痛。

看着你的短讯。
心真得很酸。
真的做错了吗？
我错了吗？

我不懂。
我只知道。。。现在拖着很辛苦。
我不需要你可怜。
我不需要别人代替来爱我。
谢谢你曾经给我幸福。

我了解，我知道。
句号到了。
不能回头了。
那我想要忘记。
我想要彻底。

你会好好的。
没有说谁没有了谁就活不下去。
你会相通的。
你会熬过去的。

缘聚缘散，至少曾经有过。
你会没事的。
照顾自己。
真的。

happy birthday!
happy birthday my love.
its been a blessing having u around.

guess thats the good thing about dating one of your best friends huh?
after 8 yrs, everything and anything is already known.
we actually ENJOY bugging each other!

:)

you noe i love u.
hugs!

Taman Pertanian 170808

hahha..after some long period of stress...
me interning..... my frens with their exam...work....
wahahha...we decided to go on a fun trip to taman pertanian...
to jus chill and relax.

!$%!~!!!!!!!!@#$!@#$ they rented bikes...which...i have no idea how to ride...O.O
i was soooooo dead!
pic 1: teacher lim
pic 2 : chai shing, dennis (behind)
pic 3: new member! wahahah... wan ming/celine
pic 4: her butterfly pants!!!!!!! i kept staring at her butt!!! got butterfly ma!
the journey started soon after that....
we (they) started to cycle la......
1st pit stop was this really cool obstacle course!
pic 5: chilling..rest!
pic 6: the obstacle course
i love taman pertanian...mayb not be like really "jungle" jungle...but its still very nice...view n tress are alwasy good.
pic 7: up there!
pic 8: my driver.... kesian... it was uphill n down hill n uphill n down hill again...
pic 9: see? notice the mayat in orange shirt? sudah mati liao....
went to this tower...ooo...nice.....
the view was great...
pic 10: the small small ppl n bicycle are our geng lo!
pic 11: the river/tasik side view.
the dumdums...we just got lazy and started throwing stones in the lake...
bigger n bigger stones....
then it soon became rocks! and bricks!!! scary...
after that...
sumone threw smthg...n den it float...
we were like "EH!!!! ur stone float ka? "
hehehe...stupid fella thre wood.
=.="
pic 12: us.
pic 13: more scenery.
last stop was the 4 season house..
its not winter there now....but late summer/early autumm... boohoo...
luckily it is still colder than outside.
GOD we were sweating like pigs!!!
pic 14:drying our sweat....shit damn hot outside.
pic 15-16 : inside the 4 season house
wanted to balik straight d...
den we passed by "taman haiwan"...we all rushed in...
any excuse to stay longer...
wahahahaha....
pic 17: saw this fella there...
more photos: http://carynyeo4.multiply.com/photos/album/28/Taman_Pertanian170808

guess that was sunday la...
damn effing tiring...
yet fun...
havent done it in years....

:)

yesterdays

yesterday

there werent any worries

yesterday

troubles meant nothing

yesterday

u din have that scar on your chin

yesterday

long hair was never my thing

yesterday

everything was ok

yesterday

a frown was something rare on your face

yesterday

we would laugh at any simple thing

yesterday

everything was as carefree as the wind

it struck me yesterday after the show,

i havent seen u smile like that for a very long time.

as we grow up

we learned to wear masks and hide behind covers.

afraid?

or just doing it for the sake of trying to be wat others wan us to be?

you have burdens building up on your shoulders

which i'll never ever comprehen.

heavy as they seemed,

you never show it on your face.

i would give anything in this whole world,

giftwrap it if i could.

but for that smile and laugh yesterday.

:: innocence ::

:: freedom ::

like colourful balloons flying in the sky

:: 3niGma ::

the smallest little gesture

the sweetest smallest little thing he did.

wasnt that small after all.

all stressed and worked up over my assignment.

suppose to meet up with him for lunch.

wasnt really anything special actually,

as i was pretty tired n tension over homework,

and he was tired n having muscle cramps over the badminton game yesterday.

i jus wanted to meet him for lunch, thats all.

to my surprise, when i stepped into his hall.

that familiar smell reminded me of the pasar malam i use to go.

on the table was a glass plate.

and four golden yellow favourites of mine...!!

the smallest little thing he did.

wasnt that small after all.

it managed to cheer me up a little bit.

made me realised he was there after all.

he helped me to stock up my chewing gum supply for my late night copywriting work.

he helped me to cope when i was about to breakdown due to sickening group assignments.

he helped me by making me soy bean drinks when i had gastric.

he helped me by sending me late night messages when i'm doin my work.

sumtimes i do wonder, when ppl say i'm the luckiest gurl alive. because i am! i have a friend, a buddy, a bestie, a brother, a teacher and a companion all at the same time.

有时睡前躺在床上，

想想我们之前走过的。

怎么兜了兜、转了转，

跌跌撞撞又跑回彼此的怀抱里。

想起来有时都会傻笑…

也许就是要失去过，

才会懂得珍惜吧…………

-3niGma-

middle of the night

in the middle of the night.
staring at the screen with my tear washed eyes.
hopeless.
speechless.
i jus wanted to type it all out.
i can hear u crying on the other side.
u r as lost as i am.
feeling deserted and abandoned.

u tell me tat i look happier with him....
u tell me tat u can nvr give me wat i need....
u tell me tat mayb he's a better fit?
u tell me tat he comes from the same world i did...
so does it mean tat he'll make me any happier?

all of the sudden...
these few months were...
full of insecurities...
full of instabilities...
when will it end?
anytime...
feels like it...
theres not closure...

mayb u tink too much...
mayb it'll pass...
mayb its jus jealousy...
mayb its just a phase...
i dunno....

it'll nvr be the same again...
for the better? or the worst?

cut hair

i cut my hair...

correction...

tzer cut my hair...

feels lighter tho..

but kenot tie liao....

before...........................................................................

after.................................................................................

the funny man i see

stumble upon some old and new photos.

decided to post em jus for the fun of it.

the guy everyone sees:

• yeng~ wo... *blergh!*
• cool wo... *pppfffttthhh!!*
• fierce... *uh huh... tell me bout it!*
• cute...? *above average la...*
• fit? *akakak...no longer!*
• takes charge of a situation

the guy i see :

• funny! (cracks me up everytime)
• sensitive... (kinda...hmmm....)
• manja-fied... (unexpected but definitely)
• weird... O.O (the weirdo list goes on n on n on n on)
• tidy freak! ( he cleans up better den me!)
• cute... (as in comel!!)

the man i see:

he would make ridiculous funny faces jus to make me smile. lets me laugh my arse of jus because he did smthg stewpid but nvr laughs back. stop gyming so tat i wouldnt soon be bigger size than him. cries with me. holds me when i'm weak. drive around my hse 37 times jus to check if i'm okay when i gt into an accident. talks to me all night coz i din wanna have nightmares. leave the phone line on even when i'm asleep to be there when i had a rough day. comes over jus to give me a massage. lets me be as tomboy as i want to. cleans up after my mess! wash my dishes when i had rashes. lets his arm go numb instead of waking me up coz i was lying on him. trims my hair. doesnt mind tat i dun use make up. holds my hand when we cross the road. calls me 42 times coz i lost my phone and i din reply his msg. tells me tat he cares and he was very worried. cries when he gets hurt.

ok... me getting mushy... i noe....

dun mind me...

lalalallaal....

back to work...

copywriting.... copy...writing....

:: EniGma ::

crushed............

am i not good enough?

mayb its my fault.

why couldnt u bring urself to tell me the truth?

u told me everything else.

i trusted u.

apparently u dun.

u be-littled my capabilities.

u under minded my maturity.

u dun think i'm strong enough?

or u jus though tat i dun need to know?

watever the fact is.

no... u din lie....

u jus purposely hide the truth.

pppfftthhh!!!

:: shit!!! ::

we were all having a meeting...
a little discussion....
wat to buy to the newlyweds??
wat wat wat????
bed sheets?? tupperware??
photo albums?? photo frames??
whats the budget??
wat bout the performance??
wat song?? which song??!!
how long??
....blah blah blah....

"this song can a???"
"play and see 1st..."
"ok..can please play a??"
she was talking 2 me...
so i walked over...bend down...
took the cd....and walked to the cd player.....

squatted down... it was on the floor...
and i was trying to make it work....
not really pro wit these tehcno thingamajiggys...
but then....

"urhm... hey babe?" his voice was right behind me...
"yea...??" he bend down... tucked his head right by my shoulders....
"mmm... i din know u wear thongs...." he chuckled....
"whaa???!!" instinctively, i place my right hand behind me....
shit!!! my thongs are showing!!! oh the embaressment!!!
"oh crap!! ehehh... there werent suppose to be seen.....!!!"
but it was too late.. i couldnt wipe that smug look on his face!
i quickly got up from my position... pulled my pants...
face all purple red...
"dun u dare....." but his idiotic playful grin was so freaking obvious...
he walked up to me...
slowly pulled me to him...
"....pink lace ....." he whispered....
SHIT!!!!
"idiot!!!!" i rebutted!!!

...
.....
he grinned...
and he walked off....


...
.....
...
.....

i'm nvr wearing my thongs again..

maybe....

maybe its the way u walk,

fast paced yet light so that u dun bother anyone;

maybe its the way u talk,

u take ur time but u always made sense;

maybe its the way u ponder sometimes,

when u work up a frown n i can see ur temples pulsing;

maybe its the way tat ur always cheerfull,

making everyones life ever so easier;

maybe its the way u try to act strong,

leaving jus a tiny space for me to see your true fears...

maybe its the way u smile,

so true so real,

u make me smile too!

grinning for ear to ear....

maybe its the way ur over protective,

jealously eyeing every guy tat comes near me,

silently telling me tat u r afraid of losing me too...

maybe its the life ur leading,

maybe its ur family,

maybe its the pressure,

maybe its jus u.

being forced to grow up too early,

having burdens on ur shoulders when they weren't suppose to be.

maybe its because u need to move on,

u started wearing a mask;

hiding all ur real thoughts,

secretly crying at night;

maybe its because u don't want to see ur family cry,

so u became the joker;

being the rebel and the grown up,

healing everyone's wound while digging up urs....

i do not know exactly what ur goin thru,

i doubt i ever will;

but by ur side i'll be standing,

when darkness come u'll see me there still;

i don't know how my presence can help,

i don't know how i could help ease the pain,

but maybe jus by being there...

i could help u smile again...??

jus maybe....

how much could've a person gone thru

to finally forgotten how to smile?

:: 3niGma ::