Thursday, October 19

sejauh mana cintu kau?


i had a very hard time reading this...
its because its in broken sms malay...
but...heck its real nice...n i like it...

:: courtesy of Farouk's blog ::

Valentine hari tu ayang tanya tang mane kite
sayang kat ayang. Time tu kite tak dapat nak
jawab. Semalam ayang merajuk ngan kite, kite
dah penat nak layan. Ayang call kat kite kite
malas nak jawab. Tang mane erk kite sayang kat
ayang?
Semalaman kite duk pikir soalan tu. Pernah ke?
Maybe tak sedalam cinta Titanic atau Taj Mahal.
Sayang kite kat ayang sangatla kerdil. Sebab tu la
ayang selalu merajuk erk? Tak tahula, setahu kite:

1. Sebelum kite kenal kat ayang, setiap semester
kite dapat Anugerah Dekan. Bile dah kenal ngan
ayang, setiap semester kite ulang paper. Sebelum
kenal ngan ayang kite belajar pakai duit biasiswa,
lepas kenal ngan ayang, keluar makan lagi nak
mintak duit ngan emak kite.

2. Kalau ade 1 buah epal, kite bagi je kat ayang.
Kalau ade 2 buah epal,kita bagi yang besar kat
ayang. Kalau kite makan ikan, ayang makan tang
badan ikan tu, kite pula makan tang kepala ikan tu
je.

3. Ayang ni tak la cun sangat, tapi kite tak pernah
kutuk ayang tak cun.Tapi kite yang hensem ni
ayang lagi nak kutuk ngan member depan kite,
kata kite tak hensem langsung. Eera Fazira
berlalu depan mata, kite diam je. Takut kalau puji
kang ayang marah. Mat Indon duk depan Sogo
ayang gi ngorat time kite gi tandas. Siap mintak
nombor tepon depan kite lagi. Kalau keluar ngan
ayang, ayang slambe nak makan Starbucks, kite
tipu kite dah kenyang, padahal bile dah sampai kat
umah kite makan mee maggi.

4. Sebelum kenal ngan ayang., kite tak pernah
ade girlfriend. Selepas ayang kenal ngan kite,
genaplah koleksi ayang ada 20 boyfriend
kesemuanya. Kite tak pernah marah ayang plagirl,
dah tu ayang kata kite cam sami buddha. Kalau
ayang rasa nak cium kite, ayang cium terus tak
pernah tanya pun. Tapi bile kite rasa nak cium
ayang, lepas tanye lagi kene reject. Ayang selalu
pukul dada kite, tampar muka kite, cubit peha kite,
kite tak pernah tengking sekali pun, apatah lagi
nak cubit, nak tampar, nak pukul?

5. Pernah ayang tanya kalau ayang jatuh cinta
ngan laki lain, kite nak buat ape. Kite kate kite nak
bunuh laki tu. Tapi bile kite tanya kalau kite jatuh
cinta kat pompuan lain, ayang nak buat ape,
ayang kata nak bunuh kite, emak kite, ayah kite
ngan nenek kite. Kite beli mask Clinique ngan
ayang harga RM300 kite kate harga RM30 Ayang
beli jam tangan kat kite harga RM30 ayang kate
harga RM300. Setiap kali berjumpe kite bagi
hadiah kat ayang,tapi setiap tahun birthday kite
ayang kate dah lupe.

6. Aritu ayang peluk kite kate nak sangat romen
ngan kite, kite kata tak boleh, dosa. Ayang kate
kite tak sayang ayang. Pastu semalam ayang
pakse kite romen ngan ayang. Kalau tak ayang
nak break ngan kite. Ok pukul 2 pagi kite sanggup
bawak motor sampai Jalan Pahang nak beli
kondom. Ayang kate saje je nak test kite, pastu
marah kite keji. Kite diam je duk tepi akuarium
tengok ikan emas tengah romen.

7. Kite rosakkan headphone walkmen ayang, kite
ganti satu discman baru.Ayang rosakkan kerete
kite, ayang buat derk je. Sekali ayang demam,
kite kene diet 2kg nak jaga ayang. Sekali kite
demam, ayang tambah berat 2kg sebab abiskan
makanan kite. Kite tak pernah kata ayang pendek,
ayang marah kite tinggi sangat,member ayang
ketawakan ayang. Ayang datang umah kite, kite
tido sofa, kite datang umah ayang, kite gak yang
tido kat sofa. Mak kite belikan rantai Tiffany ngan
ayang. Mak ayang tak pernah ajak kite makan kat
umah ayang walau sekalipun.

8. Kucing umah kite bersalin, kite bagi anak
kucing yang paling cute kat ayang, 2 hari je ayang
bela, kucing tu dah mati.Ayang tak kate pa pe
pun.Ayang bagi ikan emas yang dah dekat mati
kat kite, 2 hari kite bela dah mati. Ayang kata nak
bunuh semua anak kucing kite. Ayang kalau nak
pakai duit kite, terus ambil takyah bagitau. 30 ke
80 ke seratus ke selagi wallet kite ade duit. Aritu
kite nak pinjam 10 ringgit sebab terlupe bawa
wallet, ayang kate kite kedekut. Birthday ayang
kite tak pernah terlupe. Birthday kite arini ayang
tak pernah ingat..
who else but at 2 comments:

Sunday, October 15

this may b the end...

yunno wat...i kind understand wats Jason is feeling now...
blogging...
n yunno wat...i come to find tat my so-called circle of friends aint tat big at all...
call me jealouse n sour...
but...... friendly n supportove friends? i'd wish i have more...
i know i have em...jus that most of them dun read blogs...
so... wats the point?

so...yea...
this MAY b the end...
who else but at 4 comments:

Monday, October 9

:start afresh:

ok...enuff wit the emo emo... a new face lift for bloggie...n a more cheerfull, siao me!! new sem wish? maintain the siao-ness n it'll all be alright! i will survive this...

::cookie monster loves elmo!!::


this is for u babe!! u brighten up my life!!
u noe who u r!!
::rainbow::

::cartoonfrenz::


i contacted sk tday...she's still having her finals...mayb nex weekend...we could go for a movie...haven seen the gurls in ages... we'll see if mp n ws are free... *yipeee!!
::new sem::

a new sem... loving it! best of all...aM3 n BT is bac...the siao-ness!!!
so wat if m'sian studies was a bore? so wat if there's gonna be two drawing sub this sem? so wat if its gonna be more stressed out?
i'm here... i'm happy... i have my besties... its all i need! its gonna be a rocking sem!!


a brand new start...a brand new sem...
it was raining abit tday... n aM3 gav me a lift to the bus stop...
i told her..."yunno wat, its gonna be a clear tml.."
its kinda weird but it gave me a sense of hope...
a hope that it really could be better...
::smiles:: 
who else but at 1 comment:

Friday, October 6

::missing you::

tday is the mid autumm fest...15th of the 8th lunar month...it was your favourite festivalwhere the whole family will gather outside uncleK's hse... sitting at the round stone table...while the kids play their lanterns...you would yell at us when we play too near your plants..as we tend to burn dem till they shrivel up...
its been 9 months since u've gone...how r u? we all missed u so.... do u miss us? ppl use to say that when our loved one passed... they would still be watching over us... r u up there amah? do u see us? can u really hear us? i saw daddy talking to you last night...he sat there in front of the praying place where u sat... he lovingly pour oil into your cup eventhough it was already full... amah...did u see that? did u see that tear that streamed down daddy's cheeks last night?we all missed u so much...i drove out to buy you orchids tday...did u see them? i know u love orchids... i placed them at your table... i hope you liked dem...remember during the starting of the year? went i was too timid to learn driving... u told me that u wanted to be my 1st passenger... "ah yen a... bien kia e... aa bai kho tio lisen liao...chua amah ke buey goreng pisang la! amah bo kia zhe le ey chia ey!!" (ah yen a...doneed to be afraid wan...nex time when u got ur license, bring amah out to buy pisang goreng la...i'm not afraid to sit your car wan...) but it was too late... when i took my P...u've already left... if it means anything amah, i drove the bunch of orchid i've bought for u around my school area jus now...
amah, cYn is pregnant now... n she said she dreamt about u... she said u told her that u knew...n u r very happy... is that true? if it is, y izzit that i've never dreamnt of u after your death?how could u b so cruel that u would'ne even let me have a glimsp of u?i'm crying my self to sleep everynite... n theres nthg i can do... amah...the momories are coming back...but i dowan dem to..it hurts too much...i remember how u use to teach us how to fold origamy balls n boats...n how we use to light candles in the boats n let it sail down the drain... i remember that u use to do crossstitch bac in muar n i would sit beside you to help you with the needle....

amah...i noe it would be selfish of me to say that i dont want u to go... but during this festive season...its jus too difficult... everytime i think of u....tears will flow down beyond my control n blurr my vision... i miss you soooo much... i missed your voice when u use to call my name...i missed your smile...that little polite small smile...filled with gratitude... i missed your eggshell jelly... n i miss your yams... amah... y did u have to go? i noe its wrong...i noe that u were suffering during the last few months.... but its jus too hard...i cant do it..the fact is...i'm breaking down... i miss you so... i even have a set of your old pajamas neatly folded in a plastic bag..its the only thing i have in my room that smells like YOU... i miss you...so badly....
who else but at No comments:

Thursday, October 5

:why:

sometimes it jus sucks being the youngest...
theres no one to play wit...
u can only listen when the 2 elders sis were up all night "sharing problems"...
i've never been apart of the "sisterhood"...
wats my role in this family...?
i'm the wan that takes out the rubbish at night, picks up the dogs poop, sweep the floor n occasionally wash the dishes...
i'm the sister who gets yelled at for not cleaning up my room...
i'm the sister who gets interogated when i come home after dinner time...
i'm the sister who gets good results n occasionally get sum gifts from dem..
i'm the sister who gets F&N freebies n maxis t-shirts...
yea...
n i'm the one who always get picked on n teased for being "daddy's little girl"...
one more thing...i'm the one with NO LIFE...

my cousin use to say that she wans sisters...coz she grew up with two brothers... k2 always wanted sisters that will share her ribbons...n go shopping with...someone to share their guy problems n do "sisterly stuff"...ekekek...guess what? i want one too... be coz i dun do that stuff... i never did... if i took my sis's hairbands...i would normally be the one being yelled at later coz she wanted to use em...

back to the NO LIFE part...gawd! even my 55year old mom has more life den me...
let me show u my family's schedule for the week...
mom has dinner with her frens on tnite, sat, sun
cYn has dinner on tnite, tml nite, sat, sun
cIn also has dinner on tnite, tml
see?? how wonderfull...

the fact that i'm the youngest and that i'm always ignored in the family, makes me closer to my dad...
my sis always says that i'm always gonna be "daddy's little gurl"...n whenever theres a argument...dad will back me up...
the thing is... what do they expect? if they spend as much time as i did with dad...they would've been daddy's gurl too...

i use to surf the net for information on Volvo cars n BMW engines n motor sports...jus to share it with my dad...i use to look up on books about sound systems coz my dad likes em... my dad is my fren... n thats a fact... he's into cars n sounds n electronics...n i'll go read up on em jus to make sure that i can share that little conversation with him... n as time goes by...i soon grew to love cars too...why is it that dad n i we have so much in common? its because i actually went n look em up stewpid!! 
and as time goes by, we grew really close...we have a bond... n i love it!

but i also grew to noe a side of my dad that my sisters will never ever know.... i grew to know thw sodter side of him... the side of him that he always covers up coz he's afraid to be a burden... i'll noe it when he's not feeling well...i can sense it when he's upset...
but we (the daughters) are growing older now...n frankly, dad isnt happy with tat..... why is it that dad will wake up 5am to make breakfast for his 18,27,29year old daughter? its not that we r incompetent...no... it has became the one n only way for him to show us that he loves us... he's getting older now....n weaker too...constant heartburns n headche but yet he still keeps it from us... he wans to feel usefull... to be able to do smthg for us, but bz bz bz daughter r always bz with the gym, dinner n freinds...the only thing he can do is jus to make sure that we dun go to school/work on an empty stomach...

tnite...when my mom was out dinner, cYn n cIn too went dinner..it struck me...if i have other plans... dad would've been alone... n it hurts me so to think of him jus sitting there alone... he doesnt have alot of friends nearby...more of his "friends" are from work...he gave up his LIFE long long time ago for his kids n wife... n now...he's alone...
when cYn gt married, dad gt drunk...happy? no...he was crushed... he realised that he's getting older... n soon...cIn will get married too...what nex? mom's outing with HER friends isnt helpinh him cope much either... he's...alone... n that fact jus sliced my heart into two.... he's unhappy, he's alone, he's worried...n since amah passed, he talked even less...

i ditched my plans wit tz during the weekends to accompany him...
i think i'll be doin that quite often soon...
but will i be doing it forever?
who else but at No comments:

Tuesday, October 3

:random:




jus sum random posts...since i'm officially free n enjoying my holidays...wahahahah....

::rambot=macho?::

ahahahah... this is one very odd n disturbing thought...but it all came from lYd's blog...
quote from her blog:
"he must have underarm hair. not a damn bush, not two pathetic strands either
(ahem... anyone recalling anyone? lolz). just enough to show he's got the macho factor
(omfg i sound so corny.... ).

it has to be hidden beneath his clothes. don't show me... gawd i'll be grossed out.
i need to know it's there, and that it's kept away from my sight.

just BE THERE."

akakak...at FIRST, it grossed me out!!!! so the !@#!@# disturbing...judge a dude from the amount of hair he has under his arm!!! wahahahah...THEN, the stewpid disturbing tot haunted me for the nex whole day!!!! AFTER TAT,  it got me thinking.... yea...actually.. it kinda make sense!! *i noe...  -_-"...swt...* buuuuttt....it true...coz i jus dun get hairless guys!!! its down right weird for a guy to be witout hair!!! yikes...kinda feel like a snake!!! weird!!! *shiveres*....so yea... a disturbing thought to haunt your day!! wahahahah....

::the new love of my life::

wahahah...dun be fooled....it aint a WHO.... its a WHAT...
the new love of my life? SPA...
i'm serious...and i have one at home... my mom bought one... the tub...the motor...the bubles...
the aroma therapy thingy...EVERYTHING....*gawd...heavenly*




::HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL::

wat can i say.... its guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddd!!!!!!
wahahahha.... though corny.... its sweet! nice storyline... nice songs...*i love musicals!!!* ...awesome moves....*getcha head in the game*(melts)*peeps tat can dance r coooool!!*.... and...cute dudes!!! although alot of ppl like troy....i however would go "ga-ga" over CHAD!!!


:: hot guys::

this...ladies n gentlemansss...is my passion.... its my hobby... n i'm loving every single part of it!!!!
GUYS!!! that are hottttttttt...n guuuudddd!!!

theres no placing wat so ever...its jus a few guys that pops up in my mind....that i happen to think tat they are hottttttt!!!!!

wahahahah...
andy lau      (this dude will never grow old!!)
    micheal buble (he looks gud in a tux n he can sing!)


 andy hui  (ahhh...the old boyish charm)                        brad pitt (*drools)
                            wonbin (korean...*sizzle*)
  leehom(hottie hot hot!!)   
                       james denton (badboy plumber...ooooooo...i like!!)
chad miacheal murray (*awwwwww*)
                                 simon webbe (ahem! *wipes sweat!)
                       utt (cutie!!)
tom cruise (old timer..short...but still hot!)


wat do they have in common...nthg much....except the fact tat they r HOT!! wahahahah....

who else but at No comments:

Saturday, September 30

tday.....

tday was..... INTERESTING...
weird word to describe my day...but here is how it goes...

~scary~
tday, was the long awaited day of my blood test....dun panic guys...its jus a regular test for the sake of knowing hows my recent health state... the normal tests were..well.... NORMAL... but the bllod testing part was weirdly excruciating painfull..dunno y..mayb its coz they took THREE tuibs of samples...i dunno...weird.... was abit light headed tday due to the 12 hours fasting pre testing... it would've been okay if i hadnt stayed awake till 4am trying to finish the LEO backdrop stuff...AND staying awake means i WILL get hungry...unlike my normal days where i'll jus sleep em off...

~shweeeet~
TZ was abit worried coz i rarely get dizzy during blood tests...so he took the day off to send me to college coz i had to do my LEO backdrop... n u noe wat? i got to eat homemade breakfast! he cooked!! he freaking cooked!! its kinda weird...i typical rich brat cooking sausages....but...heck..i got nice warm breakfast!! so the sweet...*awwwww...so yea.... the whole freaking day he's been doin my work..doin the poly... painting...complainin tat i cant cut straight....so yea...more reasons for him to do MORE work.... wahahahah...*dun critic my work!!i very the biased wan!!! learnt it from aM3!!*

~shiOOOT!!~
my moto left me again....!! *sob sob* stewpid me..i left my new moto on the chair tday n sum stewpid idiot took it!!!! boohoo....1st my phone drown....den the nex wan ran away wit sum b*stard!!! sad sad...guilty to...coz he gav it to me...luckily he din say anything much...or else i would've jus broke down n cry!!! so the stressed!!! n yet another phone gave up on me!!!! *boohoooo...*

~busy~
LEO backdrop took me whole freaking day...so the tired!! cut this...cut that....wahaha...but aM3 , sB, Y....they help sooooooo much...so the sweet n adorable....!! really lourve em.... muacksssss!!! sB was siao as usual...cheeky n laughing all the way...she's uber manjafied wey...akakak...but its kinda cute ler...wahahah siao char bossss! Y was thoughfull as usual... had everything planned n all ready...wats missing?? MEMBERS!!! wahahahha...but it'll still rock...no worries bout tat!! muacks Y!! aM3...ooooo i'm starting to like her new look more n more... *sizzle* akakka....she single handedly arrange all my fonts on the layout.... so the proud!!! muackssss!!! hugs....*loves...! ML help to paint..she's soooo adorable.... the fact tat she helped eventho she wasnt really into painting is really sweet....*hugs

~proud~
the layout looks mighty fine!!! too bad my phone left me or i would've have a pix of it... the bright colored fonts...the cute arrangements.... the achor...the pelampung.... wahahaha...even the weird looking so-called-windows looks cute... akaka...*shrugs! awfully proud....

~shocked~
u noe wat..i fainted tday... not like pengsan habis la... like blackout suddenly lo... i was in the emergency exit staircase area...wat was i doin there?? spray painting my achor!! wahahah.... buthen i suddely jus blacked out....!!! i dunno y!!! sumore i was at the edge of the staircase.... luckily TZ caught me...if nt i would've rolled down the stairs!!! u noe wat? mayb i really aint tat strong..i always tot a few sleepless night would'nt harm... but i tinking its catching up on me now... i dunno y...my back hurts... my leg swells...its jus weird....

~melts~
how did my day end? despite the stewpid b*stard that took my phone... which still bugged me till i was on my way home....!! it was goood....WHYYYYY? coz........ i have the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL cd!!! double cd... posters inside...*melts* ifor those who know me.... i was...AM STILL on a high school musical craze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n he bought me the cd... FYI... he dun even see english shows!!!!!!!!!! argh....*melts*









 
who else but at 3 comments:

Tuesday, September 26

wahahahah...tribute to kxin!!

thx to kxin..i'm hooked to tis video...despite the flirtatious dancing n tat its paris hilton...i love the whole storyline...especially the ending...!!!

*psst..n the bully in the video is hottttttttt!!!!*
*drools....
wahahahhah


 
who else but at 2 comments:

Monday, September 25

emo-less...or less emo..wakakak

wahahah...sowee bout the emo emo posts...had me quite worked up for a few pretty long days.....i solemmly apologise to whoever that had to witness it...



aM3, sowee ya...din reply ur msg...knew u would've hated it...but i was kinda in a "alone time" mode...soweeeeeeee!!! muackssss!!!

cz, SOWEE! akakka...had to spoil ur day ya...sorry lo... the whole crying in the car thing...sorry ya...dun la u oso emo wit me!!*hugsss

A, sorry o...mamak...at MODERN!! din really wanna go...sorry sorry...nex time k??? tell john n xlvin n karthik n gf sorry too ya... *huggies...



anyhoo...updates!!


mid autumm fest... kinda a mess!! wahahha..screwed up kau kau... buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!! so many pleasant suprises wey...!!TZ came despite having to work.. he came after tat la... jus abit the shocked coz he said he couldnt make it... 
L2, u came!!i tot u wouldnt coz so short notice...love it when u do tat... so the cute... follow me everywhere, carry my bag.... ICE CREAM!! woots!! love u babe!! mwwaahhh!!!kor, u've done so much for me...so the sayang me sumore!! tq tq!! wouldnt noe wat wouldve became of me if ur not there all this while!!
but the whole event emofied me kau kau..as i got a serious headache from the booming pa system (i stood beside the HUGE speaker thru out the whole event), n the flashing spotlights which gav me stabbing blackouts!! i couldnt see a thing coz i have serious astigmatism... bummer...n the whole event was messy... frankly, i was abit dissapointed of myself..i couldve done better...but.... i kinda screwed up...thinking bout all of this, i ended up tearing in the car...i was the last one to leave too... CZ was waiting for me in his car..poor guy..i kinda freaked him out!!! sorry ya...

sunday was normal as i went to temple for class as usual...but the afternoon was a blast!!went out wit L2!! we went to pyramid for a movie...woooo...my super ex girlfriend... ok ok show la... hilarious tho...akakka...laugh all the emoness out of me... the journey there was nice...it nice being around him...we talk crap...we play crap...the poor stuffed cow in L2's car was a mess when i was thru wit him!! ahahha...i stuffed him up the handle or the car door...played boxing wit it...woot!! uber childish but super fun!!!
i went out again in the evening...(it was a bz day)...akakaka...i went out coz i had a feeling TZ had a rough day... i dunno y..it jus felt tat way..his "i'm smiling but i'm nt tat happy" mood... his msg-es actually was how i sensed he wasnt happy...tho they seemed fine...but it jus doesnt sound right.. so yea..i went to see him after his work which is at 10...he kinda gave me the "y r u here??!! but i'm glad ur here look"...aakakka...jus sum weird facial expression la... drove to his place, he parked his car n hopped on to mine...n we went for a drink...turns out i was right!!! he did have a bad day...hmm... i'm phycic!! we talked... i mean..he talked... n i had to send him home coz it was getting pretty late... so i dropped him at his place... and... his dad saw me!! altho the dad sees me n him loads of time..in the temple, events, sumtimes at his place.. 
but this time its diff.... (one) coz its 11.15pm... (two) we're alone... (three)...tat i oso have no idea... but he gave us a weird look... nex thing u noe, i was sitting in their living room... wit tz beside me... staring at his parents whom btw are abit the speechless....*this is crap!*
THEN!!!!! the dad started laughing... n he told tz's mom.... "i told u so..dun believe me!told u d lo...sooner or later wan la..." den he pulled mom upstairs...saying dat they have sum "unfinished score to settle"...
tz n me...we jus laughed our heads off!!! wat a day...
wat a day...

spent my whole day tday settling the back drop for leo... anyone wit extra poly cutter??mine gonna die liao!!! help needed S.O.S!!!

who else but at 2 comments:

Thursday, September 21

:boxes

i have a lot of boxes in my room... 
yea...boxes... all shape n sizes...fancy ones n big TV boxes...i have it all... 
n inside em are all my emo memories... yea..u heard me... i keep my memories... EVERYTHING...
down to the lil piece of tissue u gave me.... n the lil shreds of wrapping paper... every string... every cut out...lil notes...everything....letters... tear washed cards... everything...

:letting go:
            :depressed:
         :missing the old days:
:regrets:         :sorrow:
            :feeling hollow:     :pain:
:pure emptiness: 
     :sad:         :tired:

yea... i guess tats about all the emotion n feeling running thru me den...

i sat at the corner last night... it was 2.30am... i jus woke up from crying after i came back from modern last night... i snugged down n dragged all the boxes out...
i took tis particular pink box out n i opened it... safely tucked inside was our stuff... things from form1... when we 1st met... u were my 1st fren at the temple. u were the one tat talked to me 1st... it feels odd being in a new enviroment... tho we weren't from the same school...we had so much in common... i took a piece of half done knitting... i chuckled abit... i can still remember teaching u how to knit during the holidays... u wanted to make a scarf for him... so i wanted to teach u... it wasnt done tho... coz he broke ur heart..i remember those long midnight phone calls when i couldnt even make out wat u were wailing about... after that...u made me a handkechief...but u din finish tat too coz i din teach u how to end the knots... i wiped off the tears tat was compiling around my eye... i hate this... i folded the handkerchief carfully as if it was made of glass... n there i saw it.. the note... it was the last thing tat i received form u... i read it again n again...i can fell your pain n ur anger in it... "bitch... how could u?" how could i wat? babe..i din do anything..... "u noe how much i love him... u noe..how could u do this to me?" i noe how much u felt from him..tats why i even tried to patch things up..i know about his affairs... i was trying to stop him. "i hate u! i shudnt have trusted you!! you're nthg but a back stabbing bitch!" tears were flowing uncontrollably now... i couldnt stop it... i hate it... i quickly shuved the boxes back in...

at the verge of breaking down, i caught a glimsp of that lil orange box....oh crap..nt this wan...

i carefully pulled the string like ribbon of the box... it was the ribbon he gave me to tie my hair in form3... i still dunno wat the string was actually coz he jus pulled it out from his bag... but it meant smthg...inside...at the top of the pile, was a blood stained hanky..gross huh? the blood on it...it was mine... i fell down n stepped on glass... he piggy backed me all the way down 2 floors to help me...
we've always been close.. but there's smthg in tat moment... his face, his eyes, n he was freaking fierce too... he yelled at me when i insisted tat i can walk down to get the medic... without asking, he picked me up n brought me down... i've never seen him so angry...and so.... so worried... he din say a word after tat.... no a single word... he held my foot down while he try to get the glass out... his expression... its almost like...like ...he was hurt too.... i've never seen him so frustrated b4...never... he told me he dowanne see me get hurt... he doesnt know why...but he jus dowanna see me hurt... i knew he cared...but nt tat much... we've been best frens ever since...

tats it, i closed the box... n i picked up the phone... n i miss called him...
he msged me back immeadiately "babe, still awake? very late liao ooo..."
and i jus replied him 4 words " i saw her tday..."
and he called me back...

i poured everything out...EVERYTHING...he actually already knows most of it coz he was also in our clique... but he still listened... i needed to let it all out... i needed someone tat understands wat i'm goin thru...i needed someone tat understood me... i needed him...
we talked till the sun was up this mornin n he had to go to work... i felt kinda bad as he was really tired..
but he made heck some sense... *sighs*

 mayb i do have prob letting go... i'm still slinging on the the memories....he says tat i'll have the memories forever n so will she... its been 6 years and perhaps she aint gonna be nad at me forever... time will heal the wounds...den the scars would hurt tat bad... after tat mayb i'll get me chance to ease her scars...
but till den, i need to learn to let go...let it slide... he can see that i'm at the end of my line now... he can see tat i'm tired...emotionally... perhaps it is time to let go... give her space... mayb it is time tat i treat myself wit a lil more kindness...
he was right... i aint tat strong...no matter how hard i try to cover up...no matter how gud i am at acting strong...i'm craking... i cant live alone in this world...everyone needs sumebody... i was holding back my tears so badly... he said its okay to cry... even the strong one feel sad... 
i din wanna cry... tears are weaknesses...thats my theory...but he din think so... i will feel better if i cry n let it all out.. n i did... i cried...*again*.... but this time i din force my self to stop... its him... there's no need to act...there's no need to cover for he sees thru it all...

though of the day: i will treat myself better... give myself some pampering time...n let the rest flow...it isnt my way..but i will try to... one thing i noe for sure... i aint alone...

:3niGma: out
who else but at 2 comments:

a twist to a GREAT day...

this was suppose to be yesterday's post... i was so amped up to blog the 1st think i got home...but den the day jus went down hill....

200906
the day started abit slow as i woke up kinda late...i've been doin tat pretty often lately, especially after i pulled the 100 working non sleeping hours...muahahha....
ANYHOOOOO....
a holiday wit a bestie...its gotta be fun... see the color of this part? its dedicated to u!!
met up wit aM3 at coll at around 12.40pm...ehehe....wanted to go over for lunch...so the gangho...walking in summit...den i suddenly remembered i was on a vegetarian diet tat day!! * soweeeeeee!!!!* but aM3 was sweet enuf to makan wit me at a place she would normally jus smack me on my head!!! *hugs!!... we settled our working hours n we went n meet up wit Mr N... still tinking of changing dept...but...as they say the grass on the other side is greener,  but once we got over to the other side...it turns out to be almost the same... every dept has its issues...and i'm starting to tink mayb sticking to Mr N aint half that bad.... *hmmmphhhh..... scratch head* well..after that, we went for a movie!!!! woohoooo!!! you, me n dupree....erm... kinda let down tho...the show was kinda lame... had to lepak around for almost an hour for that show too.... but that din ruin the day...cuz the company was awesome!! we went to BCC for the sake of jus finding a place to rest our butts... aM3 ordered a scoop of ice cream... finished within half an hour..den we fiddled wit the melted ice cream leftovers later...*gross!! akaka..but still fun!!!* we're a weird bunch..i noe...but i still like it!!


went for dinner after the meeting wit the temple committee... the mid autumn festival event is on this sat... hmmmphhhh...emceeing again...i guess tats wat ppl do when they have  limited sources...they'll reuse u again n again n again n again n AGAIN..ahahha...but i aint whining... feels good to be able to help..tho i might screw it up agin..wahahahha....* oh well...*

when i was in secondary school...there's this mamak place where we use to all hang out... every tom dick and harry from klang noes bout this place...its in the middle of the ever popular street where there's around 5 tuition centres there!! MODERN....oh the memories... *sob sob*

i went over to Modern for dinner yesterday...i havent been there in more den 6 months... tot mayb it would be a pretty okay idea... i went upstairs coz it was pretty jampack below... as i was walking up, i heard a very fimiliar voice... jus as i went up, i saw THEM... 
i saw HIM... we use to have smthg... we use to be an item..i trusted u wit all my heart...actually believed tat it was all meant to be... after such a long time...it wasnt a fling..i really felt for u...
i end up being hurt... thrown away like a used tissue paper.... how was i suppose to bear wit the pain? and i saw HER... its ironic coz we use to be pretty close...not the really close n best frens...but we went pretty way back... she was the one i use to talk to...she was the one that use to gave me advices...
 how ironic was it? to find u wit him... i was quite taken aback when i was at his doorstep... i knocked on the door.. and there u were... wrapped in a towel... i tried to be the better one..i tried to stay strong..i smiled n i left...but the tears started to flow once i turned my back... i'll never forget that smugg expression u gave me... never...
i tried to be the strong gurl... i sat there n acted as tho nthg has ever happen between us... i smiled at dem..n i sat down... den she jus couldnt hide her smug.. she grinned from ear to ear as tho it was a battle n she won... *and she cant stop showing em winninf trophies too!* dun lie..i saw tat..i saw her face when she slipped her hands down his pocket... she was looking at me..taunting me even... *jeesshh!!!! and it really did get to my head!* i saw her eyes when she nibbled at his ear... and of course her ever so popular "dun la!!" giggle.... 
i snapped... but i din do anything..i went downstairs... ppl might tink tat i'm still in love wit him... no..its not jealosy for i'm very sure of that... i dun feel anything for him anymore...even if he jumped of the building... its was her tat i was pissed at... no... it wasnt jealousy, it was ANGER...

i went downstairs smiling...altho still abit pissed...but i was pround tat i din make a scene...so i went n sat downstairs... and there SHE was... i was stunned..its been 2 years since we last spoken... she sat there wit her bf... 
i din noe who... i stood in front of the shop for a pretty long time...mustering the courage to walk up to her...to tell her tat it was a misunderstanding... i wouldnt do anything to hurt her... 
*kinda ironic from the previous situation above huh? she tot i was after her bf coz we were pretty close...all 3 of us... 
but the guy was a jerk to start wit..turns out he was 3 timing her...* 
i walked in...lokking at her...she saw me too... i stared at her...searching for the same fimiliar sparkle in her eyes...yet i see nthg... blank... i stopped 1 table away from her.... hoping tat mayb she could jus smile at me... or even stand up... she did! she stood up... but she turned around n went behind to the washroom... i tot  this was it... after so many years, you'll finallly give me a chance to explain... my heart leaped...but it fell down a bottomless pit when u turned n walked out on me again...my heart ached ad tho it was sliced...6 years we've known each other...6 whole years of tears n laughs, screams n smiles... we would cling on to each other, we would tell each other secrets....6 years...doesnt it mean anything to you?
i sat by at the table near the entrance... no wanting to be too near to her in case i'll agitate her even more... she came out from the washroom furious...and told her bf " lets go...i dowanna eat already..." n she walked off....

and i jus sat there...

there's one thing bad about a ever popular hangout place is tat...u dun go there alone..ur always wit company..either frens n your significant other half... FYI...sitting there alone was excruciating... so i got up n walk back into the car.... once the door was locked n i put the key in..i couldnt even turn the key as tears were flowing down my cheeks... i couldnt stand it any longer...i din do anything wrong... how could my best fren status changed to bitch status in jus a week? all i did was stand by u guys when the times was rough... consoling u... talking to him..telling him to understand ur situation... eventho i knew he was a jerk..but u loved him so much...












wat a day...


:3niGma: out


























who else but at No comments:

Friday, September 15

finally...


its been a 100 hours... its been exactly 100 hours since my last naap on my bed... i'm tired... i'm in pain...my back ache.... * at 7.15pm, i've jus once again been thru the agony of adjusting my back into its original shape....* (groans)  
but at least...
i can safely say now that i've finished ALL my final assignments... muahahha...*moans**rubs back*

sleepless night 1 ... typo and advertising



sleepless night 2 ... playground assignment for 2&3D

   

sleepless night 3 ... A2 size illustration of minimum 20 colors for
 color n form



sleepless night 4 ... A3 size portrait using "hatching" technique for drawing fund



ITS FINALLY DONE!!!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHH...




who else but at 2 comments:
Labels:

Saturday, September 9

bonkers!!

half way goin bonkers doin my posters and radio ads... at the verge of pulling my hairs all out!!!
...
...ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....y like this???? so hard!!! i cant do this!!! boohoo!!!...
*slams head onto the keyboard*
...
sigh...haihzzzz....
*phone beeps* sk msg-ed me... she comin over!!!
wahahahah....
she came to borrow my cheongsam for the school uniformed unit's "malam kebudayaan"...
i wanted to borrow her the pink wan n blue wan...coz i wanted to save the dark pink n black wan for LYD... she needs it for prom....
but my wonderful sis pinjamed the pink wan n blue wan to her fren...so sk went wit the black wan....
..... *oh well*...

it was fun having sk around...due to the "transparency" of the black cheongsam... we need to find another top n bottom for the cheongsam...
woot!!! psyco wey!! we were trying out the cheongsams wit various tops n pants...also skarfs becoz the cheongsam has no sleeves and its a sekolah menengah KEBANGSAAN lo...haha...psyco....
 muahahahha...of course we fooled around wit sk'd cam too!!! muahahahha...
*cough* camwhore*cough*
           
     
i like the wan wit the black skarf...sk thinks the red wans better...hmmmmm...
weird!!!
who else but at No comments:

Friday, September 8

wat am i to do?

sometimes... its jus plain irritating...
sometimes... its jus plain annoying...
sometimes... its jus plain frustrating...
sometimes... its jus nerve wrecking...
like now...
i wanna jus let it slide...
i wanna jus let it be...
i really wanted to jus accept it n move on...
i told dem... its liddat wan la... jus accept it la...theres nthg we can do wert..
but i cant.
i went home tat day...n i jus broke down n cried...
i cried till my pillow was soggy n my eyes were puffy...
y me? y now? y tday? y like this?
its been our word of the week recently...

i jus couldnt take it anymore...
i'm tired... i'm depressed....
d workload is killing me...
i stare blankly at the com for days...wit nthg in my mind...
is it the stress? is it the tension?
my ideas are running dry...
time is running out...
i see people passing up their work which i haven even started upon...
how can this be?
this isnt like me...
y is this happening?

crying in my room...
tats wat i do best nowadays...
my mom tells me...wats wrong la? tell me la... wat oso u dowanna tell ur mother wan lo!!
n so i started to talk to her...
within 15 sec...she turns n starts talking to my sis...
tday hor... i made this n i brought to my frens to eat o!! they say very nice oo...
i jus stared at her in disbelieve...
n SHE says tat i dun listen??!!

who to talk to?
who to rant to?
who to scream to?
no one...
even the closer frens are starting to annoy me...
its nt tat i dun appreciate dem trying to "cheer me up"...
but it aint working...
so quit trying ur luck...
it'll jus make me sink lower...

this jus makes me sick..
but wat am i to do?



who else but at 2 comments:

Sunday, September 3

my work on display!!

COLOR n FORM 


cut out


shading n tinting

2D & 3D

back

front
flip flops

muaahhaha.... bangganye~!!
who else but at 4 comments:
Labels:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

voices of new malaysia

15Malaysia