the mechanism.

i've once heard of something called "the mechanism".
its a system of how ppl react to certain situation and people.

we're drawn to people whom matches us, have similar hobbies or perhap goals and personalities.
den we repent those whom (may not be bad people), but are just merely "unworkable" together.
people whom perhaps have different thoughts, different ways, different characters or just plain "dont like".

friends and people.
we can choose.

we can choose who we want to be friends with and who to mix around.
simple rite?
- (minus) those ridiculous high school drama and politics. *rolls eyes*.

but what about family?
people whom we are related to (some even the closest) not by choice, but by fate or "destiny"??
had this huge crappy arguement with mom the other day.
mind boggling.
me and my mom are one of those people who can NEVER NEVER EVER "work".
it frustrates us so much!

not like we dont love each other.
i mean c'mon. she's my mom.
i know she loves me too.
but sumhow "WE JUS CANT MIX!"
its always like a nuclear bomb when we're together.

i'll do smthg she hates.
she'll do smthg which i'll disagree.
anything! even chores as simple as organizing my closet.
=.="

she's always fiery and fast. everything oso want fast fast fast fast fast.
i'm a person that takes my time. i dunno y. but i always end up with more than i can handle.
mayb smthg is worng with my time management?? or mayb smthg is wrong with me...??
i always feel so tired.

that aside.
she'll be nagging.
i'll answer with no immediate actions.
she'll yell.
I'll get aggitated.
she gets annoyed.
I get frustrated.
she yells more.
i yell back.
then theres screams and stuff flying everywhere.
slaps and tears.
talks of "i shud never have gav birth to u!!" and screams of "if u hate me that much den just dont care!".
thundering voices of "i swear i could kill u!!!!" and of course the "if my dying wouldve made your life easier den DONE!!! think of me dead!!"

--- storms out of the hse----

honestly it just blew.
so far so big that even i cant control.
we say stupid things when we are mad.
we get defendsive when people critisize what you do.
and everything ends up in a brawl of anger, tears, frustration, dissapointment and ultimately sadness.

so how now??
seijor lo.
really wanna die meh???
siao... i cant.
i always see those people, when they say they wanna do smthg like leave the world and everyone there, AND THEY ACTUALLY DID IT!
btu sumhow i cant. call me a coward but i cant.

anyhoo. mom n i arent talking now.
we just dont talk.
we're not arguing.
we're not fighting.
we juts dun talk.
we totally ignore each other's existance unless we really need smthg from dem.

think if it another way.
mayb it is a good thing?
least we're not fighting anymore.

right?