and they're gone.
its abitter news to hear. on chinese new year.
when i receive the call.
that she had cancer, and he killed himself.
i've known them for pretty long time, in fact they were like this inspirational couple that everyone thought would last till the end.
just that no one knew how near the end actually is.
they were friends, they got together, they got married after graduation.
he smokes, alot. she got diagnosed with nose cancer. towards the end of 3rd stage, he couldn't take it and he killed himself.
my heart shrunk and hurt when i received the sobbing call.
its still hurting alot.
i hate smokers now.
period.
Friday, January 30
Wednesday, January 28
今年的我。
今年的我。
不想再走回去年走的路。
今年的我。
不想再为同样的事流泪。
今年的我。
不要再那么执著。
往年每次自己最辛苦的时候，
就是要逼自己去长大。
最辛苦的时候，
就是跟自己的心决斗。
很多时候，表面上看来我好像没事。
自己心里却因为一些很硕碎的事而挣扎。
每次都搞到自己很累，很辛苦。
自己只能躲在房里流泪发泄。
今年的我，
将学习放开。
今年的我，
要学习接受。
今年的我，
要去掉“执著”这个伴侣。
我，
要学习坦然接受姐姐的不在。
我，
直到他们长大结婚是很自然的事，是应该的。
他们嫁了，有自己的家了，是应该的。
我还在吵什么啊？！！！
我到时候接受这个事实了。
我要学习放弃这个想继续作小妹的心理了。
这其实是我可以了解我爸妈，陪伴他们的机会。
我到时候长大了。
不要再为不能改变的事实而伤心。
知道不能改了，就要放开。
退后了就会看到整个画面的美。
爸妈年纪大了。
我到时候学习好好作个“女儿”了。
21岁了。
不能再活在我自己的世界了。
不想再走回去年走的路。
今年的我。
不想再为同样的事流泪。
今年的我。
不要再那么执著。
往年每次自己最辛苦的时候，
就是要逼自己去长大。
最辛苦的时候，
就是跟自己的心决斗。
很多时候，表面上看来我好像没事。
自己心里却因为一些很硕碎的事而挣扎。
每次都搞到自己很累，很辛苦。
自己只能躲在房里流泪发泄。
今年的我，
将学习放开。
今年的我，
要学习接受。
今年的我，
要去掉“执著”这个伴侣。
我，
要学习坦然接受姐姐的不在。
我，
直到他们长大结婚是很自然的事，是应该的。
他们嫁了，有自己的家了，是应该的。
我还在吵什么啊？！！！
我到时候接受这个事实了。
我要学习放弃这个想继续作小妹的心理了。
这其实是我可以了解我爸妈，陪伴他们的机会。
我到时候长大了。
不要再为不能改变的事实而伤心。
知道不能改了，就要放开。
退后了就会看到整个画面的美。
爸妈年纪大了。
我到时候学习好好作个“女儿”了。
21岁了。
不能再活在我自己的世界了。
quiet celebration
chinese new year spirits have been on a new down low this year.
particularly in my hse.
its been a hard year for my family in a sense that we have to cope with a lot of changes.
my sisters being married and away is one of the main changes we still find hard to cope with.
it just feels so empty now.
for the 1st time, after years and years of having reunion dinners with 3tables and kids sitting outside; laughing and jeering; teasing and enjoying; this year, it was a dinner of 7 adults.
thats it.
mom cooked as usual. and by dinner time when we sit down.
it was like "thats all a?"
coz when we sat down on the table.
that was all that arrived.
afew (very few shots) of the quiet christmas:
bathed my two dogs through and through.
i dun think they've been scrub down so hard for a while liao.
even tied red ribbon and bells to their collar.
just to get the cny mood goin.
pai tee kong!
we came. we ate dinner. and .....
we waited for 12am.
just to pray.
a few kuihs. pomelo. biscuits. food.
yunno the drill.
emo la.
i miss chinese new year the way it was.
with laughters and smile.
with card games and older kids trying to cheat kiddo's money.
:)
i miss having cny meals where we'll yell and shout.
when we would bet on the chicken drumstick.
when we would fight for the chicken wing.
i miss playing sparklers and pop pops.
tiny tiny firecrackers.
and flying bees. mini shooters.
when we would drink outside the garden.
watch the fireworks outside.
i miss watching my brother bullying my sis.
i miss my sis yelling at us.
i miss it all.
i'm sure my parents felt it too.
cny has been quieter and quieter.
dad's rather sad this year.
he sighed that day "haih. everybody oso chao liao"
sumhow i sense that they are pretty lonely.
its been a change we all have to get use to.
day 1 CNY
:) going to ara damansara to see yehyeh.
particularly in my hse.
its been a hard year for my family in a sense that we have to cope with a lot of changes.
my sisters being married and away is one of the main changes we still find hard to cope with.
it just feels so empty now.
for the 1st time, after years and years of having reunion dinners with 3tables and kids sitting outside; laughing and jeering; teasing and enjoying; this year, it was a dinner of 7 adults.
thats it.
mom cooked as usual. and by dinner time when we sit down.
it was like "thats all a?"
coz when we sat down on the table.
that was all that arrived.
afew (very few shots) of the quiet christmas:
cny eve
bathed my two dogs through and through.i dun think they've been scrub down so hard for a while liao.
even tied red ribbon and bells to their collar.
just to get the cny mood goin.
pai tee kong!we came. we ate dinner. and .....
we waited for 12am.
just to pray.
a few kuihs. pomelo. biscuits. food.
yunno the drill.
emo la.
i miss chinese new year the way it was.
with laughters and smile.
with card games and older kids trying to cheat kiddo's money.
:)
i miss having cny meals where we'll yell and shout.
when we would bet on the chicken drumstick.
when we would fight for the chicken wing.
i miss playing sparklers and pop pops.
tiny tiny firecrackers.
and flying bees. mini shooters.
when we would drink outside the garden.
watch the fireworks outside.
i miss watching my brother bullying my sis.
i miss my sis yelling at us.
i miss it all.
i'm sure my parents felt it too.
cny has been quieter and quieter.
dad's rather sad this year.
he sighed that day "haih. everybody oso chao liao"
sumhow i sense that they are pretty lonely.
its been a change we all have to get use to.
day 1 CNY
:) going to ara damansara to see yehyeh.its oso a small tea ceremony only.
coz its only the 10 of us left.
after that we adjourned to my 2nd sis hse in setia alam.
to wait for the "dong dong qiang".
tapi tak datang datang.
in the end. i din get to see it.
coz i had to go over to tzer's hse for their gathering.
being at tzer's hse is sooooo different.
he has 9 aunties for crying out loud.
i always think he's very blessed.
to has so many loving family members.
aunties who hug and kiss.
O.O"
i tak biasa la.
but to watch them interact is so heart warming.
tzer's hse. seeeee. the padang all oso full full.
weather on cny was pretty good.
i kinda like it.
this tree has been here for EVER.
i like the tree coz its shady and low.
has a very nice structure too, expecially in evening scenery shots.
its rather unexpected. but i dun to new year resolutions on 1st jan.
i dunno y.
mayb i'm jus very chinese la. (actually oso no)
i've never done any resolutions before.
this year.
on chinese new year.
i decided to do a resolution.
for the whole year, since my sisters got married.
i find it hard to cope.
simply because i couldn't get use to living without my elder sisters.
i force myself to grow up, keep telling myself that i SHOULD cope.
but deep down i couldnt.
its been hard, with so many things running along.
coz deep down, i refuse to let go.
i refuse to give up, being the younger sis.
to give up the protection and security my sisters have been giving me.
this year, i am going to grow up.
i am going to learn to let go.
i am going to learn to accept and move on.
i may fail miserably.
but i'm gonna try. until it works.
coz nt letting go is making me miserable.
coz its only the 10 of us left.
after that we adjourned to my 2nd sis hse in setia alam.
to wait for the "dong dong qiang".
tapi tak datang datang.
in the end. i din get to see it.
coz i had to go over to tzer's hse for their gathering.
being at tzer's hse is sooooo different.
he has 9 aunties for crying out loud.
i always think he's very blessed.
to has so many loving family members.
aunties who hug and kiss.
O.O"
i tak biasa la.
but to watch them interact is so heart warming.
tzer's hse. seeeee. the padang all oso full full.
weather on cny was pretty good.i kinda like it.
this tree has been here for EVER.i like the tree coz its shady and low.
has a very nice structure too, expecially in evening scenery shots.
its rather unexpected. but i dun to new year resolutions on 1st jan.
i dunno y.
mayb i'm jus very chinese la. (actually oso no)
i've never done any resolutions before.
this year.
on chinese new year.
i decided to do a resolution.
for the whole year, since my sisters got married.
i find it hard to cope.
simply because i couldn't get use to living without my elder sisters.
i force myself to grow up, keep telling myself that i SHOULD cope.
but deep down i couldnt.
its been hard, with so many things running along.
coz deep down, i refuse to let go.
i refuse to give up, being the younger sis.
to give up the protection and security my sisters have been giving me.
this year, i am going to grow up.
i am going to learn to let go.
i am going to learn to accept and move on.
i may fail miserably.
but i'm gonna try. until it works.
coz nt letting go is making me miserable.
Tuesday, January 27
tahun baru ciiiiiina beb!
tahun baru ciiiina tahun ini byk senyap.
pasar malam takde lagi "antiii antiii" yg garang dan menakutkan rebut rebut beli deco deco merah emas.
takde jugak "angkel angkel" gemuk melaung "3 for RM 10!!!!!".
takde.
malam makan sama sama boring jugak.
hanya tinggal kite org sedikit saje sebab kakak sudah kahwin.
yg tua... tua tua. yg muda... terlalu muda.
aku tak boleh masuk la.
hanya ade geng "minum minum & gossip".
dan geng "disney & rock".
aller.... akhirnye aku masuk geng gossip la... wahahha.
tapi takde macam dulu syok sgt sudah.
tengah malam hairan pulak.
takde "BING BIANG BONG EEEEEEEEUUUUUUU PONG!"
takde.
neighbour saye yg dulu supply mercun pun dah pindah.
sedih siut.
sunyi la mamat ni tahun ni....
:(
pasar malam takde lagi "antiii antiii" yg garang dan menakutkan rebut rebut beli deco deco merah emas.
takde jugak "angkel angkel" gemuk melaung "3 for RM 10!!!!!".
takde.
malam makan sama sama boring jugak.
hanya tinggal kite org sedikit saje sebab kakak sudah kahwin.
yg tua... tua tua. yg muda... terlalu muda.
aku tak boleh masuk la.
hanya ade geng "minum minum & gossip".
dan geng "disney & rock".
aller.... akhirnye aku masuk geng gossip la... wahahha.
tapi takde macam dulu syok sgt sudah.
tengah malam hairan pulak.
takde "BING BIANG BONG EEEEEEEEUUUUUUU PONG!"
takde.
neighbour saye yg dulu supply mercun pun dah pindah.
sedih siut.
sunyi la mamat ni tahun ni....
:(
Saturday, January 24
sexy, macho, sweaty *damn* men.
caryn wouldn't be caryn if she wasn't boy-crazy.
not that she is not loyal okay...
caryn is simply attracted to good looking men!
:)
its her form of entertainment... (and fantasy too)
:)
but she's not into ANY good looking guys.
caryn tak suke pretty bois!
no no nooooo.... allerr... i dun like lo...
those bois that are skinny, fair and perfect skin.
i mean... what the heck happen to the men who were born to defend the wife n kids from dinosaurs last time?!
semua sudah mati ke~~~
seriously, if i were to meet a guy. the moment he says he cant stand the sun, or he says "aiiyeee~dirty!"... i'm so gonna kick him in the B*LLS!
i recently have this hook addiction on david cook.
he is not good looking la...
tapi he has the "package"...
mmMMMmmm...
EH! NT THE PACKAGE IN BETWEEN THE LEGS LERR...
(so sick la u all)
i mean, the not-bad-looking face + the voice (ooohh~ the husky voice) + the nice persona (on tv) + the scruff (melts~)...
okok... i admit la...
caryn like man wit facial hair!
WOOTS!
i noe... damn disturbing.
nvm..
my fantasy, my rule.
C'MON LA! WHATS A MAN WITHOUT HAIR?!
LOLZ...
nvm me...
caryn is too stressed up due to work and family.
now she has gone cuckoo.
and needs to dwells on macho men to ease her pain~~~
aaaaaahhhhhh~~~
among other men who she has a huge crush on:
david cook
*sighs
jamie oliver!
eyyyy~ i'm a fan.
who isn't?!
he's good looking AND HE CAN EFFING COOK!
i'm happy.
not that she is not loyal okay...
caryn is simply attracted to good looking men!
:)
its her form of entertainment... (and fantasy too)
:)
but she's not into ANY good looking guys.
caryn tak suke pretty bois!
no no nooooo.... allerr... i dun like lo...
those bois that are skinny, fair and perfect skin.
i mean... what the heck happen to the men who were born to defend the wife n kids from dinosaurs last time?!
semua sudah mati ke~~~
seriously, if i were to meet a guy. the moment he says he cant stand the sun, or he says "aiiyeee~dirty!"... i'm so gonna kick him in the B*LLS!
i recently have this hook addiction on david cook.
he is not good looking la...
tapi he has the "package"...
mmMMMmmm...
EH! NT THE PACKAGE IN BETWEEN THE LEGS LERR...
(so sick la u all)
i mean, the not-bad-looking face + the voice (ooohh~ the husky voice) + the nice persona (on tv) + the scruff (melts~)...
okok... i admit la...
caryn like man wit facial hair!
WOOTS!
i noe... damn disturbing.
nvm..
my fantasy, my rule.
C'MON LA! WHATS A MAN WITHOUT HAIR?!
LOLZ...
nvm me...
caryn is too stressed up due to work and family.
now she has gone cuckoo.
and needs to dwells on macho men to ease her pain~~~
aaaaaahhhhhh~~~
among other men who she has a huge crush on:
hugh jackman
:)
:)
david cook
*sighs
jamie oliver!eyyyy~ i'm a fan.
who isn't?!
he's good looking AND HE CAN EFFING COOK!
i'm happy.
Friday, January 23
有时候。。。
有时我需要你提醒我，
我需要听你亲口说。
撒娇，斗嘴，耍脾气。。。
我只想听你再次告诉我“我们”是什么一回事。
也许有时我也忘记了，
你也像我一样，一直想念着你。
有时我就一直坐着等着，
等着你拿熟悉的一句“喂！”
我想也许有时我会点点自私，
想就现在霸占全部的你。
能霸多少就多少！越久越好！
时钟响了，12点了。你要走了。我的心就也跟着空空了。
有时嘛~我也会把你陪我的时间
当作是应该的。
就当你的车一家走时，
我就像的白痴般的，又想念你了。
也许是因为，我有时会怀疑。
这一切一切，到底是梦还是真的。
直到你把我抱在你的怀抱里。
我才知道你也是爱我的。
asses.
asses.
buntut.
yup.
buttocks.
some are sexy.
believe me.
of all ppl. if u noe me personally.
you'll noe that i have this thing of look at ppl's butts.
:)
i can even categorize them!
the bouncy ones, the perky ones, the oh-so firm ones. and of course the takde buntut wan la!
wahahha.
yala...damn disgusting rite me?
hey. call me disgusting of watever u wan.
i'm a fan of nice asses.
but theres this one thing that turns me off EVERYTIME!!!
asscracks
i noe the photo sucks but its the best i can get.
HELLO PEOPLE!!!
ASSES ARE NICE. but keep them inside ur pants la!!!!
i walk around everywhere its like 40% of the people around me are having sum sort of ass parade.
i cant stand it la.
wanna like jus puke! O.O
c'mon la.
cleavages are good. show me.
but pls pull up ur pants.
its so gross.
I DO NOT WANNA BE STARING AT HALF OF UR BLOODY BARE BUNTUT WHEN U STAND UP IN FRONT OF ME LA.
have sum decency.
dem low rise/low cut jeans are hot.
but those buttocks hanging outside the jeans.
so not hot okay~
=.="
buntut.
yup.
buttocks.
some are sexy.
believe me.
of all ppl. if u noe me personally.
you'll noe that i have this thing of look at ppl's butts.
:)
i can even categorize them!
the bouncy ones, the perky ones, the oh-so firm ones. and of course the takde buntut wan la!
wahahha.
yala...damn disgusting rite me?
hey. call me disgusting of watever u wan.
i'm a fan of nice asses.
but theres this one thing that turns me off EVERYTIME!!!
i noe the photo sucks but its the best i can get.HELLO PEOPLE!!!
ASSES ARE NICE. but keep them inside ur pants la!!!!
i walk around everywhere its like 40% of the people around me are having sum sort of ass parade.
i cant stand it la.
wanna like jus puke! O.O
c'mon la.
cleavages are good. show me.
but pls pull up ur pants.
its so gross.
I DO NOT WANNA BE STARING AT HALF OF UR BLOODY BARE BUNTUT WHEN U STAND UP IN FRONT OF ME LA.
have sum decency.
dem low rise/low cut jeans are hot.
but those buttocks hanging outside the jeans.
so not hot okay~
=.="
Sunday, January 18
heavy weekend.
as the whole world should noe by now.
i have a WHOLE LOT OF coca cola now.
no dears.
i've not gone psycho n start mass collecting coke.
these coke bottles are for my finals assignment.
ohmygosh. glass coke bottles are sooooo hard to find!!!
and the cost so effing much!!!
we (me n my cheap labour/boyf/tzer) went from giant bukit tinggi to giant klang to giant USJ to carrefour subang to mydin USJ to mydin klang.
we went EVERYWHERE to find n korek these bottles.
we found some in the end. but all in loose numbers.
6 from giant klang. 6 from mydin usj.
u noe wan i mean. =.="
we bought dem all.
i have now 127 bottles of coke!!!
my boyf's rooms is now literaly filled with coke and my kocek/pocket is officially KOSONG!
O.O
Thursday 15/01/09
rushed n fly everwhere to find a venue for shooting.
OMG i almost wanted to cry. tak boleh dapat.
everywhere isnt available.
the available ones, the boss macam dowanna pinjam.
i feel like i'm asking too much la.
and being me. with my weird character.
i dunno how to ask ppl wan. so always kena reject. :(
manage to squeez in 2 meetings for sponsors while i was driving everywhere.
unfortunatly they din work out.
allahhh... caryn is so sick n tired of ppl saying NOOOO WE'RE NT INTERESTED.
ish.
its like i cakap so the byk until my saliva wanna dry liao.
den they jus look. nod. n smile.
UURRGGHH!! i wanted to kick dem in the balls man!!!
rushed to buy the last batch of coke.
finally found dem at meru klang! OMG. so near.
i wanted to kick myself when i saw the shop.
met vivian!
i havent seen her in ages!!
she this small little jie jie i hav.
she is older den me but she is UBER SUPER shy n small sized.
she mayb quiet n shy. but she super nice n caring.
she's always very thoughtful and she super sayang us.
everytime i see her i'll always hug her.
i seem to hav these thing where i miss these close old frens soooo much.
everytime i see dem i wanna jus break n cry.
theres so much to say but so little time!
make me emo only.
since i started being busy with all this CRAP!
i havent seen any of my frens pretty much... (sobs)
i can only sneak a minum yumcha session with munpui n siewkuan last week.
and... and...
no more.
thats it.
*whines*
Friday 16/01/09
more location scouting.
ran and flew everywhere. more uncles saying no to caryn.
zzzz... y is everyone do the kejam to me now!!!
WHY!!!!
wish i was prettier or sessierrr man...
den mayb uncle will say "mmm... can... can.. sure... can.. can..."
LOL.
this is one of those time where i thank allah for the not-so-bad-looking/kacak boyf.
wahhaha. the manage to con this auntie to pinjam us her kopitiam.
WAHAHAHHAHA. ^^
evil laugh.
no la....
he manage to ask the shop who is right next to our high school la.
he use to go there pretty often and the auntie stil recognise his face.
wahahha. YAY!!! venue settle!
more sponsorship meetings.
this time more easy going ppl but still no confirmation.
haih.
oh well.
mom says this whole rumour and trend that the economy is going down.
OMG so hard to get sponsors.
Saturday 17/01/09
shooting day!
woke up 6.30am. packed n pao-ed all the stuff,
bring cam. bring reflector. bring mirror. bring tissue. bring dress. bring water.
bring COKE! bring necklace. bring this bring that.
waited for boyf/model/KULI/drebar to come fetch me.
wahahah. i noe damn syok i gt KULI to shoulder my burden.
:)
aller... i noe la... my boyf sayang me la. *blush*
we went to makan BAK KUT TEH!! wahahha.
with his heng dais MH n JY.
damn cute. his bunch of frens are not morning ppl la.
bangun makan bak kut teh. all three of them stoning at the table.
we reach location 1(kopitiam) at 9.30 am.
sat there and waited for my long lost pretty hyper full-of-energy fwwwen LYDIA!
while i was setting up n adjusting lighting.
den i realise got this stall is at the place where i wanna shoot! the auntie oso setting up there.
OMG. like sky fall down. alamak.
we politely asked the auntie their shop open until wat time.
den she say around 2. (i can feel the sky gt light and they start singing again. :)
but around 12-3 is our co-curiculum ending period. the place will the awarming with students form ALL FOUR schools there.
we reschedule shooting with lydia to 3pm.
thanks god she's okay with the last minute changes.
i like her la. she anything oso can i can jus book her n shift her to kelantan for shooting oso she'll be OKAY!
ahahah. as long as i bawa her back.
anyways, we went sight search for location2 (park) after we left the kopitiam.
took us around 2-3 hours to settle the locations for the shots.
walking around parks at 12pm is not fun man.
den we went back for lunch. rest for 30 mins. and we're off to meet lydia.
the shooting was awesome la.
lydia was fun n easy going.
even flashed me her undies a few times. LOL.
the boyf worked as the model n lydia's new bf.
pretty cute the both of them.
end results.
we managed to finish 2 major locations 4-6 scenes all before 6pm.
pretty satisfying.
GAWD damn tired as hell.
den rushed back to bath.
and rushed to ara damansara for yehyeh/daddy/ethan/cousin charmaine/cousin chadric/cousin charlene/kakak's bday.
hahah. i noe. alot.
ALL THE JANUARY BABBIES bday.
went there edi a lot of ppl.
den i sat down. pushed in as much food as i can swallow.
den off to do photographer duty for the bday party.
by the time i reach home.
my kepala spinning n i K.O.-ed
Sunday 18/01/09
woke up 9am. suppose to meet bro at damansar at 9 am!!
over slept.
haiyoooooooh.
quickly get up.
fetch mom n dad for breakfast meet up with bro n gf.
they went to 1 utama straight after that for CNY shopping.
i flew straight to my uncle's hse.
pinjam my uncle n his hse for more assignment shooting.
=.="
my head pain.
den after that rush back.
grab lunch and started to do sum cny spring cleaning.
coz i'll be so busy next weekend.
tday we cleaned the algae coated fish tank.
urgh!
wanted to puke.
it took me the whole effing day oso.
haih...
tiredzzz.....
den flew to pass lydia her stuff she left at my car yday.
and den flew to sis hse for dinner.
now....
i'm so tired.
i have a WHOLE LOT OF coca cola now.
no dears.
i've not gone psycho n start mass collecting coke.
these coke bottles are for my finals assignment.
ohmygosh. glass coke bottles are sooooo hard to find!!!
and the cost so effing much!!!
we (me n my cheap labour/boyf/tzer) went from giant bukit tinggi to giant klang to giant USJ to carrefour subang to mydin USJ to mydin klang.
we went EVERYWHERE to find n korek these bottles.
we found some in the end. but all in loose numbers.
6 from giant klang. 6 from mydin usj.
u noe wan i mean. =.="
we bought dem all.
i have now 127 bottles of coke!!!
my boyf's rooms is now literaly filled with coke and my kocek/pocket is officially KOSONG!
O.O
Thursday 15/01/09
rushed n fly everwhere to find a venue for shooting.
OMG i almost wanted to cry. tak boleh dapat.
everywhere isnt available.
the available ones, the boss macam dowanna pinjam.
i feel like i'm asking too much la.
and being me. with my weird character.
i dunno how to ask ppl wan. so always kena reject. :(
manage to squeez in 2 meetings for sponsors while i was driving everywhere.
unfortunatly they din work out.
allahhh... caryn is so sick n tired of ppl saying NOOOO WE'RE NT INTERESTED.
ish.
its like i cakap so the byk until my saliva wanna dry liao.
den they jus look. nod. n smile.
UURRGGHH!! i wanted to kick dem in the balls man!!!
rushed to buy the last batch of coke.
finally found dem at meru klang! OMG. so near.
i wanted to kick myself when i saw the shop.
met vivian!
i havent seen her in ages!!
she this small little jie jie i hav.
she is older den me but she is UBER SUPER shy n small sized.
she mayb quiet n shy. but she super nice n caring.
she's always very thoughtful and she super sayang us.
everytime i see her i'll always hug her.
i seem to hav these thing where i miss these close old frens soooo much.
everytime i see dem i wanna jus break n cry.
theres so much to say but so little time!
make me emo only.
since i started being busy with all this CRAP!
i havent seen any of my frens pretty much... (sobs)
i can only sneak a minum yumcha session with munpui n siewkuan last week.
and... and...
no more.
thats it.
*whines*
Friday 16/01/09
more location scouting.
ran and flew everywhere. more uncles saying no to caryn.
zzzz... y is everyone do the kejam to me now!!!
WHY!!!!
wish i was prettier or sessierrr man...
den mayb uncle will say "mmm... can... can.. sure... can.. can..."
LOL.
this is one of those time where i thank allah for the not-so-bad-looking/kacak boyf.
wahhaha. the manage to con this auntie to pinjam us her kopitiam.
WAHAHAHHAHA. ^^
evil laugh.
no la....
he manage to ask the shop who is right next to our high school la.
he use to go there pretty often and the auntie stil recognise his face.
wahahha. YAY!!! venue settle!
more sponsorship meetings.
this time more easy going ppl but still no confirmation.
haih.
oh well.
mom says this whole rumour and trend that the economy is going down.
OMG so hard to get sponsors.
Saturday 17/01/09
shooting day!
woke up 6.30am. packed n pao-ed all the stuff,
bring cam. bring reflector. bring mirror. bring tissue. bring dress. bring water.
bring COKE! bring necklace. bring this bring that.
waited for boyf/model/KULI/drebar to come fetch me.
wahahah. i noe damn syok i gt KULI to shoulder my burden.
:)
aller... i noe la... my boyf sayang me la. *blush*
we went to makan BAK KUT TEH!! wahahha.
with his heng dais MH n JY.
damn cute. his bunch of frens are not morning ppl la.
bangun makan bak kut teh. all three of them stoning at the table.
we reach location 1(kopitiam) at 9.30 am.
sat there and waited for my long lost pretty hyper full-of-energy fwwwen LYDIA!
while i was setting up n adjusting lighting.
den i realise got this stall is at the place where i wanna shoot! the auntie oso setting up there.
OMG. like sky fall down. alamak.
we politely asked the auntie their shop open until wat time.
den she say around 2. (i can feel the sky gt light and they start singing again. :)
but around 12-3 is our co-curiculum ending period. the place will the awarming with students form ALL FOUR schools there.
we reschedule shooting with lydia to 3pm.
thanks god she's okay with the last minute changes.
i like her la. she anything oso can i can jus book her n shift her to kelantan for shooting oso she'll be OKAY!
ahahah. as long as i bawa her back.
anyways, we went sight search for location2 (park) after we left the kopitiam.
took us around 2-3 hours to settle the locations for the shots.
den we went back for lunch. rest for 30 mins. and we're off to meet lydia.
the shooting was awesome la.
lydia was fun n easy going.
even flashed me her undies a few times. LOL.
the boyf worked as the model n lydia's new bf.
pretty cute the both of them.
end results.
we managed to finish 2 major locations 4-6 scenes all before 6pm.
pretty satisfying.
GAWD damn tired as hell.
den rushed back to bath.
and rushed to ara damansara for yehyeh/daddy/ethan/cousin charmaine/cousin chadric/cousin charlene/kakak's bday.
hahah. i noe. alot.
ALL THE JANUARY BABBIES bday.
went there edi a lot of ppl.
den i sat down. pushed in as much food as i can swallow.
den off to do photographer duty for the bday party.
by the time i reach home.
my kepala spinning n i K.O.-ed
Sunday 18/01/09
woke up 9am. suppose to meet bro at damansar at 9 am!!
over slept.
haiyoooooooh.
quickly get up.
fetch mom n dad for breakfast meet up with bro n gf.
they went to 1 utama straight after that for CNY shopping.
i flew straight to my uncle's hse.
pinjam my uncle n his hse for more assignment shooting.
=.="
my head pain.
den after that rush back.
grab lunch and started to do sum cny spring cleaning.
coz i'll be so busy next weekend.
tday we cleaned the algae coated fish tank.
urgh!
wanted to puke.
it took me the whole effing day oso.
haih...
tiredzzz.....
den flew to pass lydia her stuff she left at my car yday.
and den flew to sis hse for dinner.
now....
i'm so tired.
Friday, January 16
bangkok love story
caryn likes international movies.
caryn likes gutsy controversial movies.
so whats not to like about this thai action-love story between two hot men?
muahahahha.
Rattaballung Tohssawat as Mhek (Cloud)
Chaiwat Thongsaeng as Iht (Brick)
5 nominations & 4 wins, Poj Amon(director & writer) 's was not run of the mill. The delivery of the story had enough twist and turns to keep one interested, even though one had the feeling that the end had been pre-defined, it was not anticipated.
The cover of the DVD for this very fine film is misleading: the photograph of the two leads in a rather quiet and elegant setting is NOTHING close to what this movie portrayed. Writer/Director Poj Amon has created a love story that is more from the the poor section of Bangkok rather than focusing on the 'tourist view' of Thailand, he instead finds a different kind of beauty molded into a love story from a far different perspective. And it works very well.
i wanted to give you all the "oh-i'm-so-touched-and-i'm-gonna-cry" review with every detailed typed out jus to annoy you. wahahhaha. but that was yesterday. tday, caryn is busy with her work. so she's jus gonna get it out of her system. :)
The story is about an assassin Mhek who was ordered by his boss to kidnap this one guy Iht and it turned out that this assassin just kills bad guys not good guy like this guy so the assassin saved this guy's life and hurt himself. This guy helped to healed his shot's wound and in process they fall in love.
The next scenes literally ooze with homo-eroticism as both men, usually bare to the waist, (and in very close proximity), continually check each other out when the other isn't looking, while hiding out until the coast is clear. This part of the film is executed masterfully.The sexual tension brews to a boiling point and then finally explodes when Iht sponges Mhek's back as he bathes. They look at each other, kiss, and then suddenly they are all over each other. The photography in the ensuing seduction scene between these two very masculine men, (which was probably eye-popping in Thailand cinemas), resembles a bleached Calvin Klein commercial; set on the rooftop against the Bangkok skyline, it is steamy and sensual, underscored with lush, romantic piano music. But when it's all over, Mhek freaks, throws Iht out and pours water over himself to cleanse away what just happened. The heartbroken Iht returns to his fiancee but things are no longer the same between them.
So....the assassin chased him out of his place but this guy really couldn't get rid of the thought of missing the assassin. The assassin's family also complicated, his mother was blind and his little brother had aids because his little brother got raped buy his foster father who also had aids. Since then the assassin worked hard to find money to support his family. At the end the guy devoted himself for the assassin but still it is a tragic ending film.
(imagine the one i wanted to give u was like 7 paragraphs long) wahahaahha.
The ending could have been triumphant (and for moments it is, emotionally), but instead Poj Amon opts for tragedy, a writer's decision that makes the film even more powerful.
the starting 1 st hour was great! i was hooked! then it got abitdraggy at the end.
nonetheless! HEY! ITS AN ASIAN GAY MOVIE!
Straight or Gay, it doesn't matter, because the story/movie is EXCELLENT.
i like!!!
caryn likes gutsy controversial movies.
so whats not to like about this thai action-love story between two hot men?
muahahahha.
Rattaballung Tohssawat as Mhek (Cloud)Chaiwat Thongsaeng as Iht (Brick)
5 nominations & 4 wins, Poj Amon(director & writer) 's was not run of the mill. The delivery of the story had enough twist and turns to keep one interested, even though one had the feeling that the end had been pre-defined, it was not anticipated.
The cover of the DVD for this very fine film is misleading: the photograph of the two leads in a rather quiet and elegant setting is NOTHING close to what this movie portrayed. Writer/Director Poj Amon has created a love story that is more from the the poor section of Bangkok rather than focusing on the 'tourist view' of Thailand, he instead finds a different kind of beauty molded into a love story from a far different perspective. And it works very well.
i wanted to give you all the "oh-i'm-so-touched-and-i'm-gonna-cry" review with every detailed typed out jus to annoy you. wahahhaha. but that was yesterday. tday, caryn is busy with her work. so she's jus gonna get it out of her system. :)
The story is about an assassin Mhek who was ordered by his boss to kidnap this one guy Iht and it turned out that this assassin just kills bad guys not good guy like this guy so the assassin saved this guy's life and hurt himself. This guy helped to healed his shot's wound and in process they fall in love.
The next scenes literally ooze with homo-eroticism as both men, usually bare to the waist, (and in very close proximity), continually check each other out when the other isn't looking, while hiding out until the coast is clear. This part of the film is executed masterfully.The sexual tension brews to a boiling point and then finally explodes when Iht sponges Mhek's back as he bathes. They look at each other, kiss, and then suddenly they are all over each other. The photography in the ensuing seduction scene between these two very masculine men, (which was probably eye-popping in Thailand cinemas), resembles a bleached Calvin Klein commercial; set on the rooftop against the Bangkok skyline, it is steamy and sensual, underscored with lush, romantic piano music. But when it's all over, Mhek freaks, throws Iht out and pours water over himself to cleanse away what just happened. The heartbroken Iht returns to his fiancee but things are no longer the same between them.
So....the assassin chased him out of his place but this guy really couldn't get rid of the thought of missing the assassin. The assassin's family also complicated, his mother was blind and his little brother had aids because his little brother got raped buy his foster father who also had aids. Since then the assassin worked hard to find money to support his family. At the end the guy devoted himself for the assassin but still it is a tragic ending film.
(imagine the one i wanted to give u was like 7 paragraphs long) wahahaahha.
The ending could have been triumphant (and for moments it is, emotionally), but instead Poj Amon opts for tragedy, a writer's decision that makes the film even more powerful.
the starting 1 st hour was great! i was hooked! then it got abitdraggy at the end.
nonetheless! HEY! ITS AN ASIAN GAY MOVIE!
Straight or Gay, it doesn't matter, because the story/movie is EXCELLENT.
i like!!!
coke hunting
my final assignment need me to go glass bottle coke hunting.
u cannot imagine how many places i went hunting for them.
after i'm done with this. whoever wans a glass bottled coke.
can coke see me.
i sell to u。
RM 4. wan???
wahhahahaha
u cannot imagine how many places i went hunting for them.
after i'm done with this. whoever wans a glass bottled coke.can coke see me.
i sell to u。
RM 4. wan???
wahhahahaha
Tuesday, January 13
alot.
i try.
i really did.
but this is alot to handle.
almost too much to handle.
theres too many things going on rite now.
and its taking a tow on me.
i'm tired.
i cant focus.
theres just too much.
emotionally, physically.
i aint superwoman.
and its about time i admit and accept the fact and i'm ordinary.
from my own finals work. to family matters. to college showcase issues. even personal matters.
i'm tired out.
point blank.
dead end.
i feel like a lagging computer.
nt an XP lagging. more like windows 98.
or when i try to run too much programs on my old computer last time.
help.
caryn needs a break.
very badly.
i'll just have to stick to this. finish this. get organized.
and hope it'll turn out the best i could.
i'm seriously tired.
i really did.
but this is alot to handle.
almost too much to handle.
theres too many things going on rite now.
and its taking a tow on me.
i'm tired.
i cant focus.
theres just too much.
emotionally, physically.
i aint superwoman.
and its about time i admit and accept the fact and i'm ordinary.
from my own finals work. to family matters. to college showcase issues. even personal matters.
i'm tired out.
point blank.
dead end.
i feel like a lagging computer.
nt an XP lagging. more like windows 98.
or when i try to run too much programs on my old computer last time.
help.
caryn needs a break.
very badly.
i'll just have to stick to this. finish this. get organized.
and hope it'll turn out the best i could.
i'm seriously tired.
innocent
Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone in the basement
With Lennon and Cobain and
A guitar and a stereo
And while he wishes he could escape this
But it all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soul
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
Tina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music
Hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
Every calorie is a war
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she'd never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
One day, you'll have to let it go
You'll have to let it go
No...
One day, you'll stand up on your own
You'll stand up on your own
Ya...
Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are all innocent (you'll have to let it go)
We are, we are (you'll have to let it go, no..)
We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are, we are (you'll stand up on your own)
We are, we are all innocent (you'll stand up on your own..)
Spends his time alone in the basement
With Lennon and Cobain and
A guitar and a stereo
And while he wishes he could escape this
But it all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soul
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
Tina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music
Hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
Every calorie is a war
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she'd never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
One day, you'll have to let it go
You'll have to let it go
No...
One day, you'll stand up on your own
You'll stand up on your own
Ya...
Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...
We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are all innocent (you'll have to let it go)
We are, we are (you'll have to let it go, no..)
We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are, we are (you'll stand up on your own)
We are, we are all innocent (you'll stand up on your own..)
Saturday, January 10
hyper psycho loving this!
caryn is in love with "innocent" by Our Lady Peace!!!!!!
however she is more in love with the david cook's version.
oh melts....
macho...
*swoons & melts*
i love this genre of music!
which i hav no idea wat genre it is.
the "nickleback-david cook-3 doors down-30 second to mars-etc" genre la!!!
with husky rough voice which is bonus plus plus points!
ohmygod i noe i'm soooo nt artsy fartsy.
alternative rock i'll assume.
fark the name. watever it is.
caryn loves it!
however she is more in love with the david cook's version.
oh melts....
macho...
*swoons & melts*
i love this genre of music!
which i hav no idea wat genre it is.
the "nickleback-david cook-3 doors down-30 second to mars-etc" genre la!!!
with husky rough voice which is bonus plus plus points!
ohmygod i noe i'm soooo nt artsy fartsy.
alternative rock i'll assume.
fark the name. watever it is.
caryn loves it!
pondering
theres so much goin o right now.
so many promises.
so many responsibilities.
its frustrating.
focusing on wats more important now is so much harder.
simply because theres so many things that i want to do now.
and i hav no idea why.
from the gunung korbu hike up to seeing my frens more.
theres just so much temptations.
and so much disappointments too.
i find it stil so interesting that we hav so much expectations.
with each expectations we instill inside so much hopes and desire.
the desire to do smthg new.
the need to get out of a routine.
the hope that situations may change.
the hunger for smthg that might be exciting.
the craving for all those things that we "expected".
and with everything theres comes all these anxiety and pressure.
to ppl and everyone around us. even ourselves.
i find it annoying sumtimes.
because i tend to subject myself to more pressure than everyone else.
den again, i'm strangely attracted to it.
i love challenges.
i actually like risks.
its disturbing.
but for a brief moment.
i wanted to go further.
(of course, that was when my rational went dead and died).
few hours later i'm back to safe-dull-boring-well planned caryn.
there were moments where the sudden burst of desiring excitement took over.
like the time i went parasailing.
i hav no idea wat i wan sumtimes.
perhaps its the temptation of the path nt taken.
so many promises.
so many responsibilities.
its frustrating.
focusing on wats more important now is so much harder.
simply because theres so many things that i want to do now.
and i hav no idea why.
from the gunung korbu hike up to seeing my frens more.
theres just so much temptations.
and so much disappointments too.
i find it stil so interesting that we hav so much expectations.
with each expectations we instill inside so much hopes and desire.
the desire to do smthg new.
the need to get out of a routine.
the hope that situations may change.
the hunger for smthg that might be exciting.
the craving for all those things that we "expected".
and with everything theres comes all these anxiety and pressure.
to ppl and everyone around us. even ourselves.
i find it annoying sumtimes.
because i tend to subject myself to more pressure than everyone else.
den again, i'm strangely attracted to it.
i love challenges.
i actually like risks.
its disturbing.
but for a brief moment.
i wanted to go further.
(of course, that was when my rational went dead and died).
few hours later i'm back to safe-dull-boring-well planned caryn.
there were moments where the sudden burst of desiring excitement took over.
like the time i went parasailing.
i hav no idea wat i wan sumtimes.
perhaps its the temptation of the path nt taken.
Friday, January 9
someone loves my boobies!
muahahhaa.
a close gal fren of mine told me one thing tday.
and it made the "most hilarious quotes" immediately man!
bunch of frens talking....
1:".......... caryn's one nicer! soooooooo firm."
2:"hoho. ya la. caryn's one killer."
caryn: (confused) "really? i wish they were smaller la... mafan."
1&2: O.O"
1: "why leh? they look pretty nice to hold.wahahhahahah"
caryn:"serious? alot of my pants cant fit ler"
1&2: =.="
1: CARYN WE TOKING BOUT UR TETEK LA!
..........
......
....
as disturbing as it seems.
i seriously tot they were talking bout me arse!
and i forgotten what was "boobies" called in BM.
hoho.
and never jump into a convo without knowing what the crap they were talking bout.
shheeeeeeesh~
lost it mans.
i miss my frens.
a close gal fren of mine told me one thing tday.
and it made the "most hilarious quotes" immediately man!
bunch of frens talking....
1:".......... caryn's one nicer! soooooooo firm."
2:"hoho. ya la. caryn's one killer."
caryn: (confused) "really? i wish they were smaller la... mafan."
1&2: O.O"
1: "why leh? they look pretty nice to hold.wahahhahahah"
caryn:"serious? alot of my pants cant fit ler"
1&2: =.="
1: CARYN WE TOKING BOUT UR TETEK LA!
..........
......
....
as disturbing as it seems.
i seriously tot they were talking bout me arse!
and i forgotten what was "boobies" called in BM.
hoho.
and never jump into a convo without knowing what the crap they were talking bout.
shheeeeeeesh~
lost it mans.
i miss my frens.
Tuesday, January 6
最近听到了这首歌。
当场就站在那儿流泪。
这首歌，让我想起了很多人。
私的，暂时不说。
但明的占据了很大部分的感触。
有一部分是感叹，珍惜曾进走过的一段路。
很多。。。没有了他们就不会有我这样的人。
很多在我生命中影响了我很多的人。
假如不是他们。
我也不会成长。
假如不是他们，
我不会学习。
很幸会，我们分手后不是陌生人。
还是好朋友。
（梁静茹 古巨基）
没有人要内疚
当场就站在那儿流泪。
这首歌，让我想起了很多人。
但明的占据了很大部分的感触。
有一部分是感叹，珍惜曾进走过的一段路。
很多。。。没有了他们就不会有我这样的人。
很多在我生命中影响了我很多的人。
假如不是他们。
我也不会成长。
假如不是他们，
我不会学习。
很幸会，我们分手后不是陌生人。
还是好朋友。
（梁静茹 古巨基）
没有人要内疚
没需要原宥
在十字街头
就相互保佑
那些体贴问候
那美丽镜头
没必要 一分开
就变成了诅咒
相爱这一场
可能是为了
能拥有一个 好朋友
还是好朋友
比爱人长久
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后 (昇华以后)
思念是最漫长的享受
那无痛的伤口
还带着温柔 到白头
亲吻失去感受
火花烧到尽头
没激情 有感情
有另一种邂逅
相爱这一场
可能是为了
能拥有一个 好朋友
还是好朋友
比爱人长久
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后 (昇华以后)
思念是最漫长的享受
那无痛的伤口
还带着温柔 到白头
还是好朋友 (还是好朋友)
比爱人长久 (比爱人长久)
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后（昇华以后）
思念是最漫长的享受
是什么叫你我
只配做一对 好朋友
-caryn-
就相互保佑
那些体贴问候
那美丽镜头
没必要 一分开
就变成了诅咒
相爱这一场
可能是为了
能拥有一个 好朋友
还是好朋友
比爱人长久
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后 (昇华以后)
思念是最漫长的享受
那无痛的伤口
还带着温柔 到白头
亲吻失去感受
火花烧到尽头
没激情 有感情
有另一种邂逅
相爱这一场
可能是为了
能拥有一个 好朋友
还是好朋友
比爱人长久
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后 (昇华以后)
思念是最漫长的享受
那无痛的伤口
还带着温柔 到白头
还是好朋友 (还是好朋友)
比爱人长久 (比爱人长久)
不能牵的手 按在心头
在最寂寞的关头
永远在左右
事过情迁后
昇华眼泪后（昇华以后）
思念是最漫长的享受
是什么叫你我
只配做一对 好朋友
-caryn-
you
its so hard sumtimes.
i do not know how to talk to u anymore.
not anymore.
mayb this is not meant to be.
wish it was as easy said than done.
i hate this.
i do not know how to talk to u anymore.
not anymore.
mayb this is not meant to be.
wish it was as easy said than done.
i hate this.
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