balance

i realised after high school life maining a balance is really really really really hard.
i mean its difficult to maintain a mental balance between work, studies, family, friends and above all some "me-time"...

c'mon... tell me i'm not the only one.
i wake up, do my work... eat... drive to class...have lunch...more class... come home... do more work... and my "body battery" is sure to be empty by midnight.
i hardly *scratch that* rarely see my friends...
talking to my family is even harder...
dont even wanna start on the "quality me time"...

i always start off maintaining the balance...
and slowly edging off the scale a few months down the road.
yikes....
den i go all stressed out... lack of sleep... and go whacko!
wahahahha...

yeaa... it happens every few months.

recently, after realising "ITS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!!!"...
i started goin back to temple...dharma classes.
involve in camp stuff...
so... yea..
i may be tired (physically) coz theres more to do...
but it does keep my perspective right...
being with the bunch of dharma friends help keep my brain working properly and mentally SANE...
:)

i guess its time like tis you turn to find the very essence of life itself.
living for myself.
guess i'll always be happier tat way.
*grins*

i may nt be a know it all when it comes to buddhism or the theory of it...
but i'm glad to know... i know the direction of it and the "main points"...
winks.

regards,
caryn

life.

i seriously hate it when i'm alone with my dhamma teacher.
like ALONE.
she's a counsellor u see.
for troubled teens and troubled everything.
and when i'm with her.
she'll always "so, how u've been?"
then she'll psycho analyse me and everything.
after like a while,
you'll tend to blurt out everything.
IN THE END, you always end up crying buckets la...
-.-"

issues.
self values.
life itself.

yeaa... i'm starting to feel like my life is sooooo messed up right now.
doin things i shouldnt be doin...
like watching csi.
not doin things i should be doin...
HOME WORK!!!

staring at 4 walls...
emo-ing...
busying...
but nt wit homework!
wtf?!
ish...

quote
its time you cared more of urself then others.
how can other people love u.
when u cant even appreciate and love urself?
its never a sin to give yourself a pat on the back once in a while.
espeacially when u deserve it.
unquote

i realised I cant be selfish.
i'm a nice person.
a little bit too nice.
almost seem fake.
naive or stupid.
i dunno.
but i seem to be bumping into too many walls recently.
it hurts...
badly.

listening to this new addition to my playlist recently...
other than simple plan and sum41.
i'm a huge fan btw.
wounded
by good charlotte.
its a good song.
not a new song.
but timeless la.
good charlottes song.

anyHOOOoo...
it seems like everytime i feel lost..
or starting to feel lost..
i'll always turn back to the temple.
start goin back for classes.
doin more dhamma work.
i dunno.
adds in the workload. :/
but..
it does give me some balance.
"life" wise...

soo...
CAMP 015.
its from24th may to 28thmay...
for TEENS from 15-20years old...mind u.
and you gotta tao bahasa cina ya sayang.
i'll post up the poster soon.

it'll be fun.
too bad i cant join.
coz i'll be having my internship.
WHICH i belum dapat cari...
mati looooo...

yehyeh nt feeling well after goin to singapore to see my cousins and his great grandson.
haih.
should be fine.
will see him soon.


pretty random tday.
realised my life is pretty packed.
of work and work and more work.
hmm..
i see less of my friends and everyone else.
:(

so...
if ur feeling exxxtra generous and feel like cheering someone up.
CALL ME!!!!

wahahah..
tooodles.

desperate!!!

haisyoooo~
i'm still looking for my job for internship la....
pengsan~

susah la..no body wanna hire me!
swts!

anyway, recently very busy!
temple prefects having their camp on may24-may28.
i'm suppose to be working liao then...
but i see they so busy.
so ma try to help when i can lo...

i tolong they all design t-shirt.
pengsan...
my work sendiri oso belum do.
(kick my own buntut shj)

MEDIA LAW aaaaaaaaaaa....
i tao tia a!!!!

must do...
do dod do...
doin la!!!!!!!!!!
half way ma~~~

-3niGma-

friends....

have not been really productive this weekend.
(work wise)
sent out a gazillion CV's / resumes for internship...
haven't had any returns yet tho~
only saatchi n saatchi replied. nt a confirmed reply too...
i'm worried.

but that aside.
i had a blast with my high school group during the weekends!!!
:)
i have nt seen them in ages!!!!
our self named bunch of whackos called "cartoonz"!!

since my dear "lui lui"/daughter/siew kuan so geng,
she got 2A and 2A- for stpm.
so we, the cartoonz (5-1) coz wishan couldn't make it, belanja-ed her for ktv session at red box on sunday.
the suppose to be 2-5pm ktv session became a 2pm-7pm 5HOUR session because no one actually shooo-ed us out!
*blushed*
so we jus went on and on and on and on...
teehee...

after that...
we jalan jalan abit...
and siew kuan belanja-ed us back for dinner...
we makan-ed at TGI Fridays...
wahahahhahahahah...

it was awesome la...
miss hanging out with em...
we makan-ed and drank...
munpui went pink!!
wahahah...
after that...we all went back...

siew kuan and munpui follow-ed me back...
and we watched "Perfume" together gether with a HUGE pot of chinese tea...
the whole fiasco finished at around 1am...

the very nex day,
i picked up siew kuan for dinner.
coz mama promised to bring her makan big big.
hmmm...
where to bring her ler???
in the end,
brought her to Rick's Cafe at One Bangsar.

it was a great place la..
love the place.

phew!
tiring night..
shit! media law belum buat!
nitez!!!

-3niGma-

think think

so many things running in my brain yet i cant seem to be able to resolve it.

quote

it feels like everyone in the world is trying to trample me.

and it's like i'm supoose to *battle* it out....

i have to keep telling my self.

I AM CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION!!!

unquote

tat about explains everything la...

anyhoo...

congrats siewkuan for her 2A 2A- in her stpm...

my darling sayang lui lui memang so geng...

hor...???

akakak...

but besides tat.

i have my public relations exam tml.

and i have media law on thurs...

a defamation (fitnah) case to analyse and report about.

i have a final proposal for research methodology due thurs too.

hw fun~

and me obligation to the college (scholarship work) isnt done yet.

hmmmm...

i still have nt written my resume...

i have not found an intern company.

jior...

lagging nye...

updates on some work.

last 2 weeks advertising photography (watches)

tday's advertising photography (jewelery)

too much to handle

t.m.t.h

too.much.to.handle.

sorry. nt a fan of danny from american idol but... tat phrase is catchy.

sometimes i dun wan u to agree simply to satisfy me...

dun u see my point of view?

stop trying to control... YOU try being me for 1 day~

y cant u jus try to understand?

saw tat from a friend's situation tday.

sometimes.

coping is hard.

espeacially when everything is upside down at this moment.

work lagging.

people...frustrating.

irresponsible people..... simple mind boggling... nt to mention annoying.

sometimes, it works trying to be neutral.

jus chill.

clear ur mind.

take a step back n try to see the bigger pic.

i know....easier said than done.

but that's how it should be...

IDEALLY....

ish...

the problem with you is....

you care too much...

y must everything be your prob?

y must every other thing be so important?

sometimes, you should jus LEARN TO LET GO...

screw "consequences"...

no more "but......"

i realised i'm jus too good of a person for my own good.

people step on me again and again and again.

and the stupid thing is... I LET THEM BE!!

and I NEVER LEARNT...

people are selfish.

thats a fact i'll never learn to accept.

quote mandy.

they care about nothing else except for themsleves.

then...? wat bout me?

where do i come in?

i'm sick of being manipulated and used.

i'm sick of being cheated and conned.

i'm sick of being the-ever ready-standby-girl.

i'm always the sick pathetic loser that ends up doing last minute unfinished business..

and they arent even MY business...!!!

i was never an optimistic person.

i'm never the one wearing the yellow hat.

i'm more of a black or red hat person...

black as in i'll always be troubleshooting EVERYTHING... i worry too much.

red as in i'll get really emotional and then i wouldn't be rational or sane anymore.

i dun tink ...

smoking or drinking or clubbing or shisha-ing will help keep me in line...

so the question is:

how can you continue hoping for the better when every other people are jus plain evil, manipulative and mean?

how can you keep being optimistic when all u can see is darkness?

how can you continue believing that mayb someday...things will change?

will it?

or will u turn to be as sour, as selfish as the world is now?

simply because "they forced you into it"?

where do u find your direction....

i refuse to be the evil people.

yet this world....

its excruciating to bear with.

i feel like drilling through their thick skulls and peek into their brain...

wondering...

how in the world do they operate?!!!

how am i to keep myself sane?

insanity mayb the best choice...

-3niGma-

multiply meeeeeeeeeeee

i've recently started using multiply to store my photos...
so...
its www.carynyeo4.multiply.com
wishan...the cny photos are theren too...

:: innocence ::

remember those days when the world was much more simpler?

how we use to run n play...

under the sun...

we dun worry bout losing anything..

at that time..

it seems like the sky is the limit...

why is it that as we grow older...

we seem to get more lonelier?