a night... a long night of insecurities.

maybe its tat i'm pms-ing.
maybe its tat i'm stressed.
i dunno.
its complicated.

the news just in.
my 2nd sis's getting married.
they just announced it during dinner.
its nex year actually.
but the plannings are on.
it was a happy thing.
but tnite....
as i lay in bed.
it was the loneliest night ever.
the slow loud antic aircond never felt so cold...
almost as cold as the reality that strucked me tnite...
i am, i will be... alone...
its just gonna be me n my parents.
i'll be 21 next year...
lying in bed in a room all alone...
call me weird... i never liked being alone...
i hate the feeling...
maybe i'm over reacting...
i dunno...
maybe its a phase...
eventho my sis n i always argued..
we never stopped bickering and biting each other's heads off....
but somehow their pressence itself is already comforting and reassuring...

all of the sudden...
i felt so insecure...
i felt so alone...
she's getting married..
(i'll finally get a room of my own!!)
but now... the idea of getting a room of my own isnt tat satisfying anymore...

yes... i'm clingy...

i'm dependant...
i depend on people emotionally too much...
jingtzer use to call me a borderline psycho...
he use to say tat my hormons must be so messed up for me to be like this...
he use to say i'm so attached n dependant that i can be depressed....
well... as i said it... he USE to say those thing...
things between us...
its even more complicated than rushing an ad campaign for copywriting class...
waaaaaaay more complicated.

my phone alarm rang at 2.30am to wake me up to finish my assignment.
but when the phone rang.
i actually thought it was you.
maybe i just wished it was you...
if only....

did i mention i love the sax?!
no... not sex..
but the saxaphone...
gosh...
i'm listening to songs even before i was born but i still love it...
yes... i'm a sucker for kenny g's classic like sillhuotte, songbird, the moment, forever in love...
remarkable... *hint hint weishan*

looping right now.. in the depressed brain of mine...
songbird by kenny g

我不知道。。。
到底是什么问题。。。
也许你说的都正确。。。
我们真的是不一样的世界吧。。。




::3niGma::