quiet celebration

chinese new year spirits have been on a new down low this year.
particularly in my hse.

its been a hard year for my family in a sense that we have to cope with a lot of changes.
my sisters being married and away is one of the main changes we still find hard to cope with.

it just feels so empty now.
for the 1st time, after years and years of having reunion dinners with 3tables and kids sitting outside; laughing and jeering; teasing and enjoying; this year, it was a dinner of 7 adults.
thats it.

mom cooked as usual. and by dinner time when we sit down.
it was like "thats all a?"
coz when we sat down on the table.
that was all that arrived.

afew (very few shots) of the quiet christmas:

cny eve

bathed my two dogs through and through.
i dun think they've been scrub down so hard for a while liao.
even tied red ribbon and bells to their collar.
just to get the cny mood goin.

pai tee kong!
we came. we ate dinner. and .....
we waited for 12am.
just to pray.

a few kuihs. pomelo. biscuits. food.
yunno the drill.

emo la.
i miss chinese new year the way it was.
with laughters and smile.
with card games and older kids trying to cheat kiddo's money.
:)

i miss having cny meals where we'll yell and shout.
when we would bet on the chicken drumstick.
when we would fight for the chicken wing.

i miss playing sparklers and pop pops.
tiny tiny firecrackers.
and flying bees. mini shooters.

when we would drink outside the garden.
watch the fireworks outside.
i miss watching my brother bullying my sis.
i miss my sis yelling at us.

i miss it all.
i'm sure my parents felt it too.
cny has been quieter and quieter.
dad's rather sad this year.
he sighed that day "haih. everybody oso chao liao"

sumhow i sense that they are pretty lonely.
its been a change we all have to get use to.

day 1 CNY

:) going to ara damansara to see yehyeh.

its oso a small tea ceremony only.
coz its only the 10 of us left.

after that we adjourned to my 2nd sis hse in setia alam.
to wait for the "dong dong qiang".
tapi tak datang datang.

in the end. i din get to see it.
coz i had to go over to tzer's hse for their gathering.


being at tzer's hse is sooooo different.
he has 9 aunties for crying out loud.
i always think he's very blessed.
to has so many loving family members.
aunties who hug and kiss.
O.O"
i tak biasa la.
but to watch them interact is so heart warming.

tzer's hse. seeeee. the padang all oso full full.
weather on cny was pretty good.
i kinda like it.
this tree has been here for EVER.
i like the tree coz its shady and low.
has a very nice structure too, expecially in evening scenery shots.

its rather unexpected. but i dun to new year resolutions on 1st jan.
i dunno y.
mayb i'm jus very chinese la. (actually oso no)
i've never done any resolutions before.

this year.
on chinese new year.
i decided to do a resolution.

for the whole year, since my sisters got married.
i find it hard to cope.
simply because i couldn't get use to living without my elder sisters.
i force myself to grow up, keep telling myself that i SHOULD cope.
but deep down i couldnt.
its been hard, with so many things running along.
coz deep down, i refuse to let go.
i refuse to give up, being the younger sis.
to give up the protection and security my sisters have been giving me.
this year, i am going to grow up.
i am going to learn to let go.
i am going to learn to accept and move on.

i may fail miserably.
but i'm gonna try. until it works.
coz nt letting go is making me miserable.