its weird that when i'm hooked on to smthg.
I'm HOOKED!
right now the craze is personality tests. =.="

i find this eerily true.
i realized i paused for a very long while when i was reading the "what am i most afraid of" part.
its so true.

try it!

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

i find it terrifying at times to realize how alone we actually are.
sometimes, i'll jump up in the middle of the night of a nightmare.
a nightmare that i was falling, and there was no one to catch me.
not a single soul.

there were nights, i believe i use to blog about them.
when i was down, i'd count my friends and ponder.....
if i were to die tday, how many of them would be sadden by the absence of me.

seriously, we all like to believe that we are important to someone.
but the fact that we are just like tiny, little particals floating around fears me.
i wanna know if i've made a difference in your life.
i want to live a life that meant something not to other people, but to me.

because when we die, we die alone.
and i would like to know that when i go, i did something that i'm proud of.
i would like to know that when i die, at least i've made some difference in someone's life.

i watched "yes man" today.
a jim carrey movie is always never a let down.
twas so entertaining and at some point inspiring.
carl said of being afraid, afraid that he wasn't good enough.
he said he was afraid that he did not have anything to give to the world.
then he realized there was sooooo much that he could give.
he just had to give it a try, by saying "yes, I'll try that!"

up to this point i realized that so many people do not like the way i do things.
up to this point i realized so many people had always said that i did not do enough.
its pretty ironic because the other half of the people thinks that i do too much.
some people think that i'm too good of a person, on the fact that i'll agree to do alot of things to help alot of people.
and most of them do not benefit me.
people call me naive & gullible on the fact that I still believe that deep down people are nice.
i still believe that helping ppl makes me happy and that i sincerely hoped that it would make a difference come day.

it is frustrating. to see that all these are just my imagination.
just like the movie. its all fictional, not true.
because at the end, it doesnt matter how much you do.
we're too tiny to make a difference.

i sincerely hope i've made a difference in your life.
even a small one.
i really hope so.