in a million pieces...

things change...
life change...
we change...

nthg is the same...
nthg will ever stay the same...

it can be a bad thing..
it can be the end of the world...
it can also be a gud thing..
it can be a challenge for you to overcome...

k2... my cousin... She's always been cheerful, always problems free, she's always happy! She has her very own stressfree zone..Where she can kick back n yet excel in watever she's passionate in... she's always been athletic, a runner...a cyclist...a dancer... a gymnast... a lover for the works of mother nature! now, there's a huge challenge ahead of her. Smthg no one had ever expected. Feeling tired, feeling breathless, was even told tat she might have to hang up her running shoes...kinda dramatic? yea..its a drastic change... being on medication, thus gaining a lil weight due the the pill's side effect... we might not think tat its a big prob... but for her? weight and size were nvr any probs..she was athletic with a high metabolism rate..she could eat like a horse and still look great! but now? even with vigorous exercise and a strict diet...she's a bit chubby... she feels sad and dissapointed in herself... wats wrong with her?

MP...my high school bestie... smart..rational..someone that is always right...she's always the one that will give you great advice..she's always the one you'll turn to when your sad..she's the ever dependable, ever so mature friend... she's a gurl that believes in FAITH, HOPE ...she's a gurl tat believed in getting back wat you gave...she's the type of gurl tat would give 200% of effort in a subject tat she wasn't really gud at...and she'll succeed in the very end... now? being in a course which she was very passionate in...started the course with a heart full of hope...hoping to do well and make her parents proud... but it isn't really tat easy... creativity was obviously nt being her best friend... she started to keep bumping into dead ends... wide eyed and tired..she sat by the sidelines and watched ppl succeeding... she saw ppl with "talent" and "skills"... they succeeded witout even breaking a sweat... while she was sitting at the side, with her feet blistered and her knees bruised... she wanted to give up..she's starting to have second thought... is it really the right choice? did she make a mistake? where would she go from here?

me... i grew up with confidence in watever it is tat i was doin... got used to excelling in everything...mom brought me up since a child to study gud and to study smart... i wake up every mornin when i was 4-5 years old to memorize the A,E,I,O,U...i knew my "hasil darab" during pre-school...i entered primary school n secondary school all smooth and safe... i got use to being the leader..i got used to being active... former girl guides leader, former debate speaker, former prefect, former librarian head, state speaker, state story teller...i was in everything... apparently i THOUGHT i was gud at everything too... well, fact is..i'm not... my world last time was academically based..as long as i can study n memorize...i'm bound to score in my exams... now? i chosed a course which i find interesting...ironically, i stink at it! i can excel in geography or history...eventhough i hated it...but i seem to be slipping downwards in a subject which i actually like... so used to be in the limelight...so used to being active... now? i'm the girl tat sits behind in the meeting room... jus dun feel useful anymore...felt wasted...felt sucky... frankly, my past (to me now) is jus irrelevant... felt so out of place... felt like a little, tiny piece of a huge puzzle that just lost it place...

well, thats life...things change...we jus need to adapt to it and try to work it out..whether its our very own expectations, or other ppl's expectations towards us...we jus need to learn to live wit it... life isnt a soft bed of roses... whether if its health, or studies or jus plain nt fitting in, we need to learn to love ourself... things happen for a reason... it doesnt matter how it is now... watever it is, i'm sure we'll pull through...we need to stop trying to relive the past.. look at the present, and start appreciating it... count your blessings... thank god that ur sickness isnt worst and there is a medication to help; thank god that you still have your friends n family that will stand by u no matter if you r 2kg's heavier or 3 inches broader; thank god that you are what you are- unique n special; thank god that u have all there is to make your situation work for u!;thank god that you are nt alone....


:enigma:

contemplating

DAMN IT!!

damn it ppl!!! i'm nt an object!!!!

i'm nt your FLOAT or SAFETY BLANKET!!!
dun cling on to me for protection n support when ur afraid coz I ALSO WANNA BE PAMPERED!!!

i'm nt a freaking ESCORT okay???
dun turn to me when u wan sumone to kill time with unless i say i'm bored too!!! i wanna go home early too k????

i'm nt TOUCH n GO k?? u dun grab n smile at me and expect me to jus "let it go"!!!
i'm nt thin...i'm nt sexy...i dun wear freaking exposing!!!! KEEP UR FREAKING HANDS TO YOURSELF!!!dun u grab my arse!!! hate it when malay guys or apeks scan u from head to toe...den stop at ur butt...den stop at ur chest..den throw you a pricky smile!! go away!!! BUZZ OFF!!!!!

so what if i got 2kg's??? they are barely 1kg a pair in fact!!! doesn't mean that i have no brain n i can be treated like that!!! give me sum freking respect!!! there's no freaking prob with me!!! its not a sin or crime to have a "not-so-flat" figure!!! believe me i din choose to have it!!! i still score straight A's n use my brain to do my work!!! NOT A FREAKING BIMBO!!! stop treating me like one!!!

high school musical

high school musical

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gawd!! i love this wan!! *melts*
awwww....

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*pengsans

workload is killing me!!! hate it!!!
going to muar tml...say hello to more fat n chubbier lifestyle...MmMmMM...muar food!!
akakakka...laksa...prawn mee..MmmMM...oyster omelet!! *drools*

working late is killing me..hate it!!
droopy eyes...mosquitos bites...luckily TZ accompanied me these few night...
woke up today wit ANTS on my bed!!! which idiot ate food on the bed!!!! ARGH!!!!

i showed A my work tday..he liked it..woooot! bangganye!!! ekekkekek....
suppose to handle the notices in campus!! but gotta be darn creative!! watthcrap?
notices are meant to be BORING!!!! UURRgghH!! tak suka....anyways....
my masterpiece!! my work!! my sweat n blood!!! wahahahah...behold:
1) add / drop subjects within the first two weeks of the semester



































2) please refer to your counselor if u have any problems


































sorry...ran out of juice in the last wan..so jus simply hantam looo!!!
3) mana toilet??

haih...
i hate work...

:enigma:

You've always been there...
should i? or should i not?

lol!!

got bored....
pretty hyper...
watched " A Date With Tad Hamilton"...thanks to aM3...the queen of all romantic chick flick...!!
was not bad though...aakkakak....
got bored in the afternoon...
friend dared me to "dress up" last week...said tat i'll nvr do it...
sooooo..
since i was bored...
decided to bug her for it..
pull out my girl-iest dress...put up a ribbon hair band....

soooo....

before dress up session

thats jus the normal old me....

after the dress up session

jus creeps me out...

my mom was like "aiyooohhh!!! liddat only cute ma!!! liddat only look like gurl ma!!!" gawd!!!!

B was like "yeerrr...funny looking la wey!!" *sad case...wasnt meant to be a gurl..ekekke*

CZ kinda liked it...akakka...but heck... he says its a lil girl-ish....

anyhoo...thats all for my psycotic weird day....went to the pasar malam wit B though...mmMmMm...jagung... i likeeee....

tata....

:enigma:

i'll so regret posting tis on...but heck..for the fun of it!!! laugh on..at least i provide sum laughs in this area...wahahhaha....

*meltz*

tday was.... gooood....

tnite was....goooood.... *grins*

awwww....

so sweet!!!

will never regret having a friend like you!! *grins*

thank you!!!!

i love the sea at night!! *grin*

All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying

Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry

You leave me so confused
Now I'm all cried out over you
Never wanted to see things your
Is it too late for me to find my way home
How could I be so wrong?

Leaving me all alone
Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno?
Romance of these
How was I to knowYou would weaken so easily
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out over you

BT

BT is staying in my hse!!! stewpid gurl made me go all the way to the station to pick her up...
but its a gud thing.. tday i wasnt emo the whole day...not an emo thought!! at least nt tiill at night..when everywhere is quiet...n we're all so tired..
laid in bed... n all the thoughts n memories came...
i hate it! i miss him!! but i cant bear even looking at him witout breaking into a gazillion pieces!!

ANYWAYYY........
yea...BT is at my place now...
i'm gonna bring her go prom dress shopping tml...
she so freaking thin..how to buy?? hauih....
akakak
thinking of mayb goin to the prom..abit the cheap..plus goin alone...but heck...smthg to cheer me up i guess.. dunno la....

:enigma:

tday...

tday was simply ... ... miserable.

had serious tummy cramps tis morning.... i tell ya, its a curse to be born female!!
advertising principle was a drag as usual...Ms A jus drags n drags.... annoy n annoy.... dunno la..dun like her...
lunch was crappy... wasnt feeling gud...so tried to pampered myself with sum "not so cheap" cafe food..turns out, they ran out of everything!!!! no spegetti...no pasta!! no nthg..ended up wit potatoes... hmmmpphh!! so much for pampering myself...
AL replied me a lil late...haha... hope he does well tday... u go dude!!! i din go to the intercoll dance thingy... dowanna mafan AL la..coz he'll hav to like teman me...plus i'mm all emo tday... sowee dude!

swimming in a pool of doubt n sorrow...
desperately searching for smthg to hold on to...
alas, nothing....
i cant see anything but plain emptiness...
i'm feeling very tired already...
sometimes i jus feel like breaking down...
tday is one of those times...
i went behind the 6th floor n cried...
i couldn't hold back anymore...
i have no where to go...
din wanna go home coz its empty...
no one is there...
i jus really need someone here now...
someone to lean upon...
who won'y ask questions..
jus there...to hold me n tell me tat its ok...
tell me tat i'm nt alone...
unfortunately...
i am...
alone... ...

smiles

woke up at 5 tday...tummy ache!!! i went to the toilet like 3 times in an hour!!! woke up at 8 all green n pale in the face n lifeless.... ate medicine... dad pitied me..drove me to coll!! awww...muacks!!

went to coll... BT oso at frequent appointment wit the toilet...akaka....so coincidental!!! aM3 was sick tday too....gastric..poor gurl!! muacks!! get well soon..sleep n rest!!

handed in my advertising principles posters tday...lame oo!! haih...dun bother la..who wanna buy me anyways...wahaha...

highlight of my day? drawing fundamental canceled!!! yay!!! woohoo!!! aM3 went home early oz she wasnt feeling very well... cant blame her...so i waited for BT to go home together... den Mr L came over to my place n talked to me!!
actually u n aM3 eventhough from science stream hor..but ur work all not bad la... i can see u all very hardworking... wat u all lack in skills, u all put up more in hardwork..i can see wan..which of u all work all night for your assignment...dun worry, u all all ok wan...
i was nearly in tears by the end... its like he really knew...actually we (me n BT) found out tday tat he actually observes us very well... Mr L oso said that if we need any help can go find him... even if uts not typo n drawing prob...

coz i was curious, i took out all my past color n form work to show him... i noe sure kena very kau kau wan coz he's a pro..he went speechless immediately n start scratching his head... hehe...soweee....but the thing is, he actually start teaching me how to paint!! he analysed my painting and said theres sum prob wit my color mixing..tats y nt even...he tot us how to estimated the amount of water needed...how to handle the brush... how to handle certain difficult colors... it was actually good...

after that i went to summit wit BT, help her to find towel n had her simple dinner there...which she din even finish coz she wasnt feeling well... i teman-ed her back to the hostel cos she doesnt look very good... ran to the petrol station for 2 bottles of 100plus, ciritbirit medicine n a bun for BT...scared she'll b hungry tnite... den we jus hung out... pretty fun though.... i kinda like hanging at her place...not like home, no nagging n complaining.,.no grumbling.....neways, i went home after BT ate her bun...

hmm... might b goin to the intercoll dance in taylors tml...might be...

:enigma:

dun say u miss me...
coz i miss u too...
dun say i'm mean...
coz i have my own reasons which i dowanna burden u...
dun look at me like tat...
coz i noe u hate me, n it kills me so...
i wanna make my own choice...
i wanna make my own decision...
i wanna take my own risk...
y cant i?
y cant i?
its my life...
its MINE...
y????
might as well surrender...
surrender to my destiny...
forever a follower, wit no identity n mind...
forever a coward, wit no emotions n live...

woohoo!!!

i finally finished my work tday!!!! yaya!!!!!!

B teman-ed me to subang tday...akakak...i gotta go earlier coz i promiseed BT tat i'll bring her breakfast...akakakak...so yea.....i was nice catching up wit him though...miss him loads... so long din see him d...waaahahahah...no glasses!!! B..he actually looked kinda "lookable" now...hee hee...

got screwed by Ms A coz i couldn't finish my self promo ad by tis mornin...haih...dun likeeee!!!she very strict wey!!! haih...abit the mengada sum times sumore....she missed soooo many classes..den now..suddenly wanna crammmmmm all into 1class...she talks crap...spent 30 mins screwing us all up...den 2 n half hours "briefing" the nex assignment...which btw is pretty much of crappy work for jus 15%!!!

tday is jus not a gud day..despite the work tat was done la..but...more to come?? mana holiday??? kena buat kerja juga...

i've recently start contacting this uber OLD OLD fren since form 2 i tink...akakak...hmmm...shall name him AL den...too many initials la...so confusing...if u dun like den u jus tell me wat to "label" u la!! akakakka...as long as its not bay beh!!

akakak...had a "gurls day" tday..coz the guys were too bz wit their dance...nt bad oso la....peace n quiet..ekekeke...i'm sooo mean.... waghahah....

guess tats all..finally i can sleep at 12 tday!! yay!!!

nitey niyez people!! tata...

:enigma: ZZZZzzzZZZZZzZZzzzZZ


i miss u...
i really do...
ppl tink tat i dun really like u tat much...
fact is...
i din wanna let go at all...
i still wan u so badly in my life...
i'm sorry for wat i've done...
n i noe tat theres nthg i can do to mend the harm...
but i'm hurting too...
y cant I have a choice?
y cant I make the decision??
WHY???

my friends...

its amazing how much impact a simple gesture can mean so much to a person...
i use to think tat if it wouldn't work... and things start to turn bad...
jus walk away from it...

but tday...
its different...
perhaps i was jus a fool den...
when i use to whine n cry about frens...
eventhough they come n go...
eventhough we now go on our separate ways...
eventhough we jus knew each other for a couple of weeks...

i am trully blessed for have friends tat stood with me thru n thru...




from A the Z...i have friends with different personalities and from different backgrounds...the one n only thing they have in common??
they're MY friends... MINE!!!

wacko friends like ED , ET and CK...they're the primary cure for dull college routine! whenever we're wit dem...*sure they tick ur off sometimes* but we still end up laughing together by the end of the day...

friends like BT n aM3, they'll whine n they complaint...but towards the end...they'll be there for you when you stepped in shit..anytime, whether its 2pm in the stinkingbloody hot afternoon jus to help u finish ur work, or to give u a lift back to coll n all the way back to the oppsite bus stop again... *hugs* they may seem skinny like sticks and lembik like tau fu fah...but they're tough chicks! n u can take my word for it...

A,CZ,Z n of course L2...always there with advices n a shoulder to cry on...they're simply the best! it doesn't matter if its 4am or 4pm... whether its depression or stress...they'll always have the cure for a frown... with cute MMS, n touching sms...plus hillarious phone calls...they the ones!

B, A n CZ...always there for me to de-stress!!! they'll squell n wince...but they'll still let u torture them with pinches n whacks anytime jus to make you smile again...

the cartoons! oh they're the best...after soooo many years..they still put up wit my bossy, firce, ever scary attitude...n i love dem for tat..we sooo different yet so alike in so many ways...i guess the so-called "difference" jus balance out our flaws...


being the immature last child brat, i knoe tat i sumtimes pout n grumble, whine n complaint...jus wanted to say...i love u guys!!!

:stuck:

ever had the feeling tat u dun belong?
tat everyone else has found their place in life...but... u still lost?
like everywhere u go, u jus cant blend in...
tat u stick out like a needle in a group...
so bad tat ur starting to annoy everybody else?

old friends... they have their own circle now...
new friends.... u cant find a place to fit in the circle...
ppl say i'm annoying...ppl say i'm jus a pain in the ass...
mayb i am... a self centred idiot craving for attention...
or mayb its jus the freaking workload n routine tats killing me?

i hate nt fitting in...
i hate it when ppl around me are talking bout stuff which i dun noe...
i hate it when "friends" discuss issues where i'm left out...
i hate it when i have to miss out an outing with friends jus coz i have work to do...
i hate it when i miss my friends soooo badly but i cant see dem after soo long...
i hate it when i'm emo...
i hate it when i'm depressed...
i hate it when i have to cry myself to sleep...
i hate when life has deteriorated to the extend tat i need to cry to feel better...



just hate it...
dun bother...
jus being plain stressed n depressed...
jus being plain lonely n emo...

i haate it when i

my progress

ain't gonna blog these few days... too much work!!
so i'll jus do this to see my work progrss!!!


1) typo ass1 *edit 5/07/06 2.00am*

wasted 5 FIVE drawing pens!!! waaahhh!!! sakit hati!!! 25 bucks jus flew!!!

2) typo ass2

a) 28 thumbnail!! *edit 4/7/06 12.55pm*

these are the 4 chosen from the 28!!! next step..to paint dem in A3 paper!!! cry!!!

b) 4 A3 enlarged thumbnails!! *edited 11/07/06 4.30am*

this wan really killed me!!! i hate typo!!! CURSE YOU MR LIM!!!!
3) orange illustration *edited 05/07/06 11.16pmthis wan really killed me!! 6 hours dude!!!!
4) 2&3d pattern ass *edited 12/07/06 4.30am
5) advertising principle self promo poster!! *edited 13/07/06 12.5am

cry....

::enigma::

aint tat bad...except...

tday wasnt tat bad....
started bad la... missed my train..no no no..the train was canceled n rescheduled half hour later!!! bugger!!! i was at the station for 45mins this mornin!!!

when i arrived at the coll..everything was normal...i finished my 28 typo designs tday!! felt so accomplished!! wahahaha...aM3 gt her typo ass results d! b+...i haven't pass up mine yet! tension... hers look so nice n she gt B+! wat bout me!!! i need a minimum B+ wey!!! argh!!!! amyways..other den tat...we gt the spray mount after class, and we printed our typo designs in A3!! sooooo the besar!!! macamana nak color???!!!

we went to Popular tday...to get MORE art supplies!! bought orange, black, white color...den bought marker too!!! wahhh...so much !!! so expensive!!! i brought 27 bucks to class tday..went home with 2 bucks!!! sakit hati!!!

walked home when i reached the train station coz mom wasn't at home...reached the hse all sweaty n exhausted!! went upstairs, locked the door...took off my jeans, took off my shirt and sat in front of the pc!!! wahahah...and here i am... *grins* (wat??!! hot ma!!!)

neways...gotta go back to work!!!

::enigma::

fuuuhhh!!

whoa....overloaded work to do now!!!!
1) typo thumbnails
2) 2&3d ass
3)orang illustration
4) self promo posters (anyone wanna buy a caryn?)

but b4 tat, let me indulge in telling u guys how nice my uncle's new hse is!! wahahahh..its been bugging me..yea....

ready?
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MY GAWD!!! did u see my uncle's hse??? gosh!!! its huge!!! its beautiful...its nice...love the deco..!!

i've been running around the hse taking pix at the moment i reached the hse!! did u c the toilets?? the open air bath!!! the stone paved bathrooms!!! the tub!! whoa!!!

the the reading area by the waterfalls!!!!! argh!!!!!!!! i loveee it!!

i've always wanted tat sort of deco..the whole natural look...
i've always wanted a home which i can hear the water flowing...*not open tap in toilet type k?* and i've always wanted a big space for my dogs...
i've always wanted a gazebo area outside where i can read...enjoying the night's breeze n peace n quiet...
water, wind...jus nature n me....
thats wat i wan...






coz its all in my head
i tink about it over n over again
i keep replaying it over n over again

when will u leave me alone?
i dowan the memorise
i dowan the pain
i dowanne b reminded how nad u hurt me last time
i dowanna remember how u lied to me last time

because of u
i cant make myself trust ppl
because of u
i cant let myself out in the open...

my uncle's new hse!!