I Would Trade - Clarensau

Indra shared with me this song.
I love his song selection, from the 1st time i met him

till now, his 1st play list to me is still my fav.
As the rhythm of the acoustic guitar strum in my ears, i cant help but feel for this indie song.
Feelings so raw, affection so endearing.

The most beautiful thing about a song?
Is the fact that songs can bring back visuals & memories.
How a song connects to you... thats how good a song can be.

Everyone lost someone special before, or almost lost someone you loved.
This song brought me back to the cold hospital rooms, beeping of machines.
The hopefull yet hopeless sense of wishing, praying, hoping that everything would be fine.
How we frantically search for signs of the next step.
What should we do?
What can we do?

This song brought me back to the moments before she left.
This songs brought me back to the last few moments of her life with us.

I miss you amah.

I Would Trade - Clarensau

Another night in the waiting room
You’re fifty feet from me but I still miss you
Your body sleeps in that scary room
Unaware of the doctors that trying to save you

What can I do but wait
What can I do but pray

And I would trade all of my days to take the pain away
I would trade all of my days to take the pain away

Another night of restless sleep
When I wake will you still be here with me?
I’m looking for a sign of life
You squeeze my hand and maybe open your eyes

What can I do but wait
What can I do but pray

And I would trade all of my days to take the pain away
I would trade all of my days to take the pain away (Repeat till fade)

happy mama's day Angie!

dear mama,

for the days when i din clean my room,

and had my stuff left everywhere.

for the days when i promised to help,

but end up upstairs snoozing the next min.

for the days when i yelled back,

for the days when i gave your the cold shoulders.

for the odd ball boyfriends,

for the days when I wake up from crying and refuse to talk to you...

You and I, we're not the best pair.

You and I, we're never the closest kind.

You and I, we have so much more to work on.

I promise you I will.

I promise you I will try.

I know you love me.

Please remember that deep down, deep deep deep deep deep down,

I love you too.

--------------------

today...

was interesting.

:P to say the least.

Chris, the oldest son decided to come over and play masak masak.

we had...

Chilli (all sizes & shapes), onions, garlic, long beans, prawns, fish and tomato.

aiming to cook, LOVE-ing sambal prawn for mama's day.

So yea,

mom n dad went out.

me n bro started messing around in mom's kitchen.

He started chopping onions, shallots, garlic, tomato.
Ended up "suggesting" to use the blender. =.=

FUUU~UH!!! in action wehhh!!!!!

I chopped long beans, and started washing the prawns.

If you do not know yet,

I suck in the kitchen.

I stared at the bowl of clear greyish prawns, wondering "how to wash a?"

den we both started to peel the prawns....

EEEEeeeee..... geli.

coz lembik. =.=

hehe. den we waited for mom to baliks.

but she din... for the longest time.

=.=

her "15 mins" became like 1.5 hours.

We got damned hungry.

so i started to open the fridge.

found cabbage and "frosted" carrot.

obviously we havent cooked alot.

so kor n i started chopping the veges,

curi-ing mom's minced pork.

and cooked up vege!!

:)

Den I cooked rice. :)

Called up sis (the mamas) to balik and join the fun too!!

the Outcome... was not bad.
Eventho our lunch was only ready at 3 smthg pm.

LOL.

dad gt so hungry he ate goreng pisang. O.o

mommy came back!

I'm nt sure if she was mad at us messing up the kitchen or jus too happy laughing at us screaming at each other.

"not like tat laaa!!"

"not cut like that laaaa!"
"like thisssss..."

"no laaaa!!!"

mom thought it was only 4 of us (kor , me , pa, ma)

den cynthia came back. Woots!!!

after abit cindy came back too!! with evaine n alan.

can see mom like spying at the door...

"whose that???"

"she gt come meh???"

ahahhahaha (laughing away)

while sisters teased us and mocked our cooking.

NOT BAD WERT!

finish oso ma!

den we had some rum & raisin chocolate...

Kit Kat Chocolate Ice Cream!!!

and lastly...

some awesome German beer.

:)

It was Fawesome!!! (Fucking Awesome!)

Dinner was yummy fat, meaty bacon with eggs and toasted bread at cynthia's hse.

with cheese and coffee and lettuce

and more chocolates and ending up with fruit juice.

*burp!

it was an eventful day.

I'm tired.

it was fun tho. :)

new years.

everytime when new year comes.

theres always this sense of anticipation.

when we start to buy carton & cartons of beer *thx to mandy's vouchers, so much more beers this yr...

when we start cleaning the house and fight over "wanna throw this? or dont wanna throw this?"

when we start calling all our siblings to balik rumah and deco the hse, hanging lights... red clothes... oranges.

i remember when amah was around, we'd sit down and start cutting the angpao packets.

into little little lanterns, fishes, all sorts.

amah would teach us new ones every few yrs, those that she learn from others and the newspapers cut outs, some even her own invention i think.

i remember days when we use to sit beside the glass window in the afternoon, and she'll tear out papers from her old school exercise books. We'll spend the whole afternoon making boats, paper balls, paper cranes... Come to think of it, amah was the one to sparked my interest in DIY arts & crafts since i was a kid. she was the reason why i loved making cards & handicrafts. :)

When new year came, amah always makes these huge angpao lanterns. and every year there'd be some new inventions & addition, some flowers, some gold decors, tails, different shapes, different designs. Amah's angpao lanterns were always something we'd look forward to. :)

and being amah, she'll make 4 different pairs of angpao lanterns, eventho 1 is already so hard to do. She'll make 8, and give them to every single house. so we all have smthg to hang on CNY.

i never did learn up those huge lanterns, probably i was too young, or too busy or jus *regretfully* too lazy.

When she started falling ill, we rarely did these crafts anymore. Until when she passed away, we kept the last pair that amah made, and we used it for a few more yrs. Like treasures they were to us. We tried to preserve it so much. Somehow it felt different, to have her touch in the house.

Today, (4 yrs after amah passed on)... we had our prayers in the morning, on the day before CNY. more like a family reunion, we gathered for lunch & dinner. On the table was all of amah's fav dish, even down to DURIANS! amah loved durians!

Indeed there was that sense of anticipation for the CNY, but sumhow, there's also this strong sense of emptiness, that she's not here. Her lanterns had also withstand the test of time, falling apart already. So today, after lunch... i sat down and started to make the huge angpao balls.

its a frustrating process, serious! all the details... I'm so ashamed of the details which i did not noticed at first. :(

But here's the outcome. *amah i love u

LB has this really cute thing this CNY where they give out stickers and you can deco ur own Mandarin Oranges! dress them up and they'll be your Lucky Tigers!!

:)

Gave them to my cousins today, they loved it! so adorable!!

charmaine's Mr Wonderful!
Chadric's nose-less tiger.
Charlene's I-want-everything-on-it tiger!

Happy Chinese New Year People!

:)

daddy's little girl

to the man

whose dark hair turned white, yet his specs & “misai" remains.

to the man

whose belly has grown and still smiles oh so lovingly.

to the man

who follows CSI loyally every weekend till midnight.

to the man

who sleeps at the sofa with the TV on.

to the man

who makes me breakfast every morning.

to the man

who always ask if i wanna tahpao lunch.

to the man

whose always worried about me

to the man

who waits for me to go home in the living room

to the man

who knows what i really want.

to the man

who has given me strength when i was down

to the man

who has silently watched me teared.

to the man

to always picks me up.

to the man

who has always been there.

to the man of my life.

to my teacher.

to my mentor.

to my guide.

to my protector.

to my friend.

happy birthday daddy dearest.

i love u !

prettier pictures....

we had our family pictures taken this year!!
photographer - sunsun & soosoo.

i noe its way overdued.
but since internet has been pretty nice to me...
WHY NOT!

enjoy!

"caryn frenching the cake"

told cha...
*urgh*

and the painful, traumatizing face painting begins...

oh tuhan tolong lah saye.
wishan says this is the "write azimat" pose.
=.="

the culprits.
u all wait la... whose bday is next??
TANWISHAN...

muahahhahahah....
nitez....

finally some photos...

yea... aku punya 21st.
yea... i noe... slow.....
=.="
reason: baaaaaad internet.... & embarrassing photos.

the bunch of ppl hiding behind the counter.

:cartoonz: mandy,siewkuan,kimchoon (wishan at home)
& tzer

Topper!!! (and kokyee kor in KL)
my WWF t-shirt guy!! i want more shirt can a?
wanna buy!!
:)

tzer

dont even ask HOW or WHY i became liddat...

:)

cheers. :)
next post shall begin with the awful sight of (quote sue ee) "caryn french kissing the cake".

toodles

Oh My Buddha!!

dear buddha,

pls forgive me. i wont be helping out at wesak day this year.
i've been consistently helping out for 5 years already.
i'm sorry but i'll have to miss this years celebration.

i'm going to templers park with the cartoonz.
i havent seen them since...... so long ago...
and April is going to Scotland soon.
its like one of those rare occasion that we get to be together be4 everyone splits.

oh buddha,
i promise i will not smack mosquitoes.
i promise i will not dig ant hills.
i promise i will not throw plastic into the waterfall and pollute the water.
i promise not to burn anything there.
i promise to drive carefully so that i do not hurt or harm anything.
i promise.....
i dunno what else wo....



:)
u understand wan ma horrrr???

ahahah.. thank you!
next year la... i sure celebrate for u a...

regards,
yen

mama day...

this years mama day we spent it earlier coz we wanted to avoid the jams and packed over-priced restaurants...
:)
on friday night we had a 4 siblings tele conference to discuss where to bring mommy to makan!!!
western?? EEEEK mom no like western.
fushion?
chinese? *siens*
=.="

nyonya?
hmmm..nyonya food sounds like smthg mom will like.....

:)

cindy & chris introduced us to Bibi Chik.
at 1st cyn and i were like "whhaaa...bi bi whaaa??? what shop is tat??"
ahahha. jakun ma...

anyways, its this shop tucked away in ss2... :)
so on May 1...labour day... we went to bring mom to makan big big @ BiBi Chik!!
even HO CHIAK came before wo...
hmm... shud be nt bad...
:)
of course...we ordered the chef recomendations la!!
kiasu ma!!!
mango fish, honey sotong... yummmmssss...
oh the honey sotong!!!
and mom ordered cendol too! not too shabby la..
:)
thats was the end of part 1....
:)


finished work early tday...
gt my paycheque too!
:)

dad went off for a friends' wife's wake.
so me bawa mommy to makan dinner.
at 1st it was a ..."wat u wanna makan???"
"wat tan hor or hokkien mee a?"
*siens*

so we decided to venture out to cari makan.
came to Mizi Shabu Shabu at bukit tinggi.

not too bad.

not too bad at all.
belanja-ed mom makan la.
i tink its like a FIRST EVER OFFICIAL belanja makan by me lo.
LOL
i kiamsiap.
no chance ma...

anyways...
HAPPY MAMA DAY!!!

there's always alot to say to mummy.
every year is filled with mixed emotions and signals.
my mom and i are rather different.
different in a sense that we are not very close.
not that we dun love each other la...
she loves me alot.
theres countless times and years that she sacrificed so much for everyone of us.
i love her so much for that.
just that we dun mix well. always end up arguing.
we're not a very expressive bunch of ppl.
we express well with our friends and other.
ironically just not to each other.

its odd.
but thats us.
theres so much that i wanted to say.
so much to tell.
yet. words jus dun wuite follow wat i wanna express.
hopefully, in due time i will learn.
to learn not to KEK my mom so much.

:)
*hugs*

squiddy

-Squiddy-

You don’t have to be “ok” if you are not.
It’s alright to be “not ok”, you have all the rights to mourn and be sad.
It doesn’t make you any less of a man or a disappointment to others.
You have your emotions, it’s alright.
Cry, cope, and heal at your own pace.

He’s been through a very hard and tough time.
I’m sure it wasn’t any better for you as well.
But maybe it’s for the better, least he’s not in pain anymore.
He must have been a great man.
I’m sure.

He’s in a better place now.

I know it hurts and I am in no place to tell you that it’ll be better soon.
Hopefully in due time, everything will be alright.

mei’s here, kor.
meimei’s here.

Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard, but always near,

Still loved, still missed and very dear.

"Don’t tell me that you understand.

Don’t tell me that you know.

Don’t tell me that I will survive,

How I will surely grow.

Don’t come at me with answers

That can only come from me.

Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

Accept me in my ups and downs.

I need someone to share.

Just hold my hand and let me cry

And say, “My friend, I care"

My friend, I care

-to a man that has left, yet memories treasured-

the long ones . the short ones . the thick ones . the thin ones :)

When there are no clouds in the skies, and the sun just refuse to come out.
When the flowers don’t bloom, and there’s no butterflies to catch.
When it’s raining again and it’s freezing cold.
When the colors are missing and you just simply feel blue.

When the train is delayed and the bus never arrived.
When you’re walking and it rains suddenly.
When that evil crow follows u and decides to POO on your shirt.
When your heels break halfway while you’re rushing to work.

When you walk out and step into a muddy puddle in your best shoes.
When you fall flat on the floor with an armful of stuff.
When your skirt is stained on the way to a meeting.
When you go out and your bag rips…or worst… your pants!

When I just stoned after hours and hours of work.
When my eyes water and my vision goes blurry.
When my back hurts and my feet aches.
When my head spins and I just feel like puking.

When someone hurts you.
When you feel betrayed.
When you feel left out and misunderstood.
When everyone just doesn’t understand.

When the weight is too heavy to carry,
And you feel like collapsing.
When your feet wiggle and shake,
And you feel like falling.

When you lose your balance and starts falling…….

It sure is nice to have you catching my back.
: )

free dinners . free rides . complimentary meals . starbucks brownie . CBF! . “ponampalam” memories . ranting & wailing . punching bag . picnis to look forward to . cartoon discussions . photos & memories . 080808 beijing coke . color string tied memories . knotting gifts . a green night lamp with STARS all over it. Sms . trips to look forward to . a picture of 5 silly girls during some really silly balloon moments. ipoh pictures . calls from genting . what-u-tink-of-me-is-not-my-prob talks in the bathroom . camp group shots . folded RM 1 note . wallet size KTM picture . saved messages . bringing me to see the stars . coke! Pictures. The wisdom hut . family . fa lv . friends . cartoonz . friends . completes ME.

Some things may put me down. Lots more can bring me to tears.
It’s okay. They make me stronger.

But it’s some of the smaller pettier things that make me smile & giggle.
Its some of these smaller pettier things that make me feel loved.

:)

• my graduation showcase is done!!!
• i'm officially graduated...!! i tink... waahahah.
• my results are out!!! nt too chabby... they arent straight A's... but nt too shabby either. :) i've learnt that they dun matter tat much anymore. i've learnt so much and met so many people in these years....

OLD SCHOOL GRADUATION SHOWCASE 2009
20.03.09 - 22.03.09

-my corner-
title: "coke" the musuem.
model credits to Lydia Kwan! & Tzer.

notice the colourful note pads?
:)
they're from the family, frens and people that came to the event.
their comments and love!

yes yes... caryn feels very loved rite now.
to the people that came to support.
to the people that accompanied and helped.
to those people to hugged and send gifts.
to people to stayed up till 7am to help with setup.
to people who din shave nor sleep to rush our stuff.
to the sms messages and cards and flowers.
to people to volunteered and helped.
to meeting back old friends and getting messages to family members.
-happyfamilycreatedbytecklimkitfong-
-cartoonfrenz-
-prison.of.art-
-friends-
-companions-

:)

• i'm currently doing a short term job again. at an agency in the heart of kl. the job is fun. the poeple are interesting. the experience so far-great! trying to soak up as much as i can. place is freezing cold tho! hahaha. nonetheless. :)
  

• a random shot from pretty long ago. courtesy of tarq!
• the hat wasnt even mine. lolz. i tink its john's.
• andy/john/aizat's house party.
  

iamnotdrunklook.

:)

feeling the lost.

It seems just yesterday when we would hang around siewkuan’s place after school,
just chilling, watching 8tv and hogging the couch.

It seems just yesterday when her grandma would cook us lunch, of vege, soup, chicken wings and such, on special occasions we would also have a tasty homemade red bean ice cream treat!

“Amah!” we would call her fondly because after so many years, we were all very close. We would all sit down in the hall’s red couch and talk to her sometimes, we’d talk about family, school, food and whatever not’s.

When my grandma passed away I took the blow hard. And in time I soon grew even closer to her as she was ever always comforting and patient.

Even though she spent most of her time alone at home, she had her kids her grandkids, she was contented I would say. As time passed, especially after we finished high school, we grew older, and unfortunately she too grew older and weaker.

There were times when we visited her, she would wobble around with her walking aid and her legs could not carry her very well. She would sigh as people around the house grew lesser and lesser; we all went to college and university.

She was lonely, that we knew. And her health conditions are not giving her a good time. She would talk about her aching knees and her troubling stomach, how she couldn’t eat rice and it makes her stomach upset. How she no longer could cook their meals as her legs couldn’t stand for too long. And in the end, she was missing her late husband a lot.

Just yesterday, we received the news. That she passed away. As hard as it was for us, I bet it’s even worst for siewkuan. Perhaps she is in a better place now. A place with less suffering and less pain. We still feel the lost. Everything happens for a reason. And this time, it is for the better.

Amah, you will be deeply missed.

Media Art & Design Graduation Showcase
Series 2
Prison of Art

the event that killed me.
it was lots of fun tho.
:)

do be doing smthg from scratch!
everything!
the lobby was e,pty when we started! jus a bunch of planks and wood.
alot of newpapers! stinks like paint!

and we started!
painting..
ben(yellow) n tarquin(black).

ben and traquin again.
they retired from painting and went to more macho work.
the screwing and drilling :p

after 2 days, it kinda took shape.
still theres more to come.

still building~
ben, tarquin& james...disccusing where and how to assemble the "cubes".

GD Ken Kor doing his own "Jackson Pollock".
we pao-ed the whole marketing floor!
it was 8pm i tink.

desperate aunties will be weaving the barb wires to create the "jail" feel.
*ouch!*

covering up the windows! superman soo on the ladder.
lady boss chenny (green shirt), miu (red shirt), me teng (pink).
bis boss alex (blur shirt) supervising the walls setup!

:))))
how often could u get a full face shot of darrell?

the epic moment of installing the roof.
supermonkey soo doing his stunt 2 floors up with NO safety harness.
only got GD Ken Kor grabbing his butt!
and darrell holding the ladder behind bars!

historical moment!!
the next morning, the "O" fell off.
on wednesday morning...
"Prison Of Art" became "Prison Fart"!!

the last night before opening.
our hero, ID senior Hong Yuen(Big Guy in blue holding lights!) came to help us with the spotlights!

work rush!!! daniel weaving away with the wires!

its been gruesome! ppl nt sleeping. nt eating.
they worked from 10 am to 5 am...
zzz...i chao-ed around 12 la....
mom wanted to "char kuey tiao" me liao.

finally.
on Friday 7.30 am.
it's done!
:)
M.A.D Showcase Series 2 Prison Of Art

the crown turn out was great.
t-shirts ran out n the 1st day.
brochure habis before lunch time day 1!

even SEGi Kota Damansara Mass Comm came to see.

guest appearance.
chenny's little prcious "tantan"!
he came for moral support in the morning!

VA Ken and YY.
during our rarely together lunch/tea makan.
we always makan with shifts.

james and blurred out miu.
she ran!!!

group photos.
chenny, me n traquin passed out liao.
chenny n i wanted to take a photo.
tarquin crashed!

and he got toooo heavy!

superchick debbie. she climbed all the high high high ladders!

only the girls.
me teng, Yuen Yee YY, Chenny, me and Debbie.

:)