hmmm... intimacy issue...

how to u know when its the end of a relationship?

it's odd how a relationship deteriorates. how a realationship turns bad.
some ppl blame it on the lack of intimacy. but me? frankly, if it
would've happen, i would blame it on intimacy itself.

no worries, for those who knew me n the relationship tats goin on in
my life. because NOTHING IS WRONG. ppl like me. i tend to think
alot. and i do not noe y. mayb i jus have too much brain juice in my
brain and i think of nonsense all the time.

because a fren called me tday and she said tat she's "losing it". curious,
i asked y. bad move. she claim tat "it isnt the same anymore".so yea,
she blames tat the fact tat they hardly "spend time with each other" so
the relationship goes down the drains. and that gt me pondering n
thinking. is it really so?

next thing tat pops in my mind: am i weird?

coz i do have an intimacy issue. yes, i have a problem wit "being close". i
really do. when i was in lower secondary, i'll end the relationship at the
point when the bf tries to kiss me. later it was the "will u come over to
my hse tday?" line, once the bf pops tat question, it's a straight away
goodbye. and i've been thinking for days n weeks. WHY? and i think i
figured it out.

sumhow or sumway, i tend to link intimacy wit the fact tat ppl are
shallow. shallow as in they only see wat is outside. i've always been
chubby, and ppl say eventho i am nt "gorgeous", i can turn heads. and i
dun like it.i dun like it tat somtimes ppl look at my breast when i'm
talking to them. and i dun like ass grabbing bastards too.

jack-ass boyfriends could be the main cause tat i'm nt comfortable wit
the whole issue. why the hell must guys objectify gurls? i may nt be
pretty but i do noe tat beauty can have brains too. i hate the fact tat
jackass idiots use to discuss wat bra gurls were wearing during gym
class. and i'm sick of the fact tat ppl try their luck wit gurls like me,
coz we seem "easy". do i in any way look like a slut to u? baby-T's and
short pants doesnt necessarily means a bitch okay?

--This is for my girls all around the world
who have came across a man that dont respect your worth
thinking all women should be not heard
so what do we do girls? shout out loud!
letting 'em kno were gonna stand our ground
soo lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
take a deep breath and say it loud!
never can, never will
cant hold us down!-- christina aguilera(hold us down)

i hate guys like tat, i hate guys tat act like they're sensitive and sweet.
but in the end, its jus to get u in bed. tats jus sick dude. fact is, guys
are guys. and they'll always be. no offence to the make readers ya. i
have a fren tat's bf never kissed her b4. and they're as close as ever.
frankly, my deepest respect to them.

deep down i guess i believed tat the only way for a real relationship to
work, is not to depend too much on intimacy. tats y i run out of every
relationship when it gets "serious". i tend to be attracted to a relationship
witout so much intimacy. i would rather be in a relationship where i can
jus go his hse n fall asleep in his bed witout worrying wat would he do.
i would rather be in a relationship where we would talk n go out instead of
making out.

sbb says i'm into the "platonic love".... and i tink so too. Can two friends
sleep together and still love each other in the morning? tats the tagline
for a very good old show. When Harry Met Sally. the show was out during
1989. and its a very good show.

so the question : does sex interfere wit love?

my answer is.... i think it makes love less meaningfull. somehow i'm afraid
tat it makes ppl forget whats more important. satisfying ur own need or
wat the person u love really need??


i talk too much...
mayb u dun get me...
dun worry..
nt alot of ppl do.

-3niGma-