pondering

theres so much goin o right now.
so many promises.
so many responsibilities.

its frustrating.

focusing on wats more important now is so much harder.
simply because theres so many things that i want to do now.
and i hav no idea why.

from the gunung korbu hike up to seeing my frens more.
theres just so much temptations.

and so much disappointments too.

i find it stil so interesting that we hav so much expectations.
with each expectations we instill inside so much hopes and desire.
the desire to do smthg new.
the need to get out of a routine.
the hope that situations may change.
the hunger for smthg that might be exciting.
the craving for all those things that we "expected".

and with everything theres comes all these anxiety and pressure.
to ppl and everyone around us. even ourselves.

i find it annoying sumtimes.
because i tend to subject myself to more pressure than everyone else.
den again, i'm strangely attracted to it.
i love challenges.
i actually like risks.
its disturbing.
but for a brief moment.
i wanted to go further.
(of course, that was when my rational went dead and died).
few hours later i'm back to safe-dull-boring-well planned caryn.

there were moments where the sudden burst of desiring excitement took over.
like the time i went parasailing.

i hav no idea wat i wan sumtimes.
perhaps its the temptation of the path nt taken.