Friday, October 6

::missing you::

tday is the mid autumm fest...15th of the 8th lunar month...it was your favourite festivalwhere the whole family will gather outside uncleK's hse... sitting at the round stone table...while the kids play their lanterns...you would yell at us when we play too near your plants..as we tend to burn dem till they shrivel up...
its been 9 months since u've gone...how r u? we all missed u so.... do u miss us? ppl use to say that when our loved one passed... they would still be watching over us... r u up there amah? do u see us? can u really hear us? i saw daddy talking to you last night...he sat there in front of the praying place where u sat... he lovingly pour oil into your cup eventhough it was already full... amah...did u see that? did u see that tear that streamed down daddy's cheeks last night?we all missed u so much...i drove out to buy you orchids tday...did u see them? i know u love orchids... i placed them at your table... i hope you liked dem...remember during the starting of the year? went i was too timid to learn driving... u told me that u wanted to be my 1st passenger... "ah yen a... bien kia e... aa bai kho tio lisen liao...chua amah ke buey goreng pisang la! amah bo kia zhe le ey chia ey!!" (ah yen a...doneed to be afraid wan...nex time when u got ur license, bring amah out to buy pisang goreng la...i'm not afraid to sit your car wan...) but it was too late... when i took my P...u've already left... if it means anything amah, i drove the bunch of orchid i've bought for u around my school area jus now...
amah, cYn is pregnant now... n she said she dreamt about u... she said u told her that u knew...n u r very happy... is that true? if it is, y izzit that i've never dreamnt of u after your death?how could u b so cruel that u would'ne even let me have a glimsp of u?i'm crying my self to sleep everynite... n theres nthg i can do... amah...the momories are coming back...but i dowan dem to..it hurts too much...i remember how u use to teach us how to fold origamy balls n boats...n how we use to light candles in the boats n let it sail down the drain... i remember that u use to do crossstitch bac in muar n i would sit beside you to help you with the needle....

amah...i noe it would be selfish of me to say that i dont want u to go... but during this festive season...its jus too difficult... everytime i think of u....tears will flow down beyond my control n blurr my vision... i miss you soooo much... i missed your voice when u use to call my name...i missed your smile...that little polite small smile...filled with gratitude... i missed your eggshell jelly... n i miss your yams... amah... y did u have to go? i noe its wrong...i noe that u were suffering during the last few months.... but its jus too hard...i cant do it..the fact is...i'm breaking down... i miss you so... i even have a set of your old pajamas neatly folded in a plastic bag..its the only thing i have in my room that smells like YOU... i miss you...so badly....
who else but at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

voices of new malaysia

15Malaysia