放松3分钟阿
Lil Stress, chill la for 3 minutes!

有压力有动力 小压不怕啦
A little stress & pressure push you further, don't be afraid of Lil Stress.
有放松有平静 小松做到啦
A little relaxation gives you peace, Lil Relax did it already!

有准备有目标 小压勇敢啦
With preparation you'll aim high, be brave Lil Stress.
有方法有信心 小松快乐啦
With the right methods & confidence, Lil Relax is happy now!

啦啦啦 啦啦啦 我们一同努力吧！
Lalala Lalala Lets work hard together!
啦啦啦 啦啦啦 我们一起加油吧！
Lalala Lalala Lets cheer each other!

啦啦啦 啦啦啦 我们一同努力吧！
Lalala Lalala Lets work hard together!
啦啦啦 啦啦啦 我们一起加油吧！
Lalala Lalala Lets cheer each other!

[在孩子的世界，担心，害怕是他们压力的反应，这是成长过程中必然面对的。我们不希望孩子抗拒，排斥压力，而是希望孩子可以认识另一个生命中重要的方法~~放松。
In a child's eyes, worry and fear is their reaction to stress & pressure. But all these are whats life is made off, everyone goes through it. We do not wish that our children will avoid and reject stress, we hope they will learn to know another important component of life - "Calm yourself".

小压没有放松方法很难独立成长，小松没有目标也很难独立成长。 所以小压与小松需要一起共行，勇敢地面对成长过程，让快乐与爱从心中开始发芽。
Lil Stress will not grow if he cannot find the the way to calm himself down. Lil Relax will not succeed if he cannot find his aims & directions. That's why, Lil Stress & Lil Relax need to work together. Be brave and confront these paths of life and you will grow. Let happiness & love grow from your heart. ]

ice cream

the ice cream man.
nostalgic.

no, not the typical "mat kool mat kool kawan kuuuu!".
the old ice cream, with his bike and a bell that going "tingling-a ling- a ling-a ling"
he din sell cornetto or drumstick all that jazz.
it was icecream.
jagung
yam
strawberry
vanilla
chocolate
on plastic-like cones or even with bread!
THAT ice cream man.

i remember when amah was still around, we'd go walk in Tanjung Emas Muar.
How ice cream melts so fast I usually only manage to eat half of them.
How the wind would blow in your hair while a bunch of young teens would ride along the coast with their bikes.
How the apek uncles would be fishing by the side and I'd spy on them, wondering what the heck would still be alive in that dirty water.
Amah Yehyeh always did shower us with love & care.
Nonetheless, we weren't necessarily spoilt (ok.. maybe just a little)
but we learn to appreciate, love, forgive & respect.
Family comes 1st.
always.

That's what I got from her the most.
Family trips.
How she loved them.
We'd make it a point to travel every year, the whole ching-bang of a family.
from my aunts, to my uncles, cousins & siblings.
Even the ones that are not in Malaysia.
Trips like these always cheers her up.

My grandmother was a very poise lady.
From her cursive writing, her calligraphy, details in her crafts and cross-stitch, even to the way she precisely pronounced her English.
But she is also bold and daring, sporting and most of all loving.
I remember my grandmother drinking Tiger Beers & Ngan Yin groundnuts during one of our gatherings.
wow... boy oh boy.... she is amazing.

Our family trips always had a lot of people.
we're a huge family!
we could easily pao 1 whole floor or 1 whole apartment of 5-6 rooms for our trips.
and every night, we'd bring beer, junk food & snacks over to the HQ room.
where the adults drink and chat, and the kids ... well... we played. :P
those were the days.

endearing and heart warming.
family dinners are worth rushing back to.
family trips are worth making time for.
family are people who'd never turn their backs on you.

family.
:)

p/s: i miss you amah.

放手

很多蝴蝶，我看到；

谢谢你。

“如果我爱你成为你的负担，
如果你想要有翅膀自由飞翔，
我会用我的爱让我离开，
为了你离开你。”

看到了心很痛。

不想再给解释了。

不想再给借口了。

就只是累了。

对不起，伤害了你。

谢谢你，包容了我。

爱。。。 半夜3点了，我又睡不着了。

For you

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die... 

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop... 

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone 

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry

It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go 

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone 

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

emotions

argh!
i hate emotions.
i hate feeling weak.
i hate it!
hate it!


i hate emptiness.
i hate guilt.
i hate sadness.
i hate pain.
i hate agony.
i hate all these shit.

what about happiness you'd ask?
well, happiness jus makes the emptiness worst doesnt it?

urgh

time to switch mode.

enough said

let's just stop.
too much to handle.

said it.

so... you had a bad day?

having a series of bad days.

hmmmm...

when will they end?

O.o

songs that struck me nowadays.

转变 changes

These days, some songs brings me into perspective. They calm me and sooth me. *breathe* Just sharing some good tunes.

词曲：黄康淇
主唱：黄康淇 小提琴：Lim Hui
制作/编曲/配唱/混音：三明治
OP: Pigeon House Production

---

我曾经悲伤 见到美好一天落幕
I was sadden, seeing some so beautiful come to an end.
我还会犹豫 好与坏如何看清楚
I still doubt, if i cant differentiate the difference between the good and the bad.
原来这些都像 云一般会飘过
But actually all these will float by just like the flying clouds.
转眼化成了雨 回归了大地
In a blink of an eye, they will become rain, coming back full circle to the ground.

我曾经失落 当梦想变成了泡沫
I was depressed, when dreams became nothing but mere fantasies.
我还会疑惑 快乐后又回到落寞
I still struggle with the transitions from happiness to emptiness
原来这些就像 春天盛开的花
But all these are like flowers blooming in spring time
转眼在冬天化成了雪 反照了内心
In a blink of an eye, winter comes and so does snow, reflecting your thoughts and your heart.

~~~~

我在生活中 明白许多还不够
In my life, i understand a lot of things are "never enough"
生命会有起落 欢乐后又悲伤
There will always be ups and downs ; happiness & sadness.
当我开始学习看开 从大地学会自在
When I learn to take a step back and let go, I start to feel freedom.
明白了 终究在 两个极端中 找不到自己
Understand that, we can't find our self in between 2 extremes.
可是我在生活中 明白这些还不够
But in my life, i understand all these are "never enough"
生命会有巨浪 将我再一次沉没
Life will always have huge waves, attempting to drown and sink me in.
但我相信人生是有原因 开始在呼吸间寻找
But I'll believe that all these challenges in life will serve a purpose,
breathe...and you will find them.
生命在手心间伸展出翅膀 学习去飞翔
Life, in your hands, will stretch its wings...
and learn to fly.

~~~~

紧握是执著，放开是自在，
Holding on too tightly, by letting go you'll find comfort,
转换心念则转变人生，视透人生的悲欢起落，
A change of perspective and mindset will change your life, looking through life in all its changes,
我听到自在的生命在声声呼唤
I can hear peace & freedom call me.

The Wish Project

While some of us will reach for the stars,
There will be those who need a helping hand.

Just like the sky that blankets us every night,
The Wish Project allows you to send your wishes,
thoughts, and hopes into cyberspace.

It doesnt matter what others think bout your wish.
What matters most is that it's yours.

Who knows, someone out there could make your wish come true...

When you reach for the stars you may not quite get one, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.
-Leo Burnett

http://www.leoburnett.com.my/wishes/index.html

痛。

看着你的短讯。
心真得很酸。
真的做错了吗？
我错了吗？

我不懂。
我只知道。。。现在拖着很辛苦。
我不需要你可怜。
我不需要别人代替来爱我。
谢谢你曾经给我幸福。

我了解，我知道。
句号到了。
不能回头了。
那我想要忘记。
我想要彻底。

你会好好的。
没有说谁没有了谁就活不下去。
你会相通的。
你会熬过去的。

缘聚缘散，至少曾经有过。
你会没事的。
照顾自己。
真的。

did you?

ever walked down a long road, and fall into a pit hurting yourself?
i did.

ever since then, you wouldn't dare wander off onto any roads alone again.
you wouldn't dare to ever TRY and skip around an unfamiliar path.
after a few rounds, kinda kill u inside.
you wouldn't dare to have fun; take a risk anymore.

if you know there's gonna be a pit in front.
and you know you can never ever ever go past it.
no matter how you've tried to patch it up or use a rope or build a bridge.
soon... you jus dun even wanna use that road anymore.

沒那麼簡單

希望给了。很多次了。
已经四年了。太多了。
我不信了。我不要了。
我不敢了。我不要天真了。
我不要痛了。

1988

Just saw this site from Karen's blog.
It tells you what happened the year you were born.

I was born on 1988.
When I was born, Tom Cruise was in the most famous movie then.
And when I was 15, Tom Cruise was again in the most famous show them.
WAhahahahah.

When i was 15, I was in love with this prefect.
He was artistic & caring. He got me into loving art.
Abit too protective, but damn kao macho.

wahahah.
When I was 15, it wasnt This is The Night by Clay Aiken.
The song was If You're not the one By Daniel Bedingfield.
Hahahahha. because I think Clay Aiken was a Softie. HAH!


Interesting read. :) Give it a try!

择

择 decisions/choices

词曲：黄康淇

主唱：阿顺

吉他：Jamie Wilson 贝斯：Khoon

鼓：Martin Ngim 和声：阿顺

制作/编曲/配唱/混音：三明治

OP: Pigeon House Production

---

在这午夜时分 依然合不着眼的我
its late at night, and you still can't close your eyes to rest.
唯有眼睁睁地让时针转动
staring blankly at the clock on the wall ticking away.
心中的忧虑 和心中的困惑
all the worries and doubts you had,
也该轻轻地搁在一个角落
are put aside to a little corner
过去的烦恼 和如今的难题
frustrations in the past, and issues faced today...
也该随着时针悄悄地逝去
should also go as the clock ticks away.
我们的情怀 和我们的命运
our emotions, and our destiny,
就让今夜的心做决定
let your heart tonight make the decision.
~~~~

告诉自己 什么最重要
tell yourself, what is most important now?
什么该放手 什么该不屈不挠
somethings we need to let go, some we need to strive.

告诉自己 什么最重要
tell yourself, what is more important now?

什么该让因缘来观照
and the rest, lets let fate bring us along.
告诉自己 什么最重要
tell yourself, whats more important to you?
什么该潇洒 什么该用心得到
sometimes we need to be casual and let things go, somethings we need to really put effort to achieve.
告诉自己 什么最重要
tell yourself, whats more important now.
什么该让悲智来觉照
somethings, why not just let love & compassion take the lead?

~~~~

***
人生时刻处在选择的十字路口，
什么时候该做什么、该要什么，
什么时候不做什么、不要什么，
意志与心念，历练我做抉择。
In our journey, we are always stopping at crossroads.
Right now, what should we do? what should we desire?
Right now, what shouldn't be done? what we should let go?
experience, determination & mindful state of mind, will teach you how to make a decision.
***

loves

this is what i want.
:)

孫燕姿 - 我不難過

PD marilah~

PD is coming oh so near.
I'm excited.

:P
finally a break!

Pray for You - Jaron and The Long Road to Love :: Official Video

Worst break up song ever.
So much HIDDEN anger & spite.
LOL

and ppl say WOMEN are the worst to handle a breakup!??

"I pray your brakes go out
Running down a hill
I pray and flower pot falls
From a window sill
And knocks you in the head like Id like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray your flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are
Honey, I pray for you"

Nightmares bugging me

Woi. i need to sleep.
quite bugging me.
let me sleep!!

GGrr...

woke up at 6 am this morn. urgh...
feels like crap.
felt like i can jus lie in my bed and rot.

sometimes it does feels like my bed can & will eat me alive.
(or the balance of "life" i have).
----------------------------------------------------------

let this be over.
watever happened to the days when u can jus wake up and smile?
roll in under the covers as u rub ur feet together?
AAAaaa~~~

snores

:)

today is going to be a good day.
as long as i believe it, it will be.

come what may, i'll be alright.
:)

btw, i love playgrounds.
i love lying on the padang as i watched the clouds fly by.
i love sitting in the swing with breeze in my hair.
i love jus chilling there with a bottle of coke, under a tree during a breezy evening.

maybe i'll go to the playground today.
:)
any takers?

loves Superman

Joe Brooks - Superman.

Not my normal usual Macho man.
But his voice is very nice.
interesting.

good lyrics too. :)

"If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am".

one day

you'll find peace and serenity.
you will.
don't worry.

burn

chemical burns.

burnsssss.

burnsssss.

burnt.

ouch

somewhere

there will be hope.
you just need to believe it.
and u will find it.

set me free....

ever wondered how long would it take.
to finally be set free?

here's the ironic part.
no one in hold on but u!

sometimes we get so caught up in every lil emotion and feeling.
and we refuse to let it go.
but to let it dwell and continue fueling - now tats disastrous.

we'd always complain...
why wouldn't u let me go?
why wouldn't you cut me some slack?
why wouldn't you give me a break?
WHY!!!

* breathe*
take a step back.
whose giving who a hard time?

:)
yourself.

70/30 my boss said.
when u tink u've tried ur best, let it go.
no need to push u self till ur against the wall.
why put urself thru such misery, especially over things that u cant control??!!
everything is impermanent.

The only one that can make you happy, truly happy.
is YOURSELF and how u see this world.
NOT how others see u.

we just need to survive

remind yourself daily that you're a fighter.

take me away

PD dun fail me now.
take me away.
sun on my head.
wind in my face.
salt in my hair.
sand in my underwear.

everything.
Please happen!

step by step

breathe.

superheroes

The man that cooks.

bro's been cooking these days.
:)

ngo hou fang fuk a!!
hehe.
he has this ridiculus liking to UBER SUPER SPICY food all the time.
O.o
can dieeeee....
still nice la! i jus need to drink alot alot alot alot alot alot of water.
:P

there's smthg ridiculously awesome about a man that can cook. :)
---------------

went out with mandy n phoebe ages ago. we went to watch "despicable me".
WOohooo!
COMELLLLL!! :P

They went to toilet for like 10 mins and I got myself some cute flats!
see??? *whack!*

so not me right?
xpe xpe... comfy shoes... even its so cute i NEED courage to wear it.
its comfy.

:)

MirrorMask (2005)

I remember watching this in college.
Awesome nonetheless. The graphics... how surreal fantasy blends in with reality...
amazing.

"Onwards and Upwards!"

Trailer~

Tuesdays with Morrie

Old book... I know.
In fact it's not even mine. :)
but i thank the person who passed me the book.
a teacher indeed.

ever had someone who connected with you from the very start?
no need to be related, no need to be even "besties".
but you'd click instantly. :)
a teacher, a parent, a grandparent or just a friend.
Someone older, patient and wise, who understood you when you were young and searching, helped you see the world as a more profound place, gave you sound advice to help you make your way through it.

As the world got colder, and everything seems so busy. We'd go on and on with our lives chasing things which we think are important. then we get tired.... Wouldn't you like to see that person again, ask the bigger questions that still haunt you, receive wisdom for your busy life today the way you once did when you were younger?

Mitch Albom had that second chance. Months before his death, he met Morrie again. Knowing he was dying, Morrie sees with Mitch in his study every Tuesday, just as they used to back in college. Their rekindled relationship turned into one final "class": lessons in how to live.

A few quotes which hit me right at the spot. i love them indeed.

On Getting Meaning into Life:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (p.43)

On Culture:

"People are only mean when they're threatened, and that's what our culture does...And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture." (p.42)
***
"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." (p.42)

On Status and Showing Off:

"...if you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down on you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone." (p.127)

On Being Number Two:

"What's wrong with being number two?" (p.159)

On Material Things:

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent." (p.103)
* * *
"You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship." (p.125)

On Family:

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family." (p.91)
* * *
"If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important." (p.91)

On Emotions:

"If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid." (p.104)

On Love:

"Love wins. Love always wins." (p.40)
* * *
"Love each other or die." (p.163)

On Relationships:

"There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like." (p.177,178)

On Forgiveness:

"Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others." (p.164)
* * *
"We...need to forgive ourselves...For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened." (p.166)

On Most Important Thing in Life:

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." (p.52)

On Trust:

"...if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too--even when you're in the dark." (p.61)

On Friendship:

"...we've had thirty-five years of friendship. You don't need speech or hearing to feel that." (p.71)

On Dying and Living:

"Don't let go too soon but, but don't hang on too long." (p.162)

On Aging:

"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue." (p.120)

On Immortality:

"...love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone." (p.133)

On Marriage:

"...there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike." (p.149)
* * *
"I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it." (p.149)

On Death :

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." (p.174)


-Mitch Albom

changes

as changes moves in...

you'd start to tink.

as changes moves in...

you' start to squirm.

nthg is permanent.

tats a fact.

everything is ever changing.

"wu" - nothingness is constantly being reminded.

why do we hold on relentlessly to every little thing?

material, success, accomplishment, status, relationship, people.

so what do we really hold on to for sanity?

ourselves.

set aside these frustrations.

set aside these distractions.

set aside these expectations.

set aside these emotions.

what do you really want?

who are you ... really?

where's your passion?

then hopefully, everything is clear.

United to Freeze Tiger Trade

Tamia - Officially Missing You (Sing-a-long)

i wanna scream and shout

go away.
ur annoying me.

y am i expected to do everything u asked.
eventho everything is so constrained.

i'm not a superhero, yet u expect me to be.
and ur not even nice.

i just wanna to breakdown and cry.
so please let me.

before i run amok and start cutting ppl into bloody pieces.
strangling them with their own intestines.
grinding them into paste.

so just leave me please?
i'm begging you.
so jus give me this space.
because i need it.

i miss my girl friends

need i say more?

really as simple as it is?

evaine's new room. :)

This morning....
:)

From:	Evaine Tan
To:	chrisyeowc@gmail.com, ycynthia@maxis.com.my, caryn.yeo@leoburnett.com.my
Date:	11-07-10 06:56 PM
Subject:	my own room

hi auntie, hi uncle,
my mummy and papa said I am a big girl now and I can have my own room already.
check out my new room!

love,little evaine

-------------------------------------------------------------

From: Caryn Yeo
Date: Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:29:25 +0800
To: Evaine Tan
Cc: ;
Subject: Re: my own room
1st of all.
OMG evaine has email!!!

2nd of all, the room is adorable!!
that day i go sis hse to bath oso din see geh!!!

Best Regards,
Caryn Yeo | Executive | Brand Management


--------------------------------------------------------------

From: evaine.tanly@gmail.com
To: "Caryn Yeo"
Cc: "Christopher Yeo" , "Cynthia Yeo"
Date: 13-07-10 03:42 PM
Subject: Re: my own room

That day I haven't become big girl maaa... I'm 4 months old already!Next time please come see my pretty room when you come visit us. Today got an additional flower light.You'll have to ask me if you wanna bathe in my bathroom next time. But I'll let you bathe dun worry bae yee, Just have to be softer so that you dun disturb my beauty sleep cuz most probably I'll sleeping soundly.Little Evaine
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

in your arms

i wish i was

finally

finally its done...

months of planning.

months of headache.

months of hair pulling stress!

weeks of execution

weeks of setup and buildup.

the event.

it happened.

it didn't rain *thank you weather consultant*

crowd was good.

people were not bad.

everything went ayyy okaaayyy...

few bumps and bruises here and there..

but hey baby, ITS DONE!

eminem

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down

Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

everythings such a rush

siao a?

work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work....

siao weh.

setup 12am till 3am...4am... 7am....
work at 10am...
setup at 12am again...
den work at 10am....
and work at 12am....
and go setup again....
my gosh, everything better be alright for this weekend's event.
I'll kill myself.

sometimes

sometimes ppl jus let you down.
doesnt matter what you do.
doesnt matter how long u've tried.
sometime..

jus sometime... people just dont care about you.

Events

c'mon.
buck up.

1 week to the event.
eyes wide open babe.
time to work work work!

i dreamt

it was raining the whole day today.

same as it was the whole night yesterday.

as i lay down in my bed so quietly,

i close my eyes and cover my blanket tightly.

wishing you'd be here to hold me tight,

same as you were in my dream last night.