Saturday, September 30

tday.....

tday was..... INTERESTING...
weird word to describe my day...but here is how it goes...

~scary~
tday, was the long awaited day of my blood test....dun panic guys...its jus a regular test for the sake of knowing hows my recent health state... the normal tests were..well.... NORMAL... but the bllod testing part was weirdly excruciating painfull..dunno y..mayb its coz they took THREE tuibs of samples...i dunno...weird.... was abit light headed tday due to the 12 hours fasting pre testing... it would've been okay if i hadnt stayed awake till 4am trying to finish the LEO backdrop stuff...AND staying awake means i WILL get hungry...unlike my normal days where i'll jus sleep em off...

~shweeeet~
TZ was abit worried coz i rarely get dizzy during blood tests...so he took the day off to send me to college coz i had to do my LEO backdrop... n u noe wat? i got to eat homemade breakfast! he cooked!! he freaking cooked!! its kinda weird...i typical rich brat cooking sausages....but...heck..i got nice warm breakfast!! so the sweet...*awwwww...so yea.... the whole freaking day he's been doin my work..doin the poly... painting...complainin tat i cant cut straight....so yea...more reasons for him to do MORE work.... wahahahah...*dun critic my work!!i very the biased wan!!! learnt it from aM3!!*

~shiOOOT!!~
my moto left me again....!! *sob sob* stewpid me..i left my new moto on the chair tday n sum stewpid idiot took it!!!! boohoo....1st my phone drown....den the nex wan ran away wit sum b*stard!!! sad sad...guilty to...coz he gav it to me...luckily he din say anything much...or else i would've jus broke down n cry!!! so the stressed!!! n yet another phone gave up on me!!!! *boohoooo...*

~busy~
LEO backdrop took me whole freaking day...so the tired!! cut this...cut that....wahaha...but aM3 , sB, Y....they help sooooooo much...so the sweet n adorable....!! really lourve em.... muacksssss!!! sB was siao as usual...cheeky n laughing all the way...she's uber manjafied wey...akakak...but its kinda cute ler...wahahah siao char bossss! Y was thoughfull as usual... had everything planned n all ready...wats missing?? MEMBERS!!! wahahahha...but it'll still rock...no worries bout tat!! muacks Y!! aM3...ooooo i'm starting to like her new look more n more... *sizzle* akakka....she single handedly arrange all my fonts on the layout.... so the proud!!! muackssss!!! hugs....*loves...! ML help to paint..she's soooo adorable.... the fact tat she helped eventho she wasnt really into painting is really sweet....*hugs

~proud~
the layout looks mighty fine!!! too bad my phone left me or i would've have a pix of it... the bright colored fonts...the cute arrangements.... the achor...the pelampung.... wahahaha...even the weird looking so-called-windows looks cute... akaka...*shrugs! awfully proud....

~shocked~
u noe wat..i fainted tday... not like pengsan habis la... like blackout suddenly lo... i was in the emergency exit staircase area...wat was i doin there?? spray painting my achor!! wahahah.... buthen i suddely jus blacked out....!!! i dunno y!!! sumore i was at the edge of the staircase.... luckily TZ caught me...if nt i would've rolled down the stairs!!! u noe wat? mayb i really aint tat strong..i always tot a few sleepless night would'nt harm... but i tinking its catching up on me now... i dunno y...my back hurts... my leg swells...its jus weird....

~melts~
how did my day end? despite the stewpid b*stard that took my phone... which still bugged me till i was on my way home....!! it was goood....WHYYYYY? coz........ i have the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL cd!!! double cd... posters inside...*melts* ifor those who know me.... i was...AM STILL on a high school musical craze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n he bought me the cd... FYI... he dun even see english shows!!!!!!!!!! argh....*melts*









 
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Tuesday, September 26

wahahahah...tribute to kxin!!

thx to kxin..i'm hooked to tis video...despite the flirtatious dancing n tat its paris hilton...i love the whole storyline...especially the ending...!!!

*psst..n the bully in the video is hottttttttt!!!!*
*drools....
wahahahhah


 
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Monday, September 25

emo-less...or less emo..wakakak

wahahah...sowee bout the emo emo posts...had me quite worked up for a few pretty long days.....i solemmly apologise to whoever that had to witness it...



aM3, sowee ya...din reply ur msg...knew u would've hated it...but i was kinda in a "alone time" mode...soweeeeeeee!!! muackssss!!!

cz, SOWEE! akakka...had to spoil ur day ya...sorry lo... the whole crying in the car thing...sorry ya...dun la u oso emo wit me!!*hugsss

A, sorry o...mamak...at MODERN!! din really wanna go...sorry sorry...nex time k??? tell john n xlvin n karthik n gf sorry too ya... *huggies...



anyhoo...updates!!


mid autumm fest... kinda a mess!! wahahha..screwed up kau kau... buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!! so many pleasant suprises wey...!!TZ came despite having to work.. he came after tat la... jus abit the shocked coz he said he couldnt make it... 
L2, u came!!i tot u wouldnt coz so short notice...love it when u do tat... so the cute... follow me everywhere, carry my bag.... ICE CREAM!! woots!! love u babe!! mwwaahhh!!!kor, u've done so much for me...so the sayang me sumore!! tq tq!! wouldnt noe wat wouldve became of me if ur not there all this while!!
but the whole event emofied me kau kau..as i got a serious headache from the booming pa system (i stood beside the HUGE speaker thru out the whole event), n the flashing spotlights which gav me stabbing blackouts!! i couldnt see a thing coz i have serious astigmatism... bummer...n the whole event was messy... frankly, i was abit dissapointed of myself..i couldve done better...but.... i kinda screwed up...thinking bout all of this, i ended up tearing in the car...i was the last one to leave too... CZ was waiting for me in his car..poor guy..i kinda freaked him out!!! sorry ya...

sunday was normal as i went to temple for class as usual...but the afternoon was a blast!!went out wit L2!! we went to pyramid for a movie...woooo...my super ex girlfriend... ok ok show la... hilarious tho...akakka...laugh all the emoness out of me... the journey there was nice...it nice being around him...we talk crap...we play crap...the poor stuffed cow in L2's car was a mess when i was thru wit him!! ahahha...i stuffed him up the handle or the car door...played boxing wit it...woot!! uber childish but super fun!!!
i went out again in the evening...(it was a bz day)...akakaka...i went out coz i had a feeling TZ had a rough day... i dunno y..it jus felt tat way..his "i'm smiling but i'm nt tat happy" mood... his msg-es actually was how i sensed he wasnt happy...tho they seemed fine...but it jus doesnt sound right.. so yea..i went to see him after his work which is at 10...he kinda gave me the "y r u here??!! but i'm glad ur here look"...aakakka...jus sum weird facial expression la... drove to his place, he parked his car n hopped on to mine...n we went for a drink...turns out i was right!!! he did have a bad day...hmm... i'm phycic!! we talked... i mean..he talked... n i had to send him home coz it was getting pretty late... so i dropped him at his place... and... his dad saw me!! altho the dad sees me n him loads of time..in the temple, events, sumtimes at his place.. 
but this time its diff.... (one) coz its 11.15pm... (two) we're alone... (three)...tat i oso have no idea... but he gave us a weird look... nex thing u noe, i was sitting in their living room... wit tz beside me... staring at his parents whom btw are abit the speechless....*this is crap!*
THEN!!!!! the dad started laughing... n he told tz's mom.... "i told u so..dun believe me!told u d lo...sooner or later wan la..." den he pulled mom upstairs...saying dat they have sum "unfinished score to settle"...
tz n me...we jus laughed our heads off!!! wat a day...
wat a day...

spent my whole day tday settling the back drop for leo... anyone wit extra poly cutter??mine gonna die liao!!! help needed S.O.S!!!

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Thursday, September 21

:boxes

i have a lot of boxes in my room... 
yea...boxes... all shape n sizes...fancy ones n big TV boxes...i have it all... 
n inside em are all my emo memories... yea..u heard me... i keep my memories... EVERYTHING...
down to the lil piece of tissue u gave me.... n the lil shreds of wrapping paper... every string... every cut out...lil notes...everything....letters... tear washed cards... everything...

:letting go:
            :depressed:
         :missing the old days:
:regrets:         :sorrow:
            :feeling hollow:     :pain:
:pure emptiness: 
     :sad:         :tired:

yea... i guess tats about all the emotion n feeling running thru me den...

i sat at the corner last night... it was 2.30am... i jus woke up from crying after i came back from modern last night... i snugged down n dragged all the boxes out...
i took tis particular pink box out n i opened it... safely tucked inside was our stuff... things from form1... when we 1st met... u were my 1st fren at the temple. u were the one tat talked to me 1st... it feels odd being in a new enviroment... tho we weren't from the same school...we had so much in common... i took a piece of half done knitting... i chuckled abit... i can still remember teaching u how to knit during the holidays... u wanted to make a scarf for him... so i wanted to teach u... it wasnt done tho... coz he broke ur heart..i remember those long midnight phone calls when i couldnt even make out wat u were wailing about... after that...u made me a handkechief...but u din finish tat too coz i din teach u how to end the knots... i wiped off the tears tat was compiling around my eye... i hate this... i folded the handkerchief carfully as if it was made of glass... n there i saw it.. the note... it was the last thing tat i received form u... i read it again n again...i can fell your pain n ur anger in it... "bitch... how could u?" how could i wat? babe..i din do anything..... "u noe how much i love him... u noe..how could u do this to me?" i noe how much u felt from him..tats why i even tried to patch things up..i know about his affairs... i was trying to stop him. "i hate u! i shudnt have trusted you!! you're nthg but a back stabbing bitch!" tears were flowing uncontrollably now... i couldnt stop it... i hate it... i quickly shuved the boxes back in...

at the verge of breaking down, i caught a glimsp of that lil orange box....oh crap..nt this wan...

i carefully pulled the string like ribbon of the box... it was the ribbon he gave me to tie my hair in form3... i still dunno wat the string was actually coz he jus pulled it out from his bag... but it meant smthg...inside...at the top of the pile, was a blood stained hanky..gross huh? the blood on it...it was mine... i fell down n stepped on glass... he piggy backed me all the way down 2 floors to help me...
we've always been close.. but there's smthg in tat moment... his face, his eyes, n he was freaking fierce too... he yelled at me when i insisted tat i can walk down to get the medic... without asking, he picked me up n brought me down... i've never seen him so angry...and so.... so worried... he din say a word after tat.... no a single word... he held my foot down while he try to get the glass out... his expression... its almost like...like ...he was hurt too.... i've never seen him so frustrated b4...never... he told me he dowanne see me get hurt... he doesnt know why...but he jus dowanna see me hurt... i knew he cared...but nt tat much... we've been best frens ever since...

tats it, i closed the box... n i picked up the phone... n i miss called him...
he msged me back immeadiately "babe, still awake? very late liao ooo..."
and i jus replied him 4 words " i saw her tday..."
and he called me back...

i poured everything out...EVERYTHING...he actually already knows most of it coz he was also in our clique... but he still listened... i needed to let it all out... i needed someone tat understands wat i'm goin thru...i needed someone tat understood me... i needed him...
we talked till the sun was up this mornin n he had to go to work... i felt kinda bad as he was really tired..
but he made heck some sense... *sighs*

 mayb i do have prob letting go... i'm still slinging on the the memories....he says tat i'll have the memories forever n so will she... its been 6 years and perhaps she aint gonna be nad at me forever... time will heal the wounds...den the scars would hurt tat bad... after tat mayb i'll get me chance to ease her scars...
but till den, i need to learn to let go...let it slide... he can see that i'm at the end of my line now... he can see tat i'm tired...emotionally... perhaps it is time to let go... give her space... mayb it is time tat i treat myself wit a lil more kindness...
he was right... i aint tat strong...no matter how hard i try to cover up...no matter how gud i am at acting strong...i'm craking... i cant live alone in this world...everyone needs sumebody... i was holding back my tears so badly... he said its okay to cry... even the strong one feel sad... 
i din wanna cry... tears are weaknesses...thats my theory...but he din think so... i will feel better if i cry n let it all out.. n i did... i cried...*again*.... but this time i din force my self to stop... its him... there's no need to act...there's no need to cover for he sees thru it all...

though of the day: i will treat myself better... give myself some pampering time...n let the rest flow...it isnt my way..but i will try to... one thing i noe for sure... i aint alone...

:3niGma: out
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a twist to a GREAT day...

this was suppose to be yesterday's post... i was so amped up to blog the 1st think i got home...but den the day jus went down hill....

200906
the day started abit slow as i woke up kinda late...i've been doin tat pretty often lately, especially after i pulled the 100 working non sleeping hours...muahahha....
ANYHOOOOO....
a holiday wit a bestie...its gotta be fun... see the color of this part? its dedicated to u!!
met up wit aM3 at coll at around 12.40pm...ehehe....wanted to go over for lunch...so the gangho...walking in summit...den i suddenly remembered i was on a vegetarian diet tat day!! * soweeeeeee!!!!* but aM3 was sweet enuf to makan wit me at a place she would normally jus smack me on my head!!! *hugs!!... we settled our working hours n we went n meet up wit Mr N... still tinking of changing dept...but...as they say the grass on the other side is greener,  but once we got over to the other side...it turns out to be almost the same... every dept has its issues...and i'm starting to tink mayb sticking to Mr N aint half that bad.... *hmmmphhhh..... scratch head* well..after that, we went for a movie!!!! woohoooo!!! you, me n dupree....erm... kinda let down tho...the show was kinda lame... had to lepak around for almost an hour for that show too.... but that din ruin the day...cuz the company was awesome!! we went to BCC for the sake of jus finding a place to rest our butts... aM3 ordered a scoop of ice cream... finished within half an hour..den we fiddled wit the melted ice cream leftovers later...*gross!! akaka..but still fun!!!* we're a weird bunch..i noe...but i still like it!!


went for dinner after the meeting wit the temple committee... the mid autumn festival event is on this sat... hmmmphhhh...emceeing again...i guess tats wat ppl do when they have  limited sources...they'll reuse u again n again n again n again n AGAIN..ahahha...but i aint whining... feels good to be able to help..tho i might screw it up agin..wahahahha....* oh well...*

when i was in secondary school...there's this mamak place where we use to all hang out... every tom dick and harry from klang noes bout this place...its in the middle of the ever popular street where there's around 5 tuition centres there!! MODERN....oh the memories... *sob sob*

i went over to Modern for dinner yesterday...i havent been there in more den 6 months... tot mayb it would be a pretty okay idea... i went upstairs coz it was pretty jampack below... as i was walking up, i heard a very fimiliar voice... jus as i went up, i saw THEM... 
i saw HIM... we use to have smthg... we use to be an item..i trusted u wit all my heart...actually believed tat it was all meant to be... after such a long time...it wasnt a fling..i really felt for u...
i end up being hurt... thrown away like a used tissue paper.... how was i suppose to bear wit the pain? and i saw HER... its ironic coz we use to be pretty close...not the really close n best frens...but we went pretty way back... she was the one i use to talk to...she was the one that use to gave me advices...
 how ironic was it? to find u wit him... i was quite taken aback when i was at his doorstep... i knocked on the door.. and there u were... wrapped in a towel... i tried to be the better one..i tried to stay strong..i smiled n i left...but the tears started to flow once i turned my back... i'll never forget that smugg expression u gave me... never...
i tried to be the strong gurl... i sat there n acted as tho nthg has ever happen between us... i smiled at dem..n i sat down... den she jus couldnt hide her smug.. she grinned from ear to ear as tho it was a battle n she won... *and she cant stop showing em winninf trophies too!* dun lie..i saw tat..i saw her face when she slipped her hands down his pocket... she was looking at me..taunting me even... *jeesshh!!!! and it really did get to my head!* i saw her eyes when she nibbled at his ear... and of course her ever so popular "dun la!!" giggle.... 
i snapped... but i din do anything..i went downstairs... ppl might tink tat i'm still in love wit him... no..its not jealosy for i'm very sure of that... i dun feel anything for him anymore...even if he jumped of the building... its was her tat i was pissed at... no... it wasnt jealousy, it was ANGER...

i went downstairs smiling...altho still abit pissed...but i was pround tat i din make a scene...so i went n sat downstairs... and there SHE was... i was stunned..its been 2 years since we last spoken... she sat there wit her bf... 
i din noe who... i stood in front of the shop for a pretty long time...mustering the courage to walk up to her...to tell her tat it was a misunderstanding... i wouldnt do anything to hurt her... 
*kinda ironic from the previous situation above huh? she tot i was after her bf coz we were pretty close...all 3 of us... 
but the guy was a jerk to start wit..turns out he was 3 timing her...* 
i walked in...lokking at her...she saw me too... i stared at her...searching for the same fimiliar sparkle in her eyes...yet i see nthg... blank... i stopped 1 table away from her.... hoping tat mayb she could jus smile at me... or even stand up... she did! she stood up... but she turned around n went behind to the washroom... i tot  this was it... after so many years, you'll finallly give me a chance to explain... my heart leaped...but it fell down a bottomless pit when u turned n walked out on me again...my heart ached ad tho it was sliced...6 years we've known each other...6 whole years of tears n laughs, screams n smiles... we would cling on to each other, we would tell each other secrets....6 years...doesnt it mean anything to you?
i sat by at the table near the entrance... no wanting to be too near to her in case i'll agitate her even more... she came out from the washroom furious...and told her bf " lets go...i dowanna eat already..." n she walked off....

and i jus sat there...

there's one thing bad about a ever popular hangout place is tat...u dun go there alone..ur always wit company..either frens n your significant other half... FYI...sitting there alone was excruciating... so i got up n walk back into the car.... once the door was locked n i put the key in..i couldnt even turn the key as tears were flowing down my cheeks... i couldnt stand it any longer...i din do anything wrong... how could my best fren status changed to bitch status in jus a week? all i did was stand by u guys when the times was rough... consoling u... talking to him..telling him to understand ur situation... eventho i knew he was a jerk..but u loved him so much...












wat a day...


:3niGma: out


























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Friday, September 15

finally...


its been a 100 hours... its been exactly 100 hours since my last naap on my bed... i'm tired... i'm in pain...my back ache.... * at 7.15pm, i've jus once again been thru the agony of adjusting my back into its original shape....* (groans)  
but at least...
i can safely say now that i've finished ALL my final assignments... muahahha...*moans**rubs back*

sleepless night 1 ... typo and advertising



sleepless night 2 ... playground assignment for 2&3D

   

sleepless night 3 ... A2 size illustration of minimum 20 colors for
 color n form



sleepless night 4 ... A3 size portrait using "hatching" technique for drawing fund



ITS FINALLY DONE!!!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHH...




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Saturday, September 9

bonkers!!

half way goin bonkers doin my posters and radio ads... at the verge of pulling my hairs all out!!!
...
...ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....y like this???? so hard!!! i cant do this!!! boohoo!!!...
*slams head onto the keyboard*
...
sigh...haihzzzz....
*phone beeps* sk msg-ed me... she comin over!!!
wahahahah....
she came to borrow my cheongsam for the school uniformed unit's "malam kebudayaan"...
i wanted to borrow her the pink wan n blue wan...coz i wanted to save the dark pink n black wan for LYD... she needs it for prom....
but my wonderful sis pinjamed the pink wan n blue wan to her fren...so sk went wit the black wan....
..... *oh well*...

it was fun having sk around...due to the "transparency" of the black cheongsam... we need to find another top n bottom for the cheongsam...
woot!!! psyco wey!! we were trying out the cheongsams wit various tops n pants...also skarfs becoz the cheongsam has no sleeves and its a sekolah menengah KEBANGSAAN lo...haha...psyco....
 muahahahha...of course we fooled around wit sk'd cam too!!! muahahahha...
*cough* camwhore*cough*
           
     
i like the wan wit the black skarf...sk thinks the red wans better...hmmmmm...
weird!!!
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Friday, September 8

wat am i to do?

sometimes... its jus plain irritating...
sometimes... its jus plain annoying...
sometimes... its jus plain frustrating...
sometimes... its jus nerve wrecking...
like now...
i wanna jus let it slide...
i wanna jus let it be...
i really wanted to jus accept it n move on...
i told dem... its liddat wan la... jus accept it la...theres nthg we can do wert..
but i cant.
i went home tat day...n i jus broke down n cried...
i cried till my pillow was soggy n my eyes were puffy...
y me? y now? y tday? y like this?
its been our word of the week recently...

i jus couldnt take it anymore...
i'm tired... i'm depressed....
d workload is killing me...
i stare blankly at the com for days...wit nthg in my mind...
is it the stress? is it the tension?
my ideas are running dry...
time is running out...
i see people passing up their work which i haven even started upon...
how can this be?
this isnt like me...
y is this happening?

crying in my room...
tats wat i do best nowadays...
my mom tells me...wats wrong la? tell me la... wat oso u dowanna tell ur mother wan lo!!
n so i started to talk to her...
within 15 sec...she turns n starts talking to my sis...
tday hor... i made this n i brought to my frens to eat o!! they say very nice oo...
i jus stared at her in disbelieve...
n SHE says tat i dun listen??!!

who to talk to?
who to rant to?
who to scream to?
no one...
even the closer frens are starting to annoy me...
its nt tat i dun appreciate dem trying to "cheer me up"...
but it aint working...
so quit trying ur luck...
it'll jus make me sink lower...

this jus makes me sick..
but wat am i to do?



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Sunday, September 3

my work on display!!

COLOR n FORM 


cut out


shading n tinting

2D & 3D

back

front
flip flops

muaahhaha.... bangganye~!!
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