balance

i realised after high school life maining a balance is really really really really hard.
i mean its difficult to maintain a mental balance between work, studies, family, friends and above all some "me-time"...

c'mon... tell me i'm not the only one.
i wake up, do my work... eat... drive to class...have lunch...more class... come home... do more work... and my "body battery" is sure to be empty by midnight.
i hardly *scratch that* rarely see my friends...
talking to my family is even harder...
dont even wanna start on the "quality me time"...

i always start off maintaining the balance...
and slowly edging off the scale a few months down the road.
yikes....
den i go all stressed out... lack of sleep... and go whacko!
wahahahha...

yeaa... it happens every few months.

recently, after realising "ITS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!!!"...
i started goin back to temple...dharma classes.
involve in camp stuff...
so... yea..
i may be tired (physically) coz theres more to do...
but it does keep my perspective right...
being with the bunch of dharma friends help keep my brain working properly and mentally SANE...
:)

i guess its time like tis you turn to find the very essence of life itself.
living for myself.
guess i'll always be happier tat way.
*grins*

i may nt be a know it all when it comes to buddhism or the theory of it...
but i'm glad to know... i know the direction of it and the "main points"...
winks.

regards,
caryn

life.

i seriously hate it when i'm alone with my dhamma teacher.
like ALONE.
she's a counsellor u see.
for troubled teens and troubled everything.
and when i'm with her.
she'll always "so, how u've been?"
then she'll psycho analyse me and everything.
after like a while,
you'll tend to blurt out everything.
IN THE END, you always end up crying buckets la...
-.-"

issues.
self values.
life itself.

yeaa... i'm starting to feel like my life is sooooo messed up right now.
doin things i shouldnt be doin...
like watching csi.
not doin things i should be doin...
HOME WORK!!!

staring at 4 walls...
emo-ing...
busying...
but nt wit homework!
wtf?!
ish...

quote
its time you cared more of urself then others.
how can other people love u.
when u cant even appreciate and love urself?
its never a sin to give yourself a pat on the back once in a while.
espeacially when u deserve it.
unquote

i realised I cant be selfish.
i'm a nice person.
a little bit too nice.
almost seem fake.
naive or stupid.
i dunno.
but i seem to be bumping into too many walls recently.
it hurts...
badly.

listening to this new addition to my playlist recently...
other than simple plan and sum41.
i'm a huge fan btw.
wounded
by good charlotte.
its a good song.
not a new song.
but timeless la.
good charlottes song.

anyHOOOoo...
it seems like everytime i feel lost..
or starting to feel lost..
i'll always turn back to the temple.
start goin back for classes.
doin more dhamma work.
i dunno.
adds in the workload. :/
but..
it does give me some balance.
"life" wise...

soo...
CAMP 015.
its from24th may to 28thmay...
for TEENS from 15-20years old...mind u.
and you gotta tao bahasa cina ya sayang.
i'll post up the poster soon.

it'll be fun.
too bad i cant join.
coz i'll be having my internship.
WHICH i belum dapat cari...
mati looooo...

yehyeh nt feeling well after goin to singapore to see my cousins and his great grandson.
haih.
should be fine.
will see him soon.


pretty random tday.
realised my life is pretty packed.
of work and work and more work.
hmm..
i see less of my friends and everyone else.
:(

so...
if ur feeling exxxtra generous and feel like cheering someone up.
CALL ME!!!!

wahahah..
tooodles.

desperate!!!

haisyoooo~
i'm still looking for my job for internship la....
pengsan~

susah la..no body wanna hire me!
swts!

anyway, recently very busy!
temple prefects having their camp on may24-may28.
i'm suppose to be working liao then...
but i see they so busy.
so ma try to help when i can lo...

i tolong they all design t-shirt.
pengsan...
my work sendiri oso belum do.
(kick my own buntut shj)

MEDIA LAW aaaaaaaaaaa....
i tao tia a!!!!

must do...
do dod do...
doin la!!!!!!!!!!
half way ma~~~

-3niGma-

friends....

have not been really productive this weekend.
(work wise)
sent out a gazillion CV's / resumes for internship...
haven't had any returns yet tho~
only saatchi n saatchi replied. nt a confirmed reply too...
i'm worried.

but that aside.
i had a blast with my high school group during the weekends!!!
:)
i have nt seen them in ages!!!!
our self named bunch of whackos called "cartoonz"!!

since my dear "lui lui"/daughter/siew kuan so geng,
she got 2A and 2A- for stpm.
so we, the cartoonz (5-1) coz wishan couldn't make it, belanja-ed her for ktv session at red box on sunday.
the suppose to be 2-5pm ktv session became a 2pm-7pm 5HOUR session because no one actually shooo-ed us out!
*blushed*
so we jus went on and on and on and on...
teehee...

after that...
we jalan jalan abit...
and siew kuan belanja-ed us back for dinner...
we makan-ed at TGI Fridays...
wahahahhahahahah...

it was awesome la...
miss hanging out with em...
we makan-ed and drank...
munpui went pink!!
wahahah...
after that...we all went back...

siew kuan and munpui follow-ed me back...
and we watched "Perfume" together gether with a HUGE pot of chinese tea...
the whole fiasco finished at around 1am...

the very nex day,
i picked up siew kuan for dinner.
coz mama promised to bring her makan big big.
hmmm...
where to bring her ler???
in the end,
brought her to Rick's Cafe at One Bangsar.

it was a great place la..
love the place.

phew!
tiring night..
shit! media law belum buat!
nitez!!!

-3niGma-

think think

so many things running in my brain yet i cant seem to be able to resolve it.

quote

it feels like everyone in the world is trying to trample me.

and it's like i'm supoose to *battle* it out....

i have to keep telling my self.

I AM CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION!!!

unquote

tat about explains everything la...

anyhoo...

congrats siewkuan for her 2A 2A- in her stpm...

my darling sayang lui lui memang so geng...

hor...???

akakak...

but besides tat.

i have my public relations exam tml.

and i have media law on thurs...

a defamation (fitnah) case to analyse and report about.

i have a final proposal for research methodology due thurs too.

hw fun~

and me obligation to the college (scholarship work) isnt done yet.

hmmmm...

i still have nt written my resume...

i have not found an intern company.

jior...

lagging nye...

updates on some work.

last 2 weeks advertising photography (watches)

tday's advertising photography (jewelery)

too much to handle

t.m.t.h

too.much.to.handle.

sorry. nt a fan of danny from american idol but... tat phrase is catchy.

sometimes i dun wan u to agree simply to satisfy me...

dun u see my point of view?

stop trying to control... YOU try being me for 1 day~

y cant u jus try to understand?

saw tat from a friend's situation tday.

sometimes.

coping is hard.

espeacially when everything is upside down at this moment.

work lagging.

people...frustrating.

irresponsible people..... simple mind boggling... nt to mention annoying.

sometimes, it works trying to be neutral.

jus chill.

clear ur mind.

take a step back n try to see the bigger pic.

i know....easier said than done.

but that's how it should be...

IDEALLY....

ish...

the problem with you is....

you care too much...

y must everything be your prob?

y must every other thing be so important?

sometimes, you should jus LEARN TO LET GO...

screw "consequences"...

no more "but......"

i realised i'm jus too good of a person for my own good.

people step on me again and again and again.

and the stupid thing is... I LET THEM BE!!

and I NEVER LEARNT...

people are selfish.

thats a fact i'll never learn to accept.

quote mandy.

they care about nothing else except for themsleves.

then...? wat bout me?

where do i come in?

i'm sick of being manipulated and used.

i'm sick of being cheated and conned.

i'm sick of being the-ever ready-standby-girl.

i'm always the sick pathetic loser that ends up doing last minute unfinished business..

and they arent even MY business...!!!

i was never an optimistic person.

i'm never the one wearing the yellow hat.

i'm more of a black or red hat person...

black as in i'll always be troubleshooting EVERYTHING... i worry too much.

red as in i'll get really emotional and then i wouldn't be rational or sane anymore.

i dun tink ...

smoking or drinking or clubbing or shisha-ing will help keep me in line...

so the question is:

how can you continue hoping for the better when every other people are jus plain evil, manipulative and mean?

how can you keep being optimistic when all u can see is darkness?

how can you continue believing that mayb someday...things will change?

will it?

or will u turn to be as sour, as selfish as the world is now?

simply because "they forced you into it"?

where do u find your direction....

i refuse to be the evil people.

yet this world....

its excruciating to bear with.

i feel like drilling through their thick skulls and peek into their brain...

wondering...

how in the world do they operate?!!!

how am i to keep myself sane?

insanity mayb the best choice...

-3niGma-

multiply meeeeeeeeeeee

i've recently started using multiply to store my photos...
so...
its www.carynyeo4.multiply.com
wishan...the cny photos are theren too...

:: innocence ::

remember those days when the world was much more simpler?

how we use to run n play...

under the sun...

we dun worry bout losing anything..

at that time..

it seems like the sky is the limit...

why is it that as we grow older...

we seem to get more lonelier?

new obssesion~

recently came across this web link...
i was hooked on immediatly...

www.deviantart.com

its a online community which features artworks....
from photography to portraits to drawing...
simply love it...

the stuffs featured do have an edge tho...
they're with atitude...
personality...
some are rather eccentric...
some are jus emo...

but they do have their own perspective...

i dunno...
i like it...

i actually am interested in photography...
altho it isnt my major....
sumhow its a way to show the world from ur point of view...
ppl will find me taking pics of all sorts of stuff...
from trees to shadows to shoes...anything...

unfortunately, i dun seem to have the $$ or patience to brush up my photo skills...
hmmmm...

::hiding::

sometimes u just feel like hiding...
hoping that the world would just pass u by...


i simply cant tell ppl...

i dont care...


just go away....


leave me alone....

cant i?

i wish i could...





oh well...
updates...
more like downdates...

i've fall sick again...
flu...
sore throat...
fever....
phelgm...


worst of all...
my athsma is back...
i have to use the nebulizer machine for 6 days...

dads worried...
he says tat if i dun take care of my asthma, i'll end up like my amah...
:(
amah died of lungs failure...
she had asthma....
dad tinks its one of it reason her lungs started to fail...

she relied on the nebulizer so constantly toward the end of her days...
like everyday...every 4-6 hours...


bye...
mao tidur

sunday...today...

i've spent my whole day fixing up "MY NEW ROOM"
yup...i have my very own room now...
i've actualy moved in last week...
but there was no bed...-.-"
but as of last night...
the room is complete. the i spent the evening watching this....

raise your voice

although i'm never a fan of hillary duff...

never is... never was...

but this movie is good...

sceptical about HD's ability and talent to sing and act...

nonetheess...i like the storyline...

it may be cliche as to say...

"chase your dreams no matter wat"concept...

typical...

nthg much to "wow!" about...

but its ok...

but....

a cute, charming musical inclined english boi with adorable british accent wouldn't harm it.

did i say charming?! *grins*

the rugged not-so-bad-looking-himself lec is definately a plus point...

the LA locations were beautiful too.... sunrise...sunsets...the beach... the city...whoa...

AARRGGHH....!!!

its a good show about chasing your dreams despite wat others might say....

which happen to be at a musical school which is filled with good looking ppl....

kapish??!

whirlwind

nerd:
sometimes i feel like we've difted apart.
i cant tell u " i understand wat u r goin thru" becoz i'm sure thats an understatement.
i have no idea wat u are goin thru.
but i'm sure that u will hold on and be strong for each other.
u all will survive it...
wat ever happens... if u ever need to talk in the middle of the nite...
when ur staring at ur 4 green walls...

u can always msg / call me k?
i'm not sure what i can say to make u feel better..
but i promise i'll be there to listen...
:)

prado!!!
i hope u know that this is for u ya....
how u've been doin...
really miss u k?
do take care...
msg me too...
assignment stressed out nights arent the same witout u...
ur my fighting kawan...
*hugs!

ah teh:
heck, i'm nt even sure if u read my blog anymore.
but... hope ur doin fine over at aussie ok?
i'll miss u....
rmb-ing the days when we use to have the same hair style...
how we use to call each other "brother!"
GOSH...
I'LL MISS THOSE TIMES...
gossiping with u last time...
lepaking a the back of the class...
pls jaga urself k?
u noe i miss u...
wished i could've said goodbye...



so many things happing to me recently...
its been an emotional week...
my own health at stake...
my problems are back again...
so i'm back on medication liao...
sad...
i suddenly realised that so many of my frens are leaving already...
some already left...
gosh...
i saddens me suddenly...
sumhow i regreted nt spending more time on them...
how we jus drifted apart tears my heart into a million pieces...

sad...

watever we sow we reap...
take care ya...

cny visiting with the cartoons!

Chinese New Year 08

cartoonz visiting

1st stop

mandy's hse2nd stop

wishan's place

after that...

siewkuan's rumah lastly,

my hse....

.....

....

.....

its amazing how i've known them for the 8th year already...

nostalgic really...

my besties since SMK Tengku Ampuan Rahimah days...

wishan

siewkuan&mandy...

hugs!!!

tengok muka dia~ cartoon nye~~

mandy!!

wishan again..

its amazing...

thru the years...

we fought...

we argued...

we worked together...

we cried...

we drifted apart...

we changed...

i guess everyone does...

its hard to let go....

but i guess it is alright to let go...

not to lose grip on our friendship...

but to stop comparing everything to wat use tobe...

we changed...

we moved on..

we have our diff lives...

our diff cliques...

wat matters now....

is that we still have each other...

valentines'08

leo had an valentines project..
we sold cupcakes...
roses...
song dedication...

speaking of valentines...

i have brand new crocs...
please ignore the fact that they are pink ya...
swts...


my dearest tz went to hunt for me...
kesian the fella la...
he dun even like crocs...
and he spent like an hour at the shop choosing for me...
:)

see??? i take picture oso he wanna jion...
tak puas...

nt bad ma..cute wert...

akakka...

paiseh...

i syok sendiri....

cloud9.

yen

shrinking circle

happy chinese new year


why this year angpao macam tak cukup?


haih...

i miss my friends...


napek! wat happen to all my guy friends???!!!



ish.... brudder konon.... all my macho macho guy friends lari liao!!!
*may need to find new ones...*


i'm worried bout my yehyeh....


i hate goodbyes....
*henry..... will miss u like shit la...*
no more lala cheesecake seefuu~


haih....


valentines is around me corner....


why am i worried again???



naaah... he's working... i wont be seeing him la....



gosh i hate leo drama~~~




y must ppl always be sooooooooo frustrating??


nt like i step on their tail oso....
*u where pain now???? quit bugging me!!!*


all these last minute preparation....
ppl expect u to always be on "standby" mode....


haih...



LEO's having a charity event soon...
in march....
it'll be at taylors....



do come...




i helped....




gosh...


random ramblings...


i cant sleep again.....



ish.....




nites....

advertising photography

my class mates...well..part of em~

allie with her product...

piggie allie snorkling~

colourfulnye~

in the end...we figured that allies product sooooo interesting...
we all took a shot at it! *grins*

darrell...pronye~

my shot...

my own product shooting..


lazy~ *photo from darrell.* looks like i'm hiding under the table or smthg.


advertising photography

• one of the few classes you can have liying down in the aircond studio or snuggled in the couch.
• its an interesting class...
• i get to take off my shoess and run around barefoot too!!!

• me likey...