nt feeling well tday... after class i went straight back home... luckily aM3 cut me loose from donuts duty... reached home... n i went straight to bed...i tried to sleep...as hard as i could.... i shut my eyes tight.... but i can still feel the loud thumping inside my head...i jus couldnt sleep...
weeping n sobbing hysterically due to frustration....i crept down my bed n pulled a small tin box from under my bed... it was an old mooncake box... i opened it...
n there it was...folded neatly in a plastic bag was the last set of my amah's pyjamas... i opened the the bag...n took the clothes out...lay them on my bed... n i started to cry...i've always had problems sleeping when i was young... hyper kids always suffered from nightmares...
n i would crawl into amah's bed...gawd i missed her so much...
suddenly the phone rang.... i woke up... i picked up the phone n it was kx on the line... for the 1st 5 secs, i jus realised that i finally slept!! for an hour plus... den after that.... i heard... "john's dad jus passed away... we're going to see him tnite...u wanna follow?"
my heart dropped.... i totally blanked out... how could it be? no... not to john... y john? he was the most cheerful n fun guys i've ever known... alwasy the life of the party... he's on the the "egg shell guys" we use to call em... hard on the outside...soft in the inside....
as i lie in bed... thinking...whether to go tnite or tml night... the whole vision of a funeral came into my mind... it was no random funeral... i saw amah's funeral... n i started to weep again..as i did on the three day ceremony early this year... i weeped till my eyes were puffy n i stil cant stop... i clentched on to amah's pyjamas n i cried... the whole scene... the coffin.... the orchids photo frame which held my amah's photo... the flowers... everything.... amah too...
n it struck me...i may nt be strong enuff to go to a funeral yet.... even the tot of the funeral made me cry bickets..i dowan john to see me like this...he's having a hard time already... n a weeping, puffy eyed, sobbing me would nt help.... i asked XL wat time they r goin... A,XL,KT,JS...they'll all be goin tml....after school...n i have afternoon class.... *there goes the plans to goin wit company*...
i'll see what i can do...
i noe ur goin thru a hard time now...jus now on the phone... u sounded ok..i noe what ur trying to do... trying to be all strong n macho for mom n ur bro... i noe that saying "i understand" would be a serious understatement...n believe me..i really dun understand... i noe losing a family member is hard...but losing a dad is worst... he was a great guy... theres no doubt to it... he had always been an idol, a role model... n a great teacher... he was brave n he fought hard... the long journey has been tiring..but at least he's nt suffering anymore....
babe...i'll always be here...
:3niGma:
voices of new malaysia
2 comments:
Going to the funeral was ... it brought back memories of my grandfather as well.. it was the first time I saw John so sad... He was trying to make us laugh the whole time, it was just so him to be the one cheering others.. he's strong.. if I can, i'll go with you guys again in the afternoon. Stay strong girl.. u can do it.
it is so him... cheering us on when he's limping...he looked so tired...
kills me to see him tat way...
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